Oh, Heroine

Dear diary,
I need some. I really do. I haven't had a bottle touch my lips since last night. I haven't had a needle in my arm since this morning. I haven't been about to touch Braeden in two weeks. I needed; a sweet drink, a harsh hit, and a good fuck. To my luck, I wasn't going to be able to get any of those until later tonight. Fuck my luck.
-Derek M. Haviard. xoxo.

I walked out of the restroom and back over to our table. I'd gone into the bathroom to try the bud I bought. Not that Trevor gave me anything bad. But I had to test it. See if it was legitimate. If I could actually get high off it. The answer was, yes. My head is like a balloon, filled with helium. Fuck, I love it. I sat down at the chair, and looked over at my dealer, Trevor. A simple name. But, he gave me more than a simple drug.

He smirked at me and slid me the black velvet bag. The heroin was in there. The weed was in a red velvet bag, along with my pipe. I had it in my pocket when I went into the bathroom. I put my hand up, calling the waitress for the tab. All we had gotten was a few glasses of wine. The perfect cover up to deal with. The waitress knew we came in once a week and ordered this. I subtly handed Trevor the cash. $800. I decided to only get a few ounces of heroin today. He gave me the bud for free. That's why I had to test it. That'd give me the chance to see him again in a week, or so. He was hot. He knew it. And he knew I knew it. He knew I was with Braeden, so he kept his distance. But, he was some incredible fucking eye candy. Trevor walked over to my side of the table and pulled out the chair for me.

"I'll get the drinks." He whispered quietly in my ear, sending chills down my spine. I had a crush on him. I'll admit that much. He walked over to the hostess and paid the bill. I headed for the door. Not knowing if I should thank him, or just leave. I followed my second feeling. I walked over to the cab waiting outside for me. I have the same driver that knows my routine. I pay him the same amount to take me to the same place. He's happy, I'm happy. Therefore, we're all happy. I got over to the car and began to open the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, feeling my head spin a bit. A clean warmth crashed against my lips. My shoulders tensed up. Trevor's lips.

I thought he respected my space. I thought he understood that I had a boyfriend. But, apparently not. He held onto me tight, wrapping his arms around my waist. I felt his tongue glide across my chapped bottom lip. I opened my mouth slowly and his tongue immediately collided with mine. He ran his fingers through my hair and messed it up a bit. I finally decided to let my shoulders fall. Making out on a street side in Manhattan. Straight out of a movie. I felt him slip something in my pocket as he pulled himself away from me. "There's more where that came from, Haviard." He winked at me and walked away. Like the kiss hadn't even happened.

I blushed a bit as I climbed in the back seat. "Take me home, please!" I giggled as I felt the car move a bit. I reached into the right pocket of my jacket and pulled out a hot pink piece of paper. I read the print on the front. "The Understudy". What's that supposed to mean? I raised my eyebrow. There was an address and a date. Tomorrow night, to be exact. There were awkward designs on there as well. But, that was it. I wonder why he gave me that? And why did he have to cover it up with an in-fucking-credible kiss?

I let these things cloud my mind as I approached our apartment. I handed the driver my money as I pulled myself out of the cab. I had a little too much wine. I was clearly drunk and baked. Fuck. How was I going to cover this up to Savannah and Braeden? I wasn't going to make myself puke. I'd feel worse. And that was all free. Why the fuck would I waste that? I pulled myself up the stairs. I had to drive in a bit. Maybe Savannah would drive. I'd tell her I had a headache and I wasn't up to being behind the wheel.

I reached out front door. It was unlocked. Savannah was sitting at the table, reading a book. I gave her a goofy smile and walked over to the mini bar that we had set up in our livingroom. I poured myself a glass of whiskey. I slammed that within a second. My eyes were getting just a little heavy. I knew this would be the only thing to slightly wake me up.

"What the hell are you doing, Derek? Don't you have to drive?" Savannah walked over to me and took the glass out of my hand.

"It's all gone, darling." I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "You're driving. I clearly am in no state to control a motor vehicle." I sat on the couch and put my feet on the coffee table. Savannah's pet peeve is feet on the table. Did I care in this moment? Nope.

"Get your fucking feet off the table. Let's go. Now." She grabbed me by the sleeve of my shirt and began to pull me towards the door.

You're given options in life. Tonight, I decided to take the low road. I had to deal with a lecture from my sister the entire drive to Jersey. She'd given me french fries to snack on while we were talking. That hit the spot. I tried to offer some to her. But, she denied them. Saying they'd make her fatter than she already was. Who was she kidding? She's a motherfucking stick. Did I mention my mouth goes when I'm crossfaded? My language gets a little dirty. The word "fuck" becomes my best fucking friend.

When we pulled into the venue, I saw him standing there. My one and only Braeden. He looked as stunning as always. I looked down at my watch. Exactly at 7:30. Fuck, we did good.