Untouchable

I pushed the first tape into the video machine and sat back on the chair. The tape was unnamed, the label clean white.

There was something - a hand - blocking the camera lense. I heard a sigh, sad and... scared. Very scared. It dragged out, ragged and tired. Then the hand moved, and I saw a face. A girl. She was sitting on a chair, by a window.

It looked like early morning. I could tell she was shivering. She was only wearing a short sleeved top and jeans, but she had a jacket on the right arm of her chair. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, and drew in a breath.
I listened intently.

It has been a while since I've considered myself 'normal', and I don't think I will ever call myself that again for as long as I live. It wont be long untill I will be living alone, after life. I will be new and shiny, in the life after this one. I will be different, but I will be me, not her. I will not be tired every day and I will be living alone. Alone.

She said the word as if it were a paradise.

I know what people are saying about me. I know that they are calling the police when they see me. I know they say that they know what's happening and that they are all going to fix it. But I also know that they are all lying. The only person who doesn't lie isher. But I never believe a word she says. I hate her. I just want to be alone.

It was strange. I have never had an imaginary friend. I never used to make up people when I was little. I'm not the kind to make friends easily, but I still have, orhad friends. So when I first knew that she was here, I felt exposed, but... captured, at the same time.

She moved her hands around as she spoke, fidgeting, biting her nails. When she said "captured", she reached out as if to snatch something, and pull it back to her.

I can't sleep. I just keep thinking things like "run. If I don't run she'll hurt my family. If I don't run, I will hurt my family. She is me and I am her." I have to run away from myself.

She shook her head and scratched her arm lightly, but then grew more forcefull, ferosciously clawing at her arm, as if trying to get something off it. Then she stopped, rubbing it gently, like a mother soothes their child. She turned back to the camera, her eyes peircing.

What are you scared of? Terrorism? Sickness? Being alone? 'Will my partner stay by me if I become ill?' Dying? Nobody wants to die, everybody wants to live forever. Falling in love? Or the man upstairs? Or maybe your not scared of anything yet. But you will be. I know. I wasn't scared of anything, but now I am. I'm terrified. Of her.

Have you ever noticed that everybody only answers with one thing. Whether it's something as small as spiders, or as big as world destruction, they are proud to only say one thing. But we're all scared of more than one thing. We're scared of loosing people we love, dying, natural disasters, mentall illness, physical illness, even freaking alien invasions.

I'm not only scared ofher. No, much more...

She paused for a very long time, watching her fingers as they tangled around each other.

I guess one way to say it is that everybody is scared of "bad". Bad things happening, bad people, bad feelings and bad thoughts.

Suddenly, her attention was caught by something out the window. She watched it, and I had the feeling that she had forgotten about the camera. But then she said something, making me jump.

Have you ever seen a bug as it tries to get outside? Trying to get out but stopped by a transparent, hard,cold barrier. Have you?

She looked at the camera, but I felt like she was looking directly at me.

It just keeps going and going and going and going. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

She stared, and I was frozen, holding my breath. I thought I felt the stare of something behind me, and was terrified, but I was too scared to turn around and look away from her face, as if she would jump out of the screen and step on me. Just like a bug. But just when I thought I couldn't take enough, she put her hand up to the screen and it went black.

I let out my breath and turned around, to see nobody. I jumped half out of my seat as I heard the video player make a strange clicking noise. I reached over and pressed eject, and the tape slided out. It was warm in my hands.