Guilt

Julianne pulled the curtain over her living room window aside in time to see Matt’s headlights flicker off in the driveway. She retreated from the window, watching the curtain as it gently slid back to its partner, bumping gently against the opposite fabric. Moments later, her doorbell rang, and she took a deep breath before pulling it open.

Matt stood on her doorstep, grinning and holding a square, flat box wrapped in paper. The wrapping paper was plastered with Mater from Cars—Julianne loved Cars, and her favorite character was Mater.

“I told you no presents!” Julianne protested as Matt slipped through the front door. She tried to look stern, but the corners of her mouth twitched upward anyway. She put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at Matt. He grinned wider, deepening his dimples, and held the box out towards Julianne. Neither of them spoke for several moments. Finally, knowing she was only wasting time and Matt wouldn’t give up any time soon, Julianne wrenched the box from Matt’s grasp, feigning annoyance.

“I’m just doing this because we’re wasting time otherwise,” Julianne snapped, but she knew Matt saw right through her weak façade. He knew she was actually happy he’d thought enough to get her a gift. She carefully tore a slit in the wrapping paper and gently slid the box out. She untied the orange ribbon knotted around the box and finally slid the lid off.

Inside, nestled on a silky white cushion, were two gray earrings that reminded her of ocean waves.

“To go with your outfit,” Matt said quietly. Julianne looked back up at Matt and smiled despite herself.

“They’re gorgeous,” Julianne answered. It must’ve been what Matt wanted to hear, because he grinned again, looking proud of himself for pleasing the usually non-smiling lady.

“You can put them on in the car,” Matt said, gently grabbing Julianne’s elbow and pulling her from the house. “Like you said, we’re wasting time.”

Somehow, by some strange persuasion force Julianne didn’t realize he possessed, Matt had convinced her to let him take her to Johnny’s Bar to celebrate her twenty-seventh birthday. Originally, she planned to spend the night home, alone, just as though it were any other night. Upon hearing her plans, however, Matt would hear none of it and insisted on taking her out somewhere. Apparently, according to him, there was no better place for a good time in Huntington than at Johnny’s Bar. Julianne wouldn’t know—she’d never even step foot in the place before. But Kelly had never taken her there, so that was one less painful memory she’d have to tough out.

Speaking of Kelly, Julianne glanced out of the corner of her eye at Matt as he stared straight ahead at the road. Ever since he’d found her memory box, she’d felt free to mention Kelly to him once in a while—usually, it was just to tell him where Kelly had taken her before so they wouldn’t visit the same place. Matt never got annoyed with Julianne when a sudden memory would strike her walking down the street past a certain alley or storefront that held substance for her when Kelly had still been living. He never got upset when she refused to visit some place just because of the memories of Kelly it would bring up. Matt was surprisingly understanding and empathetic about all of it, and Julianne was more open with him than she’d ever been with anyone else. She still refused to talk about the details of Kelly’s death—he’d died, and that was all Matt needed to know.

“Lots of memories at this place,” Matt sighed as they climbed out of the car at Johnny’s Bar. “The guys and I used to come here all the time when we were younger, flashing our fake IDs, drinking, and then playing pool until we couldn’t see straight anymore.”

“Sounds great,” Julianne commented.

“It was,” Matt answered. He pulled the front door open for her, and Julianne stepped inside.

A wall of noise instantly hit her. All around the large room, people sat laughing and talking and drinking their worries away. Matt captured Julianne’s hand in his and pulled her over to the bar. He exchanged a few words with the bartender; Julianne continued to peer around the bar room, seeing the pool table set up in the very back of the room. As Julianne watched, a woman in a skirt too short for the sport bent over to line up her shot. The man sitting behind her nearly fell out of his chair as he leaned over to peer up the slab of denim obviously not covering everything it should.

