The Sharpest Lives

With one swift motion, I pushed the door shut with as much force as I could muster. My heart slammed against my chest as I ran towards the back of the house and entered the kitchen.

“What is he doing here?” I said as calmly as I could to my mother, who was sitting at the dinner table drinking a cup of coffee.

“Who?” she looked at me confused.

I didn’t open my mouth, I didn’t want to speak. I stood with my arms folded in the farthest part of the kitchen near the sliding door. Benji strolled into the kitchen, my mother looked between Benji and I, a look of knowing flashed across her eyes. However, I knew that she didn’t know the real truth about what happened because I refused to tell her. I didn’t want to acknowledge what happened, even though my brain wouldn’t let me forget it.

“Mrs. Woods,” Benji walked over and hugged my mother. I felt sick to my stomach.

“I’m borrowing your shoes,” I told my mother and slipped on a random pair of sandals that didn’t quite fit. I pulled open the sliding door and walked out into the cool night. I heard my mother calling after me from the door, but I didn’t turn around.

I knew the paths behind my house pretty well. I knew the exact path to take to bring me to the park. I remember spending most of my childhood in this park. It was an escape that I liked to use. I remember the last time I came here, I was avoiding a meal. Now I was avoiding someone, someone that I had hoped to never run into again. It was a long walk but I was willing to take it, I needed the comfort that the park brought me.

I silently cursed myself for not having my cell phone on me. I fell down onto the swing utterly defeated. The walk was long, and the sandals that were slightly too large were troublesome to keep on my feet.

“Why did you have to go and die,” I said to myself. I kicked off the sandals and pushed my feet off of the ground, propelling myself backwards. The familiar motion of swinging back and forth took over my senses.

If it wasn’t cold out, I don’t think I would have noticed that hot tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. I didn’t want to be here in the first place, I knew there was always going to be a chance of running into him. Life was finally going good for me in New York, I was happy, I had Jason. But then my father had to just go and die.

I planted my feet on the ground and slid my body from the swing. The ground was cold, and the sand wasn’t as comfortable as one would think, but lying still in the sand was the only thing I could control.

“You really are pathetic,” he said, I could hear his shoes walking on the sand.

“Frank, please go away,” I said and curled into myself even more. I knew getting the sand out of my hair was going to be difficult, and I may even catch a cold from lying on the cold ground. I was surprised that Jersey hadn’t gotten any snow yet.

“Here,” he said. I felt something fall on top of my body, it was my jacket.

“Thanks,” I said under my breath.

I sat up and put the jacket on. I reached up and touched my hair, as I expected the tiny granules of sand had made their way into my curls.

“What were you doing on the ground anyway?” Frank asked as he walked over and sat on the swing.

“It looked comfortable,” I made up a lame excuse, like he would ever believe.

“What exactly happened between you and my brother?” he asked.

My eyes flicked from his to the ground, “it was just a bad break up.”

“I know it was more than that,” he said. I heard the swing creak, and I looked up and saw that Frank was swinging back and forth slowly. “Gerard was pretty messed up after you up and left New Jersey, no goodbye.”

“I had to get out, this place was suffocating me,” I said, picking myself up off the ground. I guess that wasn’t a complete lie, I knew I couldn’t stay.

The night Jason had come to pick me up from the hotel, I was a mess. I was scared and I didn’t know what to do. He took me to his house, and we stayed up for a while. He stayed with me until I finally had fallen asleep, torn dress and messy hair, curled up in a ball on his bed.

The next day, I had asked Jason if we could leave Jersey, I told him I needed to get out. I couldn’t stay there any longer. Not with all the memories that I had from the past year. So, he grabbed a suit case and began throwing clothes in it. Next thing I knew we were at my house doing the exact same thing.

“I don’t understand what is going on?” my mother said as tears flowed down her cheeks.

“I hate it here mom,” I said. “I can’t spend another minute in this place.”

“Whatever’s going on,” she said, “I can fix it.”

“No you can’t mom,” was all I said as I pushed past her, suitcase in hand, Jason following closely behind me.

“Frank, go back home,” I said.

“No can do,” he stated simply. “I can’t return home without you.”

“Fine,” I said, “let’s go.”

“Really, this is going to be that easy?” he said, looking surprised.

“Apparently,” I said.

We both walked back to the house in silence. Frank was a few paces behind me. My stomach clenched and twisted at the thought of seeing his face again. My feet were now freezing, but the jacket Frank had brought was definitely warming me up. As I glanced around I noticed that little white flecks were falling from the sky, snow.

I could see the house in the distance, Frank had sped up his pace, probably wanting to get inside and warm up. I didn’t mind the cold so much, and the slower I went, the less time I would have to spend in the house. Sadly, I couldn’t hold off not going inside for very much longer. I walked past the gazebo and up the stone steps and entered the house.

My mother was sitting at the kitchen table. Mr. Iero was trying to console her.

“I’m back,” I said.

“Oh, you’re alright!” my mother hollered as she got up from the table and ran over to me.

“I just went to the park,” I said calmly, as I hugged my mother back. “I just want to go change,” I said and detached my mother from me.

I walked out of the kitchen slowly, but when I made it to the hallway, I let my feet carry me as fast as they could up to my room. I quickly grabbed my suitcase, and anything else that I needed and began down the stairs again.

As quietly as I could I slipped on my shoes and tried to pull open the door.

“Where are you going?” Frank’s voice floated from the stairs.

“Tell my mom I’m staying at Rachel’s” I said. Rachel was my dad’s fiancée. I pulled the door open fully and walked out into the chilly night.

I just needed to get to the bus stop, and then I would be home free. The night was quiet, as I expected, it was sort of eerie, especially after living in New York, when it’s never quiet. I glanced around and noticed a body walking towards me, I decided to stare at my feet as the person passed by me.

I continued walking slowly towards the bus stop, my luggage wheels being the only obnoxious noise in the neighbourhood.

“Mackenzie?” I heard a male’s voice from behind me. I turned slowly, not knowing who the person could be. “Is it really you?”

My heart stopped and I instantly felt light-headed, my mind was working at full capacity and I was struggling to try and form words, “G-Gerard – just stay away from me,” was all I could muster and in that instant I turned and began running down the sidewalk, hoping that the bus would be there when I reached the stop.