What's It Like to Die Alone?

Heroin refused to talk to me. The nurses had also banned him from seeing me or they’ll charge him for assault. Even if I decided to drop all charges, which I would.
It was pitch black outside and my clock read 3:48 am. I blinked a few times and I shuddered. The heater was broken and my room was absolutely freezing. I pulled on another hoodie and another pair of socks. Goosebumps were still apparent on my neck and I sighed, tucking myself up in bed.
A face flashed in the window and I saw Heroin. His blood-shot eyes glowed in the night. I rushed over to the cabinet, took an energy tablet then returned to the window, sliding it up.
“I missed you.” he whispered. “I missed you.”
“Then you shouldn’t have ignored me, bastard.”
“Like I had a choice.”
“You did. And you chose not to see me.”
“Ugh, I-I… don’t make me say it Nerva.”
“Then fuck off.” I frowned, slamming down the window. I went to turn the light out, but saw the tears streaming down his face and the goosebumps spread across his body.
I sighed and let my softer side take over, opening the window. He held my hands delicately and kissed them once. “I’m sorry for being an ignorant ass hole.”
“Are you really?”
He nodded rapidly and I half-smiled. “Then come in, you fool. Come keep me warm.”
I let go of him and he swung his legs through the window. I shut it quickly and he kicked off his shoes.
“It’s so cold tonight.”
“Bitterly so.” I nodded.
“You have a king size bed? That is so not fair!” he squealed.
“How old are you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Too old.” he laughed and got into my bed. “You coming or what?”
“I thought you wanted to do something… I just took a tablet for you.”
“Oh, right, of course. There’s not much to do here, really.”
I crawled back into bed and he put his mildly toned arms around my waist. “I like your tattoos.” I said.
“Thanks. Me too. If only I hadn’t slashed them they’d look better.”
“I think it still looks pretty.” I shivered again. “It’s so damn cold!”
“I know how we could warm up.”
“Does your idea involve anything sexual?”
“Yes, it does. But it’d work.”
“Only to warm us up, right?”
“Oh yeah, of course. We’d only do it to warm ourselves up. As soon as we were nice and toasty we could stop.”
I looked down at my arms, and I was fucking cold. I have so little fat on my body that I can’t maintain heat or insulate myself. I used to have an electric blanket but they took it away after another patient was electrocuted by theirs.
“Then sure, let’s have sex.”
His mouth dropped. “I was kidding.”
“I’m not, I’m fucking cold Heroin.”
“Wow, okay, um, awesome.”
He pressed his lips to mine and I wasted no time in deepening it, our tongues massaging each other. I moved slightly so my legs were either side of his and he put his hands firmly on my butt. I trailed kisses down his neck and to his shoulder blade, then back to his collar bone, licking and sucking. I bit down hard, letting the blood seep out and he moaned. I’d suspected he was slightly masochistic.
He carefully pulled me away from his skin. “Are we keeping on clothes?”
I bit my lip, puzzled. “Your choice.”
“I’m a fan of naked-ness, personally.”
“Then start stripping.”
He smiled sexily and I threw off my hoodie, shirt and wife beater. I un-did his and forced my lips back on to his. He ripped off my bra and fondled my chest tenderly, then harder and harder, causing my moans to get louder and louder. He broke the kiss and trailed his lips lightly down my throat then along my breasts. He flicked his tongue and I gasped.
I worked down his neck, planting sensual kisses just under his ear, my right hand under his other ear. He panted as my sucks and licks became more violent, causing him more pleasure.
He slid down my pajama pants slowly and I kicked them off. I licked my lips and un-did his belt, zipper and then slid them off completely.
Heroin pulled me close, into a messy kiss, our bare chests against each other. We rubbed against each other, creating heat and friction, something I desperately needed.
I stroked him once and pulled down his tight boxer shorts. He gasped slightly as the cold air swarmed around his most sensitive areas.
His hands scanned my scantily clad body and pulled down my thin panties. His warm fingers trailed further down and I groaned in pleasure as he massaged me gently, slowly increasing his pace.
“Fuck, you’re moans are so sexy.” he growled into my ear, biting it lightly.
I took him into my hands and pumped once. He moaned deeply and I removed my hands. “Don’t just stop.” he breathed.
I re-wrapped my hands and pumped slowly to taunt him.
