Apocolypse Now

'Frank?'
I looked at Gerard out the corner of my eye, my arms still folded tight over my chest.
'If I asked you to help me with something..' He paused for a second, as if playing his words over in his head to get them right 'Would you? Would you help me?'
I looked at my hands, twisting my fingers over one another. 'It depends what it is'. It came out with no emotion as I continued to look away, even though every bone in my body itcthed for my eyes to meet his for one second, To meet his touch for just one minute, but I knew I couldn't look at him, I could hardly even speak to him after what he'd done to me, to us. I felt his bed move slightly as he strained himself to sit up. It hurt me to see him like this, It hurt me to stay mad at him like this, and it hurt me that I was the only one left to help him.
'It's not bad Frank' He said, his voice hoarse 'I just can't do it myself'
'If you have to pee, I'm not good at that sort of thing' I said quietly, and I almost swore I saw him smile slightly.
'Actually, I kinda want a bath' He explained, sounding as if he was smiling slightly 'I mean, I've not had one since I got back from the hospital' He shifted a bit against the sheets. 'I, well, kinda stink'
'Oh' i said, softening a bit, remembering it had been a week or so since Gerard came back. 'Well, yeah. I can help you' I looked at him this time, my eyes meeting his for a split second. This time he smiled properly, reaching his arms out for me to help him up. I slipped my arm under his, wrapping it tightly round his skinny frame. I gasped, not realising how thin he had become. He winced slightly, the pain in his body obvious as I pulled him to his feet. He was so weak, his tiny legs didn't seem like they'd take even his small weight. I tore my eyes away from him, grabbing his chair, he stopped me with his hands. 'I can make it from here' I let go of the chair and nodded, continuing to carry him to the bathroom. I placed him down on the toilet seat, he already looked exhausted. He leaned against the cold tiles behind him his head resting on his shoulder. 'Thanks by the way' He said as i turned on the tap. I paused for a second, exhaling through my nose before saying;
'Do you want bubble bath?'
'what?' He lifted his head 'Oh, I..er yeah' He added so it was barely audiable. I mentally slapped myself for being so hard on him, I felt like I was his mother, normal Gerard would have mentioned this fact, perhaps even snapped at me,but broken Gerard just sat shuffling his feet over the tiles. I swirrled some apple bubble bath into the steaming water. It was the smell that reminded me of him.
'I don't expect you to forgive me you know' He mumbled to his feet. I turned off the tap kneeling to face him.
'Take off your shirt' I held out my hand. His face fell. 'I'll help you' I added, slightly softer this time. he nodded, slowly lifting his weakened arms. I hesitated at the hem of his shirt. I knew how concious Gerard was about his body, for reasons I'd never understood, and I knew this time i was lingering on dangerous territory. I couldn't help but feel I was doing it all wrong. I'd loved Gerard for years, and dreamed of this moment for a little less, but It certainly wasn't playing out how it had been all this time in my head. It was far from perfect. We were far from perfect.
'What's wrong' He whispered. Lowering his arms back to their original position.
'Nothing I, I just' I sighed, this time looking directly at him, fed up of avoiding his gaze 'I just don't want to hurt you' I said truthfully.
'You won't' he lifted him arms again, guesturing for me to carry on 'I trust you'. I smiled sadly before reaching to pull up his shirt, starting gently at first, and closing my eyes untill I pulled it over his head and discarded it on the floor. 'You can open your eyes' He giggled slightly.
'I don't think I want to' I scrunched up my face.
'Please' he whispered. I relaxed my face, reluctantly openeing one eye and then the other.
'Oh my God' I breathed as my eyes came into contact with the reality that was his chest. 'I..I can't.. I just don't' I stuttered, using all my willpower to try not to cry. 'this isn't real' I choked, gingerly reaching out my fingers to trace the bruises and scarrs on the once perfect chest. I could feel his heart beat faster and faster through my fingertips. I sniffed, snatching my hand away from him.
