What's It Like to Die Alone?

“Okay, step on the scales Freya.”
I did as the nurse said and stepped forward, onto the translucent block. The red number flashed several times, then settled on 6 stone 5.
2 pounds more than last time, nice.
6 Stone 5 isn’t a bad weight really, but when you’re 5ft 8, it is.
“Well done! That’s so good Freya! You’re gaining weight!” she clapped, flashing her yellow smile at me. Write condescending on your fore head, why don’t you.
I smiled back and nodded, grabbing my jacket and returning to my room. I hung up my jacket and grabbed my camera and notebook, then headed outside. To the wooden decking, to the pond, dipping my bare toes into the clear water. The night sky reflected itself onto the water. The stars were mocking me, glistening with happiness. They were free to roam the skies whilst I was secluded in this place.
The reflection in the water altered as a pebble was thrown in, creating ripple after ripple. I looked up and saw Heroin standing over me. He wouldn’t tell me his name, I wouldn’t tell him mine, so I called him Heroin.
He sat next to me and rolled up the end of his jeans, then put his feet in too.
“Hey there.”
‘Sup, Heroin.
He laughed. “You called me Heroin? Right, I’ll call you Nerva. Like Anorexia Nervosa.”
If you so wish.
“Why are you here?”
Just been weighed. I always come here after I’m weighed, no reason behind it. I just do. I know curfew was nine pm, but they trust me, surprisingly.
“They don’t trust me one bit. They think I’m gonna burn the place down because I smoke inside my room, even though I’m not meant to. I shouldn’t inject, I shouldn’t slash. I do things I’m not meant to, it’s how I’m built.”
I nodded understandingly.
“I haven’t talked to anyone else here besides you.”
I just don’t talk. If I need you, then I’ll call your name, but that’s it.
“Why don’t you talk?”
Uses too much energy.
“Oh. You look cold.”
I am a little cold.
“Shall I put my arms around you?”
Your needle arms.
“Sorry for the offer.” he said, rolling his eyes.
Did I say no?
“You didn’t give me an answer at all. I haven’t injected for 17 hours now, if you’re that worried.”
I laughed.
“You have a pretty laugh.”
Thanks, Heroin.
He smiled at me and put an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him and he draped his top around me. “Are you a little warmer now?”
I am.
“Good.” he nodded.
I picked up my camera and turned it on, setting it onto night mode. I held it up to the sky, then a sudden shiver shook my body and it fell into the water.
I sighed, as if to say, Shit.
“Is it waterproof?”
I nodded.
“Okay, cool.”
Heroin let go of me and dived into the water, disappearing out of sight. Thirty four seconds passed, then an arm pierced the water, a camera in the grasp of the hand. His head appeared not soon after. He swam over to me and placed the camera next to me. He jumped up and sat back on the edge.
“Thanks.” I said. I felt I owed him words for doing that for me.
He smiled a toothy grin and nodded. “No problem. I was going to go for a swim, anyway. You gave me a bigger reason to do so.”
I wiped his dripping bangs out of his eyes and kissed his scarred cheek.
“Even your lips are cold.”
Sorry?
“Don’t apologize.” he laughed. “It was only a statement.”
Heroin suddenly doubled over in pain, moaning obscenities, clutching his arm. I took his arm into my hands. He pointed to the center of it and I rubbed it softly, slowly getting harder and harder. I licked my lips and kissed it once.
Better?
“Yeah, thanks Nerva.”
You didn’t inject 17 hours ago. The reaction wouldn’t have taken this long to occur.
“Okay, maybe I lied. Maybe it was like half an hour ago.”
You came here to stop taking drugs, didn’t you?
“They have to ween it off me first, so I take less than I did previously, but still a little bit. You came here to eat, didn’t you?”
I didn’t come here out of choice. I wasn’t dragged into a white van, nothing like that. It was more like ‘You come here or you die.’
“Oh, shit, sorry man.”
Don’t apologize. I shrugged.
“You know, I think you’d look more beautiful if you gained weight.”
You’d look more handsome if your eyes weren’t blood shot and your face contained color. Oh, and if the scars on your arms were non-existent.
“You really think so?”
I nodded.
He smiled and held my face in his, now dry, hands. “It’s like you’d break if you weren’t handled carefully.”
I won’t break. Trust me, if I was going to break, I would’ve by now.
He pressed his lips onto my own and I closed my eyes, relaxing slightly. He tasted of alcohol and cigarettes. Never a good taste, but I shouldn’t be one to judge.
The kiss slowly escalated into two, three, four kisses. His tongue graced my bottom lip and I parted slightly, exploring ever inch of his mouth, just like he did to me. I put one hand on his lower back and the other on his slightly muscular thigh. Heroin began to lie down, with me on top of him. My white shirt became see through as his soaked shirt dampened mine. My face was dampened by fresh, warm tears. I broke away and pulled his face into my chest.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered.
“You don’t need to be.”
“You’re speaking?”
“When I choose to.”
“Oh.”
He slowly looked up and I saw his blood shot, moist brown eyes. “I’ve… I-I’ve got to go.” he stuttered.
I nodded sympathetically and kissed his fore head.
“I’ll see you soon. Tomorrow hopefully.”
I smiled and hugged him. He breathed out deeply and rubbed my back gently.
“Are you okay?”
“I’ll survive. See you, Nerva.”
Heroin let go of me and stood up, dusting the imaginary dust off his pants. He walked away with his hands tucked in his pockets, facing the ground.
I licked my lips and picked up my notebook and camera.
Who was Heroin?