Guilt

...The beeps of the machine filled her ears, and suddenly Julianne stumbled and fell, straight through the white linoleum and into the darker unknown below...

Julianne snapped upright as if some hidden spring underneath her back had uncoiled suddenly, shooting her into a sitting position. Always, it was the same nightmare. She felt grateful, however, that it didn’t occur every night. It was a perfect mirror image of the night Kelly died and never failed to stab Julianne’s heart with shards of iron icicles.

“You deserve every second of suffering,” Kelly’s voice whispered suddenly from the darkest depths of Julianne’s shadowy room. He sounded furious, the kind of furious Julianne rarely saw and feared more than anything Kelly could ever do. Subconsciously, Julianne pulled the edge of her sheet up to her chest, drawing from the odd childlike consolation that her blanket could protect her from the monsters.

A shimmer of light, like a waterfall of crystals cascading down the side of a snow-capped mountain, flashed at the foot of Julianne’s bed, and when she blinked, Kelly sat there. He looked like he must’ve at the moment of the crash. His transparent clothes, slightly more see-through than his skin, were torn in several places, and faded pinkish blood coated his face and neck. One of his shoes was hanging from his foot, the shoelace wrapped several times around his pale ankle.

“Kelly, I’m sorry,” Julianne whispered, her voice sounding weak and feeble after Kelly’s resonant ghost voice. When he spoke again, his voice sounded less echo-filled and more pointed and harsh.

“Like fuck you are,” Kelly spat, and Julianne recoiled back until her back pressed against the wooden headboard. “You liked that kiss, didn’t you?”

“Yes...but, Kelly, it means—” Julianne struggled to defend herself.

“QUIET!” Kelly bellowed, and his voice seemed to fill the entire house, the entire planet even. Julianne wondered if the astronauts in the space station could hear his scream. “You liked it. I’ve been dead for how long? A year and three months or so? And already my ‘faithful’ wife is moving on with some man she met in an off-chance encounter!”

“Kelly, it meant nothing,” Julianne insisted. She thought she felt her sheets tighten gently around her legs, but she couldn’t be sure. “I swear to you it meant absolutely nothing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You knew exactly what you were doing,” Kelly growled, his empty ghost eyes narrowing. Julianne knew for sure this time—her sheet was slowly tightening around her body, like the gentle, even caressing, squeezing of an anaconda as it crushes it prey to death. “When I married you, I thought I was marrying a woman who would remain faithful to me even beyond death. I didn’t realize I was marrying an unsympathetic whore.”

“Kelly, please,” Julianne gasped as the sheet tightened around her chest, crushing her lungs until she could barely take a breath. “I love you so much, Kelly. I’m sorry!”

“Would you like to join me in death?” Kelly spat viciously as Julianne’s sheets tightened more and more around her body. “We can haunt this house together. How sweet.”

“Kelly,” Julianne gasped, struggling now with the sheets slowly killing her. Kelly watched coldly on as she thrashed. The sheets seemed to take on a quick sand-like quality: the more Julianne thrashed and fought, tighter and tighter the sheet became until Julianne wondered if maybe it would just crush her bones into fine particles of dust inside her body. Matt would begin to worry, and in a few days he would arrive at her house, only to find her dead in her own bed, with Kelly’s triumphant laughter fading into little more than an echo...

Julianne awoke with a gasp. Her sheets, ice cold and wet with her own cold sweat, clung close to her body. A spike of terror rippled down her spine, but after a few moments Julianne realized her sheets were only wrapped around her because she must’ve been thrashing around in her bed. The remnants of her dream faded slowly in the back of her eyes as she quickly and clumsily disentangled herself from the sheets.

With a startled cry, Julianne fell backward off of the side of her bed. She landed hard on the floor, her legs from the knee down still on the bed. Ghost feet materialized inches from her, and slowly Julianne raised her head to see Kelly’s foggy window specter staring grimly down at her. Julianne wasn’t sure whether or not she imagined the look of hurt and anger on his face, but he faded away too quickly for her to make sure either way.

Julianne sighed and lay back on the floor, staring up at her darkened ceiling. Today would be one of those days.

{*****}

Matt dug his hands into his pockets as he walked up Julianne’s driveway towards her front door the following afternoon. Sleep hadn’t washed away the feel of Julianne’s lips against his from the previous night. He’d only wished that Julianne hadn’t seemed so guilty and ashamed for kissing him. It’d been a pleasant experience for him, but judging by her reaction, there wouldn’t be a repeat performance any time soon.

Matt decided the best possible way to see Julianne today without getting yelled at or kicked out of the house would be to just act like the kiss never happened. He wouldn’t mention it if she didn’t. He would just pretend he’d forgotten about it or thought nothing of the kiss. If Julianne decided to bring it up, so be it. He would contribute to the conversation without complaint.

Matt frowned as he pulled on Julianne’s front door. Lately, she’d been leaving it unlocked after getting tired of answering the door for him day in and day out. For some reason, however, she’d locked the door again today. Matt stepped back from the door, deciding there must be something wrong with Julianne today. Maybe she was freaking out about kissing Matt. In that case, he needed to see Julianne to tell her not to worry about it.

From inside the house, Matt heard a small click. It sounded like the lock being turned. Figuring Julianne must’ve seen him pull in and hurried to unlock it, Matt stepped forward and pushed the door open. There was no one behind the door, or anywhere near the door. Huh, Matt thought, maybe I just didn’t turn the doorknob enough that first time.

He thought nothing more of it and closed the front door behind him.

“Julianne,” Matt called, quickly scanning the living room. He received no answer. Frowning once more, Matt quickly strode around the entire first story of Julianne’s house. Upon finding no one, and even glancing out into the backyard and still finding Julianne’s presence lacking, he started up the stairs.

Finally, he found Julianne in her bedroom. She sat on a stool next to her window, looking listlessly out at her backyard. Matt instantly knew something was definitely wrong then. Julianne didn’t even turn as she heard Matt step into the room. She probably had heard him open the door downstairs and call her name.

“Julianne?” Matt asked questioningly, stepping towards her. She didn’t respond. “Julianne, what’s wrong?”

Before Matt could step any closer, Julianne swiveled around on her stool. She looked pale under her slight tan, and deep hollows were carved out of her cheeks right under her eyes. She looked wary and her eyes looked about as alive as two slabs of chocolate. She looked sort of like an oddly attractive zombie.

“Just one of those days,” Julianne answered. She sat slumped over, her shoulders hunched and her back bent.

“How about some ice cream?” Matt asked, stepping nearer to Julianne. She moved as though to turn back towards her window, but her stomach, at the mention of ice cream, grumbled loudly, and Julianne stopped mid-turn. Julianne looked back up at Matt, and he grinned. She continued to be as stoic as ever.

“I’ll put chocolate and caramel on it, just like you like it,” Matt wheedled, extending a hand towards Julianne. Ice cream was kryptonite to Julianne. He could see the internal struggle going on in Julianne’s head behind her cold chocolate eyes: whether to stay where she was, or accept Matt’s offer of ice cream.

“With crunched up Oreos on top?” Julianne confirmed. Matt nodded. “I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Matt said quickly as Julianne slipped her hand into his. Her hand felt ice cold against his. He pulled her gently to her feet. “You’re an adult now. You can have ice cream whenever you want.”

“Just like I can choose my own bedtime,” Julianne replied dryly. Matt grinned in relief. She was being sarcastic. Surely that was a good sign. “Yeah, I guess ice cream sounds good.”

“Alright then,” Matt said eagerly, pulling Julianne towards her bedroom door.