“It’s a daily occurrence,” Matt muttered in Julianne’s ear, obviously referring to the woman with the skirt. “A woman always decides to wear a skirt and play pool at the same time. That guy is probably counting his lucky stars right now. I suggest that you always wear pants to this place.”

“Note taken,” Julianne answered. Matt led the way to the end of the bar and headed down a short hallway. He stopped at a doorway, resting his hand on the doorknob. “Where are we going?”

“I rented a private room,” Matt said. “We’ll be able to hear ourselves think in here.”

“This is hardly necessary,” Julianne retorted.

“Oh, I think it is,” Matt disagreed. He pushed the door open to reveal a dark room. Julianne took one step into the room as Matt reached around the door frame and flicked the light on.

“SURPRISE!” Out of nowhere, Matt’s friends—Julianne decided she might as well call them her friends as well—leaped out of nowhere, screaming at the top of their lungs. Julianne screamed in shock and jumped back, colliding with Matt’s unyielding chest.

“Whoa, there, killer,” Matt said, laughter in his voice, as he curled his hands around Julianne’s arms just a few inches below her shoulders, steadying her.

“What are you guys doing here?” Julianne demanded, a hand flying to her chest to feel her heart beating rapidly against her chest. Matt steered her into the room and released her arms before closing the door.

“It’s a party!” Val answered happily, standing beside a table holding a large rectangular birthday cake and several varieties of alcohol beverages.

“A surprise party!” Zacky added.

“For you!” Jimmy concluded. “See, we even got you a customized birthday cake!” He pointed at the cake. Julianne stepped forward to see that the outline of a car and a wrench had been drawn on top of the cake with icing. She smiled, turning to look at all of her new friends. She knew she could easily be friends with them—they knew nothing of her past and didn’t bring up bad memories for her.

“This is so nice, you guys,” she said, her smile widening as everyone grinned upon knowing that she was happy about their party instead of angry. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem, doll,” Michelle answered. She stepped forward and handed Julianne a knife. “Care to—”

“Good God, did you have that knife with you in the dark!?” Jimmy interrupted loudly, looking alarmed upon seeing the knife.

“Yeah,” Michelle answered, sending Jimmy an odd look.

“Oh, God,” he groaned, making a show of searching, obviously, for stab wounds. “Everyone should check themselves, too. She might’ve gotten you without your realization. How could you, Brian!?”

“Me!” Brian exclaimed. “Why are you pinning this on me?”

“You let your psycho girlfriend have a knife in the dark!” Jimmy retorted. “I don’t care if it turns you on! It endangers all of us, you sick bastard!”

“Ignore him,” Leana said quickly, swiping the back of Jimmy’s head. “Continue, please, Michelle.”

“Care to cut the cake?” Michelle asked. Julianne grinned and nodded, turning towards the cake to begin cutting out chunks.

{*****}

“So, did you have a good time?” Matt asked Julianne as they stood on her doorstep saying their farewells.

“It’s difficult to not have a good time with your friends,” Julianne answered with a little laugh. “I haven’t laughed and smiled so much in months. My cheeks hurt.”

“You get used to it,” Matt said with an understanding smile. “Welcome to the gang, Julianne.”

“Thanks,” Julianne said. “It’s nice having friends again, after so long. Ever since Kelly died...well, I just haven’t spoken much with old friends. And your friends just accepted me without questions. It was easy to just fit in and have fun.”

“Look at them,” Matt replied. “They’re so weird, having someone somewhat normal come around is an opportunity they know they can’t pass up.”

“We’re all weird in our ways,” Julianne said.

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“You bet,” Julianne replied. They exchanged a quick hug and final farewells before Julianne stepped into her dark house and Matt headed out to his dark car.

“I’m glad to see you out of the house for once,” Kelly’s voice whispered the instant Julianne closed the door behind her. Julianne smiled just a little bit, twisting her head to look out of the window set into the front door to watch Matt back out of the driveway.

“Me too, Kelly,” Julianne answered.