She Will Love You Through Your Demise

The house clean and back to normal, with real food in the fridge and Brian looking more like his old self for the first time since Kate had left, Brian knew what the next step was that he had to take. Of course he knew that it was going to be a rather huge step, one that he wasn’t really looking forward to taking, but it was something that needed to be done, and done on his own.

That particular task was dealing with his friends, but not in the present time.

Sitting in the middle of the living room couch on the edge of the cushion, Brian had his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, staring hard at the two phones placed before him on the coffee table.

His next step required him taking the plunge, turning both phones back on, and checking all of the messages he had so purposely ignored while he had locked himself away.

He expected to hear messages ranging from pity, encouragement, understanding, annoyance, disappointment and of course, plenty of voice mails that were full of sheer anger. He expected messages from his closest friends, the girls, and his family. He even expected messages from people that he had met on the road but never took much time to get to know. In fact, the only person he didn’t expect any messages from was Kate, even if she was the only one he wanted to hear from.

But it was time. It was time to start taking steps forward in his life. How could he expect to ever make a difference or talk to Kate again if he never gave any effort of making things right, even if she never came back? He still wanted her to so desperately be in his life, even as a friend, hell, he’d even settle having her as an acquaintance if that’s all he could get. He could live with a broken heart, but he could not live without her presence in his life. He needed her to know that.

He picked up the landline phone first and dialled the code for the voicemail. He pressed each button slowly, as if he were debating if he should really follow through with his intentions, or if he might still be too weak to confront his friends that felt betrayed by his ignorance.

"Brian..." Zacky's voice began before a long and heavy sigh was heard. "Look man, I'm not really sure what to say. I understand that you don't really feel like talking to anyone right now, but you gotta pick up sometime, ya know? I'm sorry. Call me back..."

Brian closed his eyes and waited for the next message to start.

"Hey son, I was just calling to check in on you. I heard from the guys what happened with you and Kate. I wish it would've come from your mouth instead, but I'm not going to hold that against you. Please call me back or answer your phone. I need to know you're okay or at least holding up. I love you, Brian."

Hearing his dad's voice made him feel like sinking deeper into his couch. If he could go back in time, he wished he would've picked up the phone one of the times his father called to at least say, "Hey dad, I'm not up for talking, but I just wanted to let you know I'm still living. Pass the message along. I'll call you when I crawl out of my hole."

Brian listened to a few more messages from people who they had toured with in the past few years and from mutual friends of his and Kate before another message caught his attention, and it wasn't very pleasant.

"Fuck you Brian," the voice spat. "You selfish little ass. All we want to know is that you're alive, and you don't even have the decency or the balls to answer one fucking phone call or a text?" There was a pause before the voice spoke up again, "you're so lucky you're one of my best-friends and that I'm drunk, or I'd come beat your ass." Another few seconds of silence passed before a, "screw you!" was yelled, followed by a dial tone.

Brian found himself shaking his head, a hint of a smile on his face. If it wasn't Johnny that left that message, then he might have actually stopped listening to the messages all together. Deleting them all might have been a decent idea. If Johnny was leaving a very angry -intoxicated- message, then he didn't want to know what was next.

"Brian," the next message began. "I just wanted to see if maybe I could get through, though I knew it'd be a long shot, especially with how things went the last time we saw one another. I just wanted to see how you were holding up, if maybe there was a way you could forgive me... Well, you know what? I take that back. I love you man, I really do, you're my best-friend, but I don't need your forgiveness. When you were being an asshole the only person Kate felt comfortable enough coming to for help was me, and I'm glad I was here for her. I'm glad she had the courage to leave you. You stopped noticing her, hell, it even seemed like you stopped loving her. I'll tell you one thing though, if you don't rise up and make an effort to mend at least an understanding with her, then I don't know if we can be friends anymore. She didn't deserve any of this Brian. I can't believe how disappointed and angry I feel at you." There was a short pause, "man up Brian, you owe her some kind of explanation."

Brian leaned back further into the couch, slinking down as if he was being ridiculed by a stern parent and not Jimmy Sullivan. That message was definitely something he could've gone his whole life never hearing. Of course the one that really got to him was the one most worth hearing. Jimmy had never been so right, and Brian hated himself and his actions even more. Causing that pain for Kate was as worse as he thought it could get, but listening to these messages from his friends and family made him realize that he had cut them all pretty deep too. He was just hoping there was some way he could someday gain their forgiveness, just as he wanted Kate's too.

He tossed the landline down after deleting the messages, whether he listened to them or not. He waited a few minutes before picking up his cell phone and calling his voicemail. He wasn’t particularly interested in listening to anymore, so whenever an unfamiliar voice began he found himself instantly deleting it, until after a dozen or two had passed.

"I'm almost relieved you didn't pick up. Hearing your recorded message for your voicemail was enough to make me feel like I was going to get sick. I can't hear your name without wanting to cry, Brian. I don't even want to be calling you right now. But damnit, my stupid heart that got me into this mess still beats quicker when I see your face everywhere I go. I hate it. I hate how I feel right now, and I swear if it doesn't start to get any better... Brian, would you just let someone know you're alive. Stop hiding away, there are some of us who need to move on, some of us who can't spend another minute worrying about if you're okay when they're falling apart." A short pause before the voice started again, "get a hold of someone, please."

And Brian thought that Jimmy’s message was enough to kick him in the ass...

Well, he found himself feeling very mistaken.