'Your sweatpants now' I said, nearly in tears, helping him up so i could pull them down before sitting him down again to get them off his feet. I glanced at his legs, almost wincing at yet more marks before turning quickly away and pulling off his socks.
'Say something' He whispered 'anything'
'I can't' I squeaked, looking down at the tiled floor.
'I can't get my underwear off by myself' He mumbled. I looked up into his eyes again, composing myself as best i could.
'No of course not' I began to help him up again, pulling him against me so his chest was against mine. 'Do you think you can..' I said, guesturing towards his underwear.
'Oh, yeah' He said nervously 'I just need you to hold me up' I took a deep breath as i felt him reach down to his hips, his heart quickening again against his ribs. 'Don't hate me' he whispered, reaching his knees. From this a tear escaped and trickled slowly down my cheek. 'I could never hate you' I looked into his eyes, brushing his hair from his face before seating him back on the toilet.
I didn't look at his body, Just kept my eyes fixed to his, pulling his boxers over his feet and putting them with the rest of his clothes.
'I feel rather naked' Gerard said, breaking the silence. He grinned sheepishly. I smiled.
'i suppose the waters getting cold' I guestured for him to let me help him to the bath. 'Do you think you can climb in?' I asked, supporting him at the edge. He nodded, putting his weight on my shoulders as he put in one foot and then the other. 'Is it warm enough?' i asked holding him up so he was standing in the tub. He nodded again. 'Right, I'm going to lower you in now, put all your weight on me' He hesitated 'Trust me' I added. He nodded yet again, leaning in on my sholders and slowly bending his knees into the bubbles. I waited untitll he was leaned against the side of the tub untill I let go. He seemed to relax a little unto the water. I smiled to myself. 'Are you ok?' I asked.
'Better than I've been in a long time' He grinned up at me, and I saw a glint of old Gerard in his eyes. I nodded and lowered myself against the bathroom door. I could just see Gerard overr the edge of the bath, look at me bemused. 'You don't have to stay' He said.
'I know' I rested my head back against the door 'but I want to'

I wrapped Gerard snugly in a towel and gently sat him down on his bed. 'Do you feel better?' I asked, adressing him properly for the first time since he came back from hospital.
'Much' He smiled, hugging the towel closer to his skinny frame. I dug out some clean boxers and a shirt from Gerard dresser. He watched me closely and looked every few minutets as if he was going to sspeak, but didn't. 'What?' I asked, placing his clothes beside him and picking up his boxers.
'I just.. oh never mind' He stretched out his bruised legs and the feelings I had earlier came flooding back. I slammed the boxers down on the floor and stood up, the sudden move making Gerard jump. 'why the fuck did you do it' I shouted, not caring how loud I was. I demanded answers.
'Shit. Frank?' Gerard seemed taken aback by my sudden bout of anger. He was shivering, maybe from the lack of clothes, but somehow I thought it might have been fear. I looked att him. His watery eyes threatening to burrst at any minute, and I cracked, sinking to my knees beforre him, tears escaping my eyes with no mercy. I took his battered face in my hands, wiping my tumb under his eye and resting my forehead against his. 'What happened to you Gerard?' I sobbed, searching in his eyes for something, anything. He just sniffed and more tears escaped. 'I was so in love with you' I whispered, before letting go and picking his underwear back up. He put his right foot in as I avoided his gaze for the millionth time that night.
'Then why didn't you help me?' He said it quietly. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear but I did. I let go of his left foot slamming my hand down onto the floor.
'Perrhaps if you weren't so fucking self centered' I snapped before running a hand through my hair and slumping back onto my feet 'God Gerard, you have no idea' He shifted in the towel and looked away. 'I tried to help you' I continued 'I tried so hard, we all did, butt like always you had to find out the hard way' Gerard looked ashamed and hung his head 'Even when you were in that hospital bed, when no one thought you would wake up, I sat there, I sat there for weeks. and do you know why? because I believed in you. I believed in you after everything, and you went on so much about the world ending, I thought if it did I couldn't leave you like that' I was properly crying by this point. Im sure my words were barely audiable, but Gerard seemed to understand and pulled me down onto his bed and wrapped his arms around me.
