Untouchable

That day I was distracted. I couldn't work properly. I couldn't sleep. I kept having the girl's face in my mind and her voice in my ears. I jumped at every noise or movement. I tried everything to distract myself, but it didn't work. Nothing worked that day, not my mind, my body, nothing. I felt wobbly in the legs and unsteady on my feet, like a baby deer treading on new ground.

I seemed to spend the whole day contemplating whether I should watch the rest or leave them be. If I did watch them, I risked a lot of things. For one, my sanity. But by not watching them I was scared that the curiosity would too drive me mad.

I decided that I would watch another one, try to find out who this girl is, and who can help her. But as I slipped the second tape into the video player, I had a sick feeling dawning over me. I waited, and once again her hand was covering the lense. She drew it away, and kept her eyes on the ground.

It was afternoon, and the warm orange light shone on her face. I saw for the first time the details of her features, rather than basic shapes that I couldn't quite make out because of the darkness.

She had blonde hair, which was wispy, but not messy. She had a slightly round face, and sunken brown eyes, which looked like they once had a soft sparkle in them, and pale pink lips. She didn't look like a monster, nor a ghost, but something about the darkness in her eyes made me frightened.

So I haven't scared you away? You know, I should say thanks.

She laughed bitterly

Or sorry.

She scratched her chin. I felt like I knew her, like I knew what she was thinking. It was a bit like the feeling you would get if you read someone's diary, only much, much more. I felt intrusive, but intruiged.

Either thanks for watching me and my sad little videos, or sorry for making you so curious or worried or whatever, that you had to watch more. Well, whichever it was, you're watching, so I may as well start explaining. You're probably the only person who'll listen. You see, when I tell you who she is, you'll think I'm crazy. But I'm asking you now to just keep watching and at least try to understand. Unless it's disturbing or distressing or whatever.

I felt like my stomach turned upside down. She seemed, if a tiny amount, more lighthearted today, but even that didn't brighten anything that she just said.

Have you ever had deja vu? I get deja vu about twice a day, on some days. Sometimes, I don't get it for a few months, then suddenly,bam. So many things I remember and could swear they happened once or even twice before.

But once, it was the weirdest. I had these fleeting images in my mind. Memories, I think; flashing before my eyes. I remember thinking I was going to die, but I have no other memory of when or why that happened.

It turns out, that wasn'tactually... Me. It was her. So, somehow, I had the memories of this person stuck in my head. And then, I started getting more. I would go to someplace, and suddenly feel like I knew it. Like I had seen it all before. Like I knew what was going to happen when I went down this corridor, and I knew what was going to be around this corner. But when I touched the walls or walked around, physically, it was all new to me. I had never ever been in this place before, in my life. Huh. Inmy life, though. But she had in hers.

I imagined her walking around a corner, dragging her fingers across the stone wall as she walked. I could understand, but I don't think I could take it in.

And the weirdest thing. I walked past this person on the street, and I accidentally bumped into him. I said sorry, and recognised his face. I knew his face, and I knew his voice. I said 'Do I know you?' And he said 'no'. I said 'I'm pretty sure I've seen you before...' And then suddenly I remembered. His name was Kyle or something, but when I said his name, he asked me who I was. I went to say my name but instead, it was like something inside of me forced another name to come out. His eyes widened, and he ran away.

I'm not sure what happened, but that kind of thing has been happening ever since.

She rubbed her face with her hand, and look out the window. She was scratching her arm again. I noticed that it was red and covered in scratch marks.

I think she's tired. She wasn't angry today. Most days she gets angry whenever I do something wrong. It might be a bit hard to understand, but you know how some people hurt others if they do something that they consider bad or wrong? Well, it's what she does, only instead of hitting me, she pulls and tuggs and punches all my insides, and it feels like I'm dying from the inside out.

She just gets so angry. I don't know when or where but she will start again. Hopefully I'll be finished these tapes by then.

Her eyes were closed, and she seemed to be holding something back. She wanted to say something.

I'm scared.