See the Sky, See the Stars, All of This Could Be Ours

I sat staring at the door for who knows how long. Most likely hours because the bus slowly started getting brighter and brighter with the sun light that peaked in through the curtains. I was still trying to wrap my head around things; mostly the fact that Mum has cancer once again. It hurt to think about it but it wasn’t something that I could drop and act like it wasn’t there. It was there.

I sighed and placed my head in my hands. The odd tear was still falling from my eyes. I think I am too shocked still to actually cry much. It felt like I had run into a brick wall at high speed.

“Tara.” I heard Max say my name.

But I sat still where I was saying nothing; like if I was frozen though a small part of me was wondering why he was up this bloody early for. I sighed lightly again.

“Hey there you are.” He said; his voice behind me. “I woke up and you weren’t there or in the bathroom. I though you ran away.” He chuckled.

I stayed still where I was, trying to get myself together just to look at him. Suddenly I felt his hands on my shoulders.

“Love are you ok? What’s wrong?” He asked softly.

I finally looked up at him then. He looked at me shocked when he saw my face; I have no idea what he would have seen in my face. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest just as he sat next to me. I felt his arms wrap around me too.

We both sat there for what felt like a long time. I still said nothing. What was I going to say to him? Actually the question was how am I going to tell him. I let out another light sigh. Max pulled me into his lap and I heard my phone fall into the step. Max reached out and grabbed it before placing it in his pocket so he could place his fingers under my chin to make me look at his face.

“Tara, say something please. What’s wrong?” He asked worried.
“I got a call from Mum.” I said lightly.

He nods his head for me to continue. I took a deep breath.

“S-she got some test back from the doctor...” I felt a tear fall down my face.

Max brushed it away with his thumb but another one fell.

“She has cancer again.” I said just above a whisper.

Max froze looking shocked. I looked down and bit my lip to stop me from balling my eyes out.

“She...Has cancer...?” Max whispered shocked.
“Yeah. Breast cancer again.” I whispered burring my head in his shoulder.

That’s when I really started crying. Tears fell from my eyes and onto his shirt. He was frozen for a moment longer before holding me tighter. Suddenly he stood up with me in his arms somehow. He walked over to one of the couches and sat down. He didn’t say anything. I don’t think he knew what to say. I didn’t. All I could do was cry.

Max then lied down on the couch so I was mostly lying on top of him with my head resting on his chest. He held me tightly and ran his hand up and down my back. It calmed me a little.

“Do they know how bad it is?” He asked quietly.
“She said they the doctors told her that they found it very early.”

I felt him nod his head.

“She said that they have to operate sometime soon.” I said wiping some tears away. “Then I guess that she’ll go on chemotherapy again.” I shuddered at that.

I remember what she was like when she was on it last time. She was so sick she looked half dead. I was her carer almost 27/7 then when I wasn’t at school. That’s why I almost failed year 12 because I was to busy caring for her. I think that is one of the reasons why Mum talked me into coming over here to work as a lyric composer.

I closed my eyes and Max continued to run his hand up and down my back. Once again we were quiet for a very long time. I just lied there with my eyes closed. Then I felt Max move my hair from my face and kiss my forehead. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He kissed my forehead again. I couldn’t help but smile the slightest bit.

Suddenly my phone went off. Making both me and Max jump. He move a little and got my phone out of his pocket. I know that it was a text message.

“Who is it from?” I asked before he was just about to hand the phone to me.

I just didn’t feel like moving at the moment, even to grab my phone. Max pressed a couple of buttons.

“It’s from your Mum. She said that the house phone won’t work properly and can’t call you on there. She also said that the doctor is planning on making the operation next month.” He said.

I nod my head.

“Ok. Can you write back to her for me?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“Tell her I said its ok and that I’ll try and call her later on or tomorrow, if my mobile will work.”
“Mobile?” Max asked.
“Meaning cell phone.” I sighed.
“Oh.”

He started texting back for me. I watched as he hit the send button. That is one thing I hate about my phone. Half of the time calls don’t go though back home and other mobile don’t connect to mine properly unless texting. It’s a real pain. Only house phones seam to connect to that phone. But then again it’s an Australian phone and I’m in America so that might be why, though it did work fine when I first came here...

“Hey what was that noise? Was it someone’s phone?” Craig said walking to the other couch and falling back on it.
“It was Tara’s phone.” Max mumbled quietly.

I looked up at Craig and looked back at me.

“Hey what’s wrong?” He asked.

I looked down.

“What’s going on?” Monte asked almost coming from nowhere.

I bit my lip and moved my head into Max’s neck. He sighed.

“Want me to tell them?” He whispered.
“Yes.” I whispered back.
“Well um...” Max started. “Tara got some bad news from home.”
“What kind of bad news?” I heard Robert asked.

Well their all awake now. I closed me eyes.

“Tara’s Mum has cancer again.” Max said.

I then could fell all of their eyes on me. I bit my lip to stop me from crying again.

“Oh...” I heard Monte mumble.
“How back is it?” Robert asked.
“Don’t know.” I mumbled against Max’s neck.
“The doctors did say that they caught it really early.” Max said for me.

Everyone went quiet for a moment. I moved my head again so it was resting on Max’s chest so I could see the others. They all liked at me sadly and I looked Robert, Monte, Craig and then up at Max.

I know that I have a real tough decision to make. Either stay here with the guys or go back home and be with Mum through everything. I feel torn. But I know that Mum will need me there for her. She can’t go through this alone. I know that Tammy will be there, I’m sure that she will know what’s happening by now. But I need to be there for her too. I love her too much to let her go through this alone.

Either way no matter which thing I decide to do, it’s going to be hard.