'Do you have any Idea what you did to us, to me?' I sobbed into his shoulder 'I didn't think you'd wake up. You could have died Gerard, you could have fucking died' By this point I could hear Gerard crying softly into my hair. 'I'm sorry Frank' He sobbed 'Im so fucking sorry' He repeated himself over and over, untill his towel slipped down round his waist and he was shivering.
We stayed like this for some time, softly crying on one another, untill my hair was matted, wet and stuck to my cheek. I ran my hand down Gerards back, feeling the cuts and scrapes and the slowlyappearing goosebumps as he continued to shiver.
'You're cold'I croaked into his ear.
'I know' He pulled away looking at my face again.
'I'll dress you, like I should have done' I said geting down and helping gerard stand to pull his boxers up then pulling the towel away.
'I've missed you' He whispered into my hair. I smiled to myself, my heart seeming to flip over in my chest. My old Gerard was coming back.
'I know' I smiled at him, a genuine smile while helping him with his shirt.
'It's getting late, you mustt be tired' I said smoothing his hair. he nodded in response and I helped him under the sheets. 'Comfy?'
I asked.'yeah, as comfy as I can be' he grinned and I couldn't help but smile back.
'well I'll be on the couch' I said making to leave.
'Wait, Frank?' I turned back to Gerard 'Stay?' He reminded me of a child, even though he was older than me. 'Nothing funny I mean.. I just'
'Yeah, Of course' gerard let out a breath he seemed to be holding before making a space on the bed for me. I slid in slowly beside him. lying flat on my back and staring up to the ceiling. I could hear Gerards breath continuously change, as if he was about to speak. I knew what he was going to say, and I desperately did'nt want him to say it.
'Frank I..'
'I know what you're going to say' I said quickly, cutting him off 'so please, don't'.
Gerard exhaled through his nose, but not in an annoyed way. Instead he reached out beside me and rested his hand on mine, and something about the way he did it made me realise he was sorry.More sorry than a person could ever be. And something about the way he tugged on my arm to pull me close to him made me realise he loved me, more than I thought possible.
'How did you know what i was going to say' Gerard whispered into the silence.
'Because it's the exact same thing I wanted to say' I said, equally as quiet. I felt him nod, and he remained silent for a while. 'this, this isnt the right time you know' I added 'not now'
I felt him nod again.
'So is the world really going to end tomorrow' I asked after a while.
'Yes, but no one believes me' He whispered.
'I do' I said 'I remember when we were kids, people used to talk about it, but it's like it got lost somewhere'
Gerard sighed. 'It doesn't feel like it should be tomorrow'
'what..erm..what will happen?' I aksed nervously 'Will it hurt?'
'I think, it just gets real hot' Gerard explained 'Then you can't breathe, then you won't know the rest'
'Shit' I breathed.
'Frank?
'Yeah'
'Do you remember what I told you that day when you ran away?' He looked at me, smiling 'You asked what I'd do if it was my last day on earth?'
I chuckled, remembering like it was yesterday. 'Course' I lowered my voice 'I um. does that still apply?'
Gerard looked in thought for a second, and I thought perhaps I'd crossed a line untill his lips crashed onto mine. I tensed up, partly because I wasn't expecting it, but partly because I never thought it would be possible. Gerard grazed his lips over my cheek and whispered in my ear. 'It's ok, I promise'. I relaxed and he grinned into my neck nipping at the skin just below my ear. I giggled as he pushed me back into the sheets before kissing me properly for the first time.

I woke up to the sunlight streaming through the window. I quickly kicked off the sheets as i was boiling hot and sweaty. 'Jesus' I whispered to myself, glancing over at Gerard who was still asleep. I climbed out of bed and over the window. I gasped as I looked down at the street. It was littered with dead birds, who were steaming gently. 'Oh my god' I backed away from the window, stumbling over my clothes as I went.
'Gerard, Gerard' I shook him vigourously awake 'Gerard'
'ouch fuck what?' He said, holding his bruises.