“Faster, faster.” he panted. ”Please.”
I increased pace and a flood of obscenities left his mouth, so to stop him I attached my lips to his plump ones, kissing him both passionately and forcefully. A groan escaped the back of his throat, making me smirk into the kiss and my hands gripping harder whilst pumping.
“I’m so close, we gotta do this before I erupt.” he demanded, breathing heavily. “You’ve got protection, right?
“Well, I’m anorexic, so I don’t have periods, so I won’t get pregnant.”
“Oh…” he blushed, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t want to sound rude, but-”
“I’m disease free, don’t worry.”
“Okay.” he smiled and crashed our lips together again. He penetrated me and thrust quickly, hitting the spot after a three tries. I moaned loudly, throwing my head back.
“Heroin, god damn…”
“You feel so good.” he whispered, then cussed and bucked his hips.
He cried out pleasurably and ground his hips and pelvis in to mine, gripping at my hips so tightly his nails left indentations in my skin. Each breath came out more erratic with each thrust and lunge of the bottom half of his body.
He thrusted quicker and harder than before, creating as much friction between us as possible, as this would end soon. I clenched his butt with my hands and we kissed sloppily, both moaning loudly.
I could feel my optimum approaching, as my eyes rolled to the back of my head, white spots surrounding them. My hands ran through his lush hair as he took in short, sharp breaths meshed together with moans. My walls tightened around him, causing him to swear loudly.
“I’m, I’m gonna…” he stuttered.
One last thrust was all he could take. He filled me with his warm seed and his hips dropped back to the bed, pulling out. I laid down next to him and he linked my fingers with his. Our chests rose up and down quickly and I kissed his cheek.
I licked my lips.
“Wow.” he said. “It’s been a while since I’ve done that.”
“I could tell.”
“Shut up.” he laughed. “Quick, hug me, and we’ll keep warm for a little bit longer.”
I pressed my bare body to his and pulled the sheets over us, along with the comforters. He wrapped his arms around me.
“You’re so warm now.” he smiled.
“That’s your fault. You actually bruised my hips.”
“I did? Oh shit, I’m so sorry Freya.”
I sat up quickly, clutching the sheets. “You called me Freya.”
“That’s your name.”
“Who told you that?”
“You did, several years ago. You know that I know you.”
“But you won’t tell me your name?”
“No, I’m sorry. Not yet.”
“I suppose it startled me a little bit that you called me Freya, I’m so used to Nerva.”
“Freya is a much prettier name.”
I smiled and laid back down, cuddling into him. “Can I call you something other than Heroin? It’s not exactly a great name.”
“Call me… I don’t know, B? Call me stuff like sweetheart, babe, honey. That’s certainly a lot nicer.”
“But it’s so… coupley.”
“True, true. We did just have sex, though.”
“That doesn’t make us a couple.”
“It makes us more of one than before.”
“True, true.” I smiled, mocking him. He ruffled my hair. “You seem really happy, B. I like it.”
“Well, this is the happiest I’ve been since coming here. And I’ve been in and out of here for years. It’s basically like a second home. Normally, I would visit for two days, maximum, then get out again. But I was on the brink of death so I made myself stay here. I’m doing good now, and that’s mainly because of you.”
“Me? Really?”
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “Yes of course, you.”
I smiled then paused for a bit. “What made you start all of this? The drugs, the slashing.”
A pained expression took over his face.
“You don’t have to answer.”
“No, I need to come to terms with it. It was a girl. A very special girl, who I’d obsessed over for years. I finally tell her how I feel and she didn’t feel the way back. I’d lost everything else so I attempted suicide almost straight after. Some people found me and told me to live my life, but if it got worse, to come back to them. So I did. And they hooked me up with the drugs and showed me how to cut properly. It was only marijuana to start but it rapidly escalated to heroin. I took up smoking too, was drunk 24/7, caught several STDs… don’t worry I’m clean now. I flipped out, basically. But I’m not a teenager anymore, I’m a twenty two year old man who’s got to get on with his life. Who knows, maybe I’ll be clean soon and I can love again. Maybe even get married, have kids, grow old happily. Stop disappointing everyone.”
“You’re not a disappointment to me.”
“But you’re too nice.”
“I’m honest.”
He kissed my fore head again and cuddled up closer to me. I hugged him tightly.
“Good night, love.”
“Good night Freya.”