Changed My Life

I see her straight away. Again. It's always her. The moment she enters any room with me in it, my head turns involuntarily towards her. And I see her small lightly toned face, her light brown eyes and her silky black hair and feel her just standing there looking at me. It’s always been like that. Since the first day.

The moment she enters the lecture hall, her friends call out to her. She turns and I just know it’s me, and not her friends, that she is looking at. I can feel it. But I never let her catch me staring at her. I take good care not to let her see that the instant I feel her presence, my head turns towards her, a gleam in my eyes. I don’t have a reason to why that happens. It just does. But the good thing is I never need an explanation because no one has ever noticed this weird connection between us. But I know that there's a part of me that feels like she is meant to be in my life.

There is something incomplete about me. I feel it with every passing second. It's like a huge dent in my life. Like a missing piece of puzzle. I have tried and failed numerous times in finding out the missing piece though. I try, I try, I try and the result? I fail, I fail, oh and I fail. It doesn’t take much effort though. Because I all I have to do is think. Think about my life; try to guess what's missing. But I never seem to find an answer.

I like my life but it’s not enough. I wouldn’t say I’m not happy because I am. But I want to be more than happy. I want to the next level of happy. But at the back of my mind I know in order for me to be that happy I have to find that missing piece. The piece that will make me overly happy.

Back to reality. I smile involuntarily as I see Sephy flop down on the seat with exhaustion and I just know she’s inwardly groaning at the thought of the two long hours of lecture and writing. She has always made me smile. Every single day of my life since I met her. But she doesn’t know it. And that’s what’s amazing. A stranger making another stranger smile without knowing. The world is full of surprises.

I don’t really know her, but I don’t believe that it’s just a mere coincidence that my name should be Callum and hers Sephy. Sephy and Callum from 'Noughts & Crosses'. My mum’s favourite book when she was young. In the book, Callum falls in love with Sephy. Hmm..

That another thing. As an only child, I always felt lonely somehow. Still do at times. There are there rare, occasional times when I just feel completely and utterly lonely. As I said I have friends, a social life and everything but they don’t seem to take the loneliness away.

I focus on Sephy again. I can see her eyebrows scrunched up in concentration. That makes me smile again. Maybe it’s her, the missing part. But I don’t really like that possibility because the Callum who falls in love with Sephy on 'Noughts and Crosses' is fated to die. 'But it’s just books' says my mind in defence. 'True say', another part agrees.

And then I realize that she’s staring back at me. Her light brown eyes shining in shock I think it was. I feel a sudden spark. I don’t know how long she has been staring back, but she instantly looks away and tries to concentrate on her work again. I do the same. But thoughts whirl in my mind.

Sephy.. I think I’m in love..