'You were right, you were fucking right'
'I what' He sat up quickly, a little too quickly and yelped in pain.
'The streets fucking steaming' I was panicing by this point, hopping from one foot to the next.
'Frank calm down okay?' He held my shoulders 'I've got a plan'
'What? how the..'
'Just get dressed okay?'
'Gerard this is like a dream and I don't..'
'Just get dressed Frank' I nodded and did what I was told, pulling on my clothes quickly and helping Gerard dress too. He told me that we needed to go to the car and drive somewhere. I protested, thinking he was crazy, but he was positive we were doing the right thing.
I shoved Gerards chair out the elevator, glad I could finally breath, and ran through the lobby doors. We were met immediately by swealtering heat.
'Fuck shit shit shit' Gerard shouted as I pulled him into the car park.
'What the hell is happening' I said, watching as people ran riot in the street, throwing water, calling the police, anything they could think of. 'This can't be real'
'It is Frank, I don't know how it is, but it is' He wheeled himself forward towards my car 'Come on we don't have long'
'This is rediculous' I cried.
'Do you wan't to bleeding die' Gerard shouted angrily. I shook my head, wrapping my shirt round my hand and opening Gerards door for him. He coughed as he was met with the blast of hot air. 'Fuck its like a furnace, help me in' I laughed at the rediculousness of it all and lifted Gerard into the car. He screached as his arms touched the interior. I was panicy and sweaty and really unsure what to do, this is all seemed to surreal and so fast, but I had to go with it. I opened my door the same way as Gerards and climbed in.
'Jesus christ' I squealed, lifting myself off the seat 'It's like a hob or something' I reached out for the weel 'Damn, I can't hold that'
'Frank hurry up, it's getting hotter by the second, were gonna burn'
'Ok ok' I hesitated a moment before deciding to take of my shirt and wrap it round the wheel so I could drive. I started the ignition. 'Where we going then?' I said, slightly irritable.
'The end of the world' Gerard replied.
'What the fuck, Gerard I think you're crazy'
'Frank just drive'
'I don't understand, I jus..'
'DRIVE'
I slammed my foot on the gas and shot off down the road.
'Gerard I have no idea where the hell I'm going'
'Neither do I, i juat know u don't stop'
'What do you mean, I'll crash?'
'No you wont'
It was getting hotter and hotter by the second and I was finding incredibly difficult to breath and concentrate on the road.
'Gerard I feel really sick'
'So do I'
'I don't think I'm going to make it you know'
'Yes you are, just keep going' Everything was becoming blindingly bright and I felt as if I was slowly losing consiousness. Hell, I wasn't even in controll of my car anymore.
'I can't see'
'Neither can I'
'I'm not steering Gee'
'I think that's ok' There was silence for a few seconds, and all I could hear was a swishing sound, like when you have water in your ears.
'Gerard, is this it?'
'I think so' I sighed, ready to close my eyes and switch off but I knew I still had one more thing to say before the end.
'I love you'
'God, I love you too'

I sat bolt upright, my palms were sweaty and my breathing unsteady. I could feel my heart racing so I knew I wasn't dead. I looked around, letting my eyes become used to the dim light, and found I was in Gerards room. I scrunched my face up, confused as ever. Gerard stirred, rubbing his eyes, and eventually resting them on me.
'Frank?' He sat up, squinting at me 'Are you ok?'
'How old are you' I asked quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders.
'Erm' Gerard raised his eyebrow at me '15?'
'15?' I sqeaked 'And you're not in a wheel chair?'
'Frank what the hell'
'Oh thank god' I hugged him tight and nuzzled my face into his chest. 'The world isn't going to end tomorrow?'
'No Frank why would it' He said still looking really confused. I just beamed at him realising the next 10 years of my life had all been a dream. 'I kind of wish it was though' Gerard added wistfully.
'What' My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him wide eyes 'Why?'
Gerard looked at me sheepishly, his cheeks going bright red.
'Because then' He tucked his hair behind his ears nervously 'Because then I'd get to kiss you'