Turn The Lights On

Two weeks had passed, and I was feeling a bit better, but I still wasn’t allowed to move much. I hadn’t returned to work, nor did I want to.
That night came in flashes, and I would screech or scream in my sleep, or with whatever I was doing. The smallest thing would set me off for remembering him. Kevin had a small get together and they served the same alcohol he drank that night. I went into utter terrors and made Joe take me to his room.
I felt like I ruined everything around here. Joe’s been so busy with me, he hasn’t even paid attention to Kevin and Nick. Nick openly tells me flat out that he doesn’t enjoy me around and wishes I would stay at my own place. He says I take up too much of Joe’s time. I never did tell Joe he said all of that.
“Can I get you anything?” Joe asked me as I laid, half asleep on his bed. He was doing band work, by my command, and I couldn’t stop him from checking in on me.
“I’m fine, honey, honestly.” I smiled, kind of irritated that he kept doing that.
“Okay, call if you need me.” He smiled and blew me a kiss.
Is it bad that I feel like he is doing this because it’s a rub in the face of what he was just telling me before it happened?
I grabbed my phone and text messaged Amanda. I told her what I felt and waited for a return message. I jumped when my phone received a message and she asked me if I wanted to go out and talk about it. I replied a quick ‘yes’ and stood up to get ready. It was about eight and I even wondered if Joe would let me go.
While I walked downstairs I got another message from Amanda saying she had to go get groceries and that I could join her if I wanted to. I kept walking down the stairs, happy to really go anywhere, and found Joe in the kitchen with Kevin.
“Joe, honey?” Sweetly, I asked.
“Yes?” He smiled at me.
“Can I go with Amanda to get groceries? Please?” I begged a little, but at least it would get my point across.
“Do you feel up to it?” He asked me, turning his attention from Kevin, who had a similar look on his face of concern.
“Yes, and I need to get out for a minute. It’ll help me, I promise.” I smiled. He nodded and I kissed his nose. “Thanks.” I smiled and ran back upstairs to put on something comfy. I messaged Amanda to pick me up and she took no time getting there.

We finally got to the grocery store through all the Saturday traffic at 8:30 pm. When I got in, I felt like everyone was staring at me and I closed my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Amanda asked me, getting a cart.
“I’m fine, I just…it’s rough being back out in public.” I explained.
“Oh…so how are things? What’s up with Joe?” She asked, starting down the first aisle, placing random things in her cart from the shelves.
“They’re…going. He won’t leave me alone! He checks in on me every five seconds!”
“He’s just worried, babe. When I had pneumonia a year ago, Norman wouldn’t even acknowledge I was sick. He still expected me to cook and clean!” She threw a can in the buggy, I’m assuming she’s still mad about that.
“True…but it’s like, he won’t let me go out, and he won’t let me leave the house. He was hesitant about me doing this with you!”
“You have to understand…you guys are still in the honeymoon phase and you just got…” she began whispering, “raped.”
“I know…I know. I just kind of wish I could spend some time alone, but I know, just as soon as I go home and stay away from him, another bad nightmare will come back.”I shrugged. She nodded like she understood. “I know I’m going to quit working at the club.”
“I don’t blame you. Oh! I’m getting a new bartender job!”
“Really? Where?” We rounded the corner for the magazine aisle and stopped to look for a second.
“A private caterer wants me to work for them. I have to cover my tattoos, but it’s worth the seven dollar an hour pay!” She chuckled. She picked up a tabloid magazine while I stuck to my ‘Spin.’ She flipped through it and gasped. “I know why he doesn’t want you leaving the house…” She whispered.
“What?” I was curious and looked over her shoulder. My heart froze.
“Look!” I took the magazine from her hands and looked at the photo staring back at me. There was one of me huddled into Joe beside a cop car, then a mug shot of the man that raped me. I dropped the magazine to the ground and shook my head.
“I can’t believe they would put that in the press!” I shouted. Amanda had to cover my mouth to shut me up.
“Let’s get out of here and get you back to Joe’s, at least we know it’s safe there.” She kept whispering. I just nodded and threw the magazine against the rack.
When we got to the front of the store, the cashier was a young girl with a lot of black eyeliner on and superfluous ‘JONAS’ buttons on. I knew she knew who I was and I just acted like nothing was going on. She checked stuff slowly and studied my face to make sure I was who I was.
When she was done and Amanda had her change, we started the walk out, but she called to me, “Wait!” She yelped and came from behind her cash register. I looked at Amanda and she shrugged at me.
“Yes?” I asked looking at her, she was taller than me.
“You’re…Bea? Right? Dating Joe?” She asked. I was scared now, is she going to kill me?
“Yes, I am, why?”
“I just wanted to let you know, all the Jonas fans are praying for you…we feel really bad, and give Joe our best regards too, it must be really rough on him.” She grabbed my hands and patted them softly, and it healed me…it kind of patched up the small space that was still torn open.
“I will, thank you…thank you so much.” I said and kept walking out of the store behind Amanda.

“That was strange.” I said. It was the first thing I’d said since we left the store and I was still shocked as Amanda pulled into the circular drive of the house of Jonas.
“It really was.” She agreed. We hugged and she told me to call her just as soon as I felt like really doing something together and I made a promise she’d be the first I called. I need to call Kate, she’d been sending me messages all the while with encouraging words. I would always just message back with a ‘Thanks’ and never acknowledge her anymore. When her and Kevin wanted to hang out, they always went to her place, it was more secluded and the paparazzi had yet to find her bungalow.
“Joe!” I yelled, walking into the foyer. I heard steps coming from behind the stair case and was met with Mr. Joe Jonas himself. “I know why you’ve been keeping from the outside world.”
“You saw the pictures, didn’t you?” He asked, looking at me seriously.
“Yes!” He seemed surprised that I was excited, but I had to tell him about the fan. “I had a girl, the cashier actually, say all the Jonas fans were praying for me…it healed my soul, honestly.”
“Our fans are the best…” He shrugged and chuckled.
“Oh, and she told me to give you best regards, because it must be really rough for you.” I said, quoting her.
“Wow…” He said. I nodded and he hugged me. “They have no idea though.” He whispered in my ear. I felt him kiss my head and I snuggled into his chest, cooing like a child.
“I’m quitting my job.” I said, still in his grip. He pulled me back, hands still on my shoulders.
“Are you sure?” he asked me. “Don’t let this quit what you like doing…” He reasoned.
“No…this was my final straw, I’ve been wanting to have an excuse to leave for a while now anyway. Amanda is getting another job, and Kate told me one day that she got another job working as a personal assistant to someone.”
“As long as you’re okay with it, I’m fine with it.”
“I’m fine with it…I need to be the woman my man wants.” I smiled at him and he kissed my nose.
“I LOVE THIS GIRL!” He yelled into the house and I heard Nick groan from his bedroom.