Conventional

From across the cafeteria, I can see him smiling and laughing to whatever his brother just said. He looks happy, and I guess that’s all I really care about. If he’s happy, then I’m happy. That’s all that really matters.

I tear my eyes away from him and start to pay more attention to the conversation that’s happening around me. I heard something about a big party that’s going on tonight; I should probably pretend to listen and act like I care.

“Wait, where’s the party?” I ask Jack. He’s the one sitting next to me, and he’s also the only one who I actually like.

“My house, man. I told you last week!” Jack exclaims, giving me an annoyed look. He always has to repeat things for me. I can’t help it, though. I have trouble paying attention to anyone who isn’t Zack.

“Oh, right man. I forgot. I’m gonna see if I can get there, okay?”

“Yeah man, you better come. I heard Kaitlin’s planning on coming,” He says with a sly smile.

I simply shake my head. “You know I don’t really like her, Jack.”

“And that matters, why? Dude, just hook up with her!”

I smile and stand up from the table. “Whatever, I’ll see what happens. I’m gonna go though; I have class soon.”

“Okay, I’ll call you later, then.”

I say goodbye to the others at the table. They express their concern about me making it to Jack’s party tonight. I tell them that I’ll try my best to make it, even thought that is a total lie. I have more important things to do.

I get to my next class early, but there are already four other people from my class who arrived even earlier than I did. I sit down in my usual spot in the back and pull out my notebook for history. History sucks. I just can never seem to memorize all those stupid important dates. And even though I hate it so much, it’s my favorite class. I know; that sounds like the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said, but it’s true. It’s my favorite class because I can see Zack.

He comes into the classroom a full five minutes after I did and he sits down in his assigned seat next to me. I can’t talk to him, though. I just barely acknowledge his presence with a small, almost invisible smile, hoping that nobody else will think anything of it.

*

At exactly 2:50, I’m out the school doors and walking to my car in the school parking lot. My backpack keeps slipping off my shoulder and I really couldn’t care less at the moment. When I reach my car I throw my backpack into the back seat and get out of the school parking lot as fast as I can.

I pull into my driveway about 10 minutes later and I rush up the pathway to my front door. My mom has the door unlocked for me and I shout a ‘hello’ to her before running up the steps to my bedroom.

I dump my backpack out onto the floor of my room and fill it with extra clothes. I grab my cell phone charger from the wall and shove it in there as well, before rushing back downstairs. My mom is in the kitchen and before I can make it to the front door, she’s calling me over.

“Where are you going?”

“Um, Jack’s. There’s a party tonight… I’ll be sleeping over. I might stay over tomorrow night too. I’m not sure, though.”

“Okay,” she responds with a smile. “Just let me know what you’re doing. I don’t want to have to send a search party after you.”

“Okay, mom. I will.”

Before she can get another word in, I’m out the door and throwing my backpack over my shoulder.

Zack’s house is only about 10 minutes from my own if I drive, but I have to walk. I can’t risk anyone seeing my car in his driveway or something… that’d be hard to explain. So I tell my mom that I don’t drive my car to the parties because this way I won’t be tempted to drive home. She knows I drink. She doesn’t really care too much.

The walk should take me about 20 minutes. I don’t mind it too much; it’s November so although it’s kind of cold, it’s not unbearable. I’m not looking forward to December, though. However, it’s all pretty much worth it because I get to see my boyfriend who I haven’t spent time with since the weekend before. I feel awful about it, naturally, but I can’t help it… If my friends find out I’m gay then they’re not going to talk to me anymore. And even worse, if they find out I’m dating Zack… I’m just screwed.

Zack isn’t exactly popular. He’s just… there. My friends don’t really bother him unless they feel like they need to. I try to keep them in line as much as possible, seeing as I’m apparently the only one with a decent conscience. When Zack’s older brothers were in school with us, nobody ever went near Zack or the younger brothers. But they’ve graduated, so there’s nobody really protecting Zack.

When I knock on the door, I expect Zack to be the one to open it. But it’s not – it’s his older brother James. James hates me.

“Oh. It’s you.”

I stand on the steps awkwardly and James just sort of stares at me. He lets a few more seconds go by before speaking again.

“Zack is in the kitchen.”

He stands aside and I walk into the house. It’s chaotic, as usual. The TV is on full volume and three of the youngest Merrick boys are sitting in front of it, staring at it as if it’s their life support.

From my spot in the living room I can see through to the kitchen. Zack’s mom is standing at the stove, cooking something no doubt, and Juliette is standing beside her. Juliette is Zack’s only sister. I see my boyfriend sitting at the table next to another one of his brothers, Adam, and when he looks up from his laptop, he grins when our eyes meet.