What's It Like to Die Alone?

There was a faint knocking at my door. I switched on my lamp, put on my glasses and looked at my watch. Three fuckin’ am.
I gulped down a sugar tablet (energy for talking) and some water, pulled on a hoodie and opened the door.
“Miss Freya, come quickly please.”
“What is it?”
“Someone requested a girl called Nerva. His description fitted yours so I assumed it was you.”
Heroin.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“His withdrawal symptoms are awful. We’ve cut him off the drugs completely and he can’t take it. We see him with you quite a lot so maybe you could talk him round?”
“Talk him round?”
“He’s locked himself in his room with several needles. He’s taken so much with him that he could over dose and potentially kill himself.”
My eyes widened. It’d been 3 days since I’d seen him last. We talked about Watchmen last time, and he tickled me on the grass. We’d first talked about 2 weeks ago.
“Okay, I’ll come.”
I scrapped my hair back into a loose pony tail and grabbed my key for the room. I was wearing some pajama shorts, underwear and a hoodie. I looked a state, but everyone here did, so I probably looked stunning in comparison.
The nurse ushered me along the many hallways and we walked across campus to the drug addict sector. Everything was so damn white, so damn clean.
We stopped when we saw one wooden door, with several people surrounded around it.
“Come on you’ve got to come out, we can help you.” they all said.
Bull shit, they weren’t gonna help him. They were going to strap him to a chair.
I approached the door with caution and tapped on it faintly. “Heroin?”
I heard some shuffling behind the door and the nurses/doctors looked at me hopefully.
“N-Nerva?”
“Can I come in?”
“Do you have the energy to talk?”
“I’ve taken an energy tablet.”
“Oh. I swear if anyone else comes in I’ll…”
“They won’t.”
I looked at the carers. “Let me do this myself. If you want him to come out, that is.”
They nodded.
“It’s safe.”
The door creaked open and I slid in. His door slammed shut and I went to look at him. His eyes were worse than usual, it was as if the brown had completely disappeared. He was wearing only pajama pants, so I could see the big slash over his toned torso. The blood was congealed so must be only minutes old.
“Heroin…” I sighed, leaning against the wall.
“I’m sorry.” he cried, sinking down to the floor and clutching his knees.
“Come on, stand up.”
He looked up at me and frowned.
“Stand up and walk over to me. Just do it.”
He did as I said, fresh tears streaming down his pale cheeks.
I hugged him and he hid his face into my chest. “What the hell are you doing to yourself.”
“It’s the dependency… the withdrawal. It’s killing me Nerva. I can’t cope anymore, I’m gonna get some rope and-”
“You are not making a noose Heroin. You are going to live and you are going to cope. You don’t have a fucking choice. Man up and cope, damn it. I’m gaining weight, and what are you doing? You’re getting worse. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
He let go of me. “You don’t know what it’s like to be in my position! You’re not dependent on anything, you don’t have to have this to function. It feels so damn good once I’ve shot up… I need this.”
“I’ll stop eating if you continue.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“Do you think I’d lie about this?”
“But you’re gaining weight and looking more beautiful every day… why would you do that?”
“I’m asking you the same question.”
“Please.” he begged, more tears falling.
“Give me the bag of needles, Heroin.”
“I c-cant…”
“If you can physically give them to me, then it’s a step isn’t it?”
“Oh my God… you’re one of them! You’re one of the fucking carers!”
“No I’m not, you’re helping me get better, and I want to repay you. Pass it please.”
He picked up the hessian bag and began shaking. “Nerva, I can’t do it. I need these.”
I stepped forward and held his free hand with my own. “You can.”
“But-”
I gripped the bag. “Come on, all you have to do is let go. Then you can make a clean start. I can try and get you to share a room with me, so when you’ve got these problems, and I have mine, we’re there for each other. No fuckin’ curfews, we’ll still be there. Think about it, Heroin.”
He shut his eyes and loosened his grip slightly. I kissed his cheek and he let go completely. I slowly backed away and opened the door, then threw out the bag. I re-shut the door and locked it.
“That takes balls to do what you just did.” I nodded.
“I don’t want balls.” he sobbed.
“It takes a lot of strength. And strength in a man is beautiful.”
I sat on the floor next to him. I kissed his nose and held his hands. “I’m so sorry you had to see me like this. I’m a wreck, a fucking disgusting wreck. I must look like the least appealing man you’ve ever met.”
“Not least appealing. But pretty close.”
He smirked and let out a choked laugh. “Damn.”
I wiped his eyes gently with my thumb and he stood up, offering me his hand. I took it and stood up too. I kissed his fresh cut and he winced in pain.
“Grab your things, you’re coming to my room.”
“I am?”
“Don’t you want to?”
“No, of course I do Nerva. Will they let me?”
“We’re fully grown adults. They’re not going to care if a female and a male share a room. Unless you don’t want to get cooties.”
He scoffed. “I suppose.”
Heroin got out his duffel bag and but in the few belongings he had. “Turn around.” he commanded.
“You haven’t got porn hidden under there, have you?”
“No, something else. But it’s embarrassing.”
I nodded and turned around, looking in the mirrored tiles to see what he was getting out. I saw a collection of sharp things and turned around.
“Heroin! What the fuck?”
“I told you to turn around!”
“Give me them.”
“No.”
“I said, give me them.”
“I said, no.”
I sighed and tried to snatch away the knives and broken objects, but ended up slicing myself, a deep gash across my wrist.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry Nerva!” he said, pulling my wrist up to his mouth, kissing it. He ripped off some fabric from his pants and tied it around my wrist. I winced and let one tear fall. It was so damn deep.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, stroking my face.
“Dizzy.”
“What did you cut yourself on?”
“The blue razor…” I whispered, my eyelids drooping.
“Shit, shit. Of all the ones…come on you’re feeling better now right? Right?”
White spots swirled around my eyes and my body suddenly became freezing. I started to shake slightly and my vision was completely blurred.
“Nurse!” he shouted. Heroin lifted me up into his arms and unlocked the door. “You’re so light. What the fuck have I done to you…” he said, tears falling down his cheeks again.
“What did you do to her?” shouted Nurse Kim.
“She tried to take away my razor… and cut herself accidentally.”
“You cut her on purpose, didn’t you?”
“No!” he squealed. “No! I didn’t, she did accidentally. But she’s so weak and the blood loss… and the infected instrument.”
Conversation was going on right in front of me, and all I could do was move my fingers slightly. I had no idea what was happening to me, I was aware of it, but couldn’t react to it. Help me.