Conventional

“So…are you going to tell me why you’re crying?” James asks, glancing between the road he’s driving on and me.

I shake my head in response to his question and rest my forehead on the window, watching the trees pass as we drive home.

“And why not?”

“You’ll just say ‘I told you so’.”

“So it has to do with that asshole boyfriend of yours?”

I don’t respond again, and I notice his hands grip the steering wheel tighter. His jaw is clenched and I know he’s trying hard to keep himself from saying something that’ll just upset me even more. But what he doesn’t know is that he really can’t hurt me any more than Alex just did.

“Did he break up with you?”

I close my eyes at the words and breathe in deep before shaking my head ‘no’. This time, James remains quiet the rest of the way home. He glances at me briefly after we’ve pulled into our driveway, but he says nothing. He opens his door and gets out, leaving me sitting there alone. I feel nothing but used right now, and I think I have a reason to be. I mean, Alex just fucked me and sent me home. I feel like shit.

I sit by myself in the car for another minute or so. But then the cold gets to be a bit much and I grip the handle tightly, taking a deep breath before opening the door. The cold air hits me full force, but I don’t really feel it too much.

“Zack,” My mom says when I walk in the front door. “What’s the matter? Is there something wrong?”

The tone of her voice is more than worried – it’s panicked, and I feel bad for causing her to feel that way.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I mumble. She stares at me, her eyes filled with worry, but I just brush past her and start up the steps. Every time I move excessively, like climbing the steps, pain shoots up my spine – just a reminder of what I did with Alex not even a half hour ago.

*

After showering and putting on new boxers, I stare at my reflection in the full length mirror in my bedroom. I can see the bruises Alex left on my hips, and I’m sure there are more that I can’t see right now. The sight of them makes me sick – I want them to go away. I wish I could go back and fix everything. Keep it all from happening. In the reflection, I can see my cell phone on my bed. It’s silent, as it has been since I got him. Alex hasn’t bothered to call, and I honestly don’t believe that he will.

A knock on my door startles me, causing me to gasp and nearly trip over a pair of shoes lying beside my feet. But I recover, and pull a sweatshirt on over my head before going over to unlock the door. On the other side stands Juliette. She smiles a bit before pushing her way past me.

“So tell me what happened,” she says as she sits down on my bed. “James said you were crying when you got into the car.”

Instead of ignoring her, like I sort of want to, I sit down beside her. I don’t speak, though, and she sighs.

“Why don’t you want to tell me? It’s not like I’m going to run downstairs and tell Mom, or something.”

“It’s not Mom that I don’t want to know. It’s James,” I inform her.

“Oh. So it does have to do with Alex.” She takes my hand and squeezes it. “You can tell me. I promise I won’t say a word until you’re done.”

Her last attempt to get me to talk is all it takes. “He – he took it, and made me leave.” I know that I don’t make much sense – but she seems to understand.

“Wait… I’m not sure if this is what you meant but, you two had sex, and then he made you go home right after? And by ‘it’, you mean your virginity?” She doesn’t even sound the least bit awkward.

I nod and she wraps her arms around me in an attempt to be comforting. I don’t have the heart tell her that I don’t even want anybody near me right now, let alone someone touching me. But I lean in closer to her and let her think what she’s doing is working.

“He’s such an asshole,” She says quietly. I don’t bother to nod in agreement, or agree in any way, but I know she’s probably right.