What's It Like to Die Alone?

I woke up in a very stiff position and my wrist was excruciatingly painful. I blinked a few times and looked around. My vision was blurred so I fumbled around for my glasses, but they weren’t there.
“Nerva?”
“Where are my glasses?” I whispered, as that was all I could manage.
I felt them be slid on to my nose and my vision perfected. Heroin’s face was right in front of mine.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m in a lot of pain, but otherwise okay.”
“I’m so fucking sorry that I had to put you in this position… but you’re okay, thank God.”
“How long have I been in bed?”
“Nine days.”
“Nine days? Are you having a fucking laugh?”
He shook his head and kissed my hand, holding it. “I’m sorry. I’ve thrown away anything sharp now and I haven’t injected since you slipped.”
“Slipped?”
“Into a coma.”
“Oh my God.”
I looked down and everything seemed a lot bigger. “I’m fat…”
“What? No you’re not! You’re bigger, as in more curvy, because they could feed you through a drip. So you became mildly bigger. But you’re most definitely not fat. Fuck Nerva, if you think that’s fat… you’re still not big enough. No way near.”
“I’m practically obese.” I sobbed.
“Oh, hey, don’t cry. I think you’re stunning, you know that right? Because you are. And you’ll only get more beautiful as you fill out your curves more. Nerva, you’ve got to understand that when your ribs stick out, that’s not healthy nor is it sexy.”
“Heroin, I’m fat.” I cried, pulling him into a hug.
“Shh, babe, it’s okay. If I have to compliment you every second of every day until you believe me, I will. Come on, you want to get out of here don’t you? You want to be safe and live a normal life, right? I’m not safe for you, so you’ve got to get healthy quickly. It’s going to take me months to be fully clean, you can gain weight in a few days and be outta here in a few weeks. Then you can leave me and be happy.”
“I do actually like you, Heroin. You’re my friend, why would I want to leave you?”
“Because I’m a horribly twisted person. I nearly killed you because you were trying to look out for me. Hell, this place is full of freaks. Why do you think they locked me in that padded room? Is it because it’s more roomy? No, it’s because I’m fucked in the head. You gotta leave me alone.”
I frowned. “I don’t want to.”
“I’m gonna go. Don’t try and find me.”
He stood up and let go of my hands, then started walking away.
“Heroin, please.”
He ignored me and continued walking.
“Heroin! HEROIN!”
He whirled around and stared at me. “What?”
“Don’t go…”
“Are you trying to kill yourself? You know I’ll kill you, right?”
I shook my head slowly and he sunk to the floor, clutching his head, brown tufts of hair peeking through his fingers. “I hate you Nerva. I want you dead. I want your intestines smothered over these walls, with my name written in the right hand corner in your blood.” he laughed.
Strangely, this doesn’t faze me.
“I’ve had dreams for years on different ways of killing you. I’ve decided that I’d probably get you a little tipsy, inject you with morphine to numb you, then do whatever to my heart’s content, as long as you weren’t alive at the end of it. I have always wondered what would happen if I removed your eyes and put either salt or lemon juice in the socket.”
He looked up at me, swinging side to side steadily and biting his lip.
“Then I see your face. That damn face. Those blue eyes that I can only imagine must’ve bulged out of your head when you were an infant. Your cute little nose that makes me smile every time I see it. Your soft, rosy lips that make me want to kiss them just by being within a few meters of me. You’re beautiful. And my God don’t you know it.”
I had no idea how to reply to any of this. Nothing in my body altered, no emotions overcame me. I tilted my head to the left to show him I wasn’t letting his deepest thoughts just pass in and out. I was absorbing every detail.
“You don’t even say anything back. Why?”
“I’m digesting everything. You don’t faze me. You don’t scare me. I’m not freaked at all. What response do you want from me?”
“I want you to scream for the nurses to come get me, come put me in the straight jacket again. Tell me I’m fucked in the head and to leave you alone. Or how you know people who could shoot me dead in seconds, so I better not insult you or I might just not wake up. Something threatening, worrying, a normal response.”
“Seeing as you know me, although you refuse to tell me who you are, you should know by now that I’m not what people called ‘normal.’ Thus my collected response.”
He sighed and trailed his finger nails down his arm.
“What if I was to say I really want to have sex with you. What would you do, Nerva.”
“I’d say, everyone does sweetheart.”
He laughed. “That’s probably true. But honestly?”
“I’d probably nod and say ‘okay.’ What else is there to say.”
“That I should stop being so perverted? Keep it on my pants? Come on, let’s go to my room, I’m on the pill?”
I smiled at him. “All of the above, if you want. Heroin, what I say is what I mean. It may not necessarily be the response you want, but it’s the one I’m going to give you.”
“And that only makes you more attractive. I hate you but I love your face.”