Guilt

Julianne lay out on a lounge chair in her backyard, half-enjoying, half-dreading the long afternoon of relaxation before her. Poe once again refused to let her work that Saturday, leaving Julianne with absolutely nothing to do. She half hoped Matt would come by and bother her like he was wont to do lately. Coincidentally, the moment she wished this, Matt’s beaming face appeared suddenly in her vision spectrum, replacing the clear blue sky. She jerked in shock, frowning at Matt for scaring her like that.

“Matthew, don’t scare me like that!” Julianne scolded. “And you look so creepy from this angle.”

“Guess what I’ve got!” Matt exclaimed. Julianne frowned deeper, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“I’m going to have to say...a banana and a condom,” she answered in typical sarcastic banter common with Julianne.

“Come to think of it, I do have a condom in my wallet, but that’s not what I’ve got that I’m so excited about,” Matt said hastily. He straightened up, his face disappearing out of Julianne’s view. She sat up and looked at him as he perched himself beside her legs on the lounge chair. Out of his back pocket he pulled out two slips of paper and held them up.

“Tickets?” Julianne guessed.

“Tickets to what!?” Matt practically sang. Julianne frowned even deeper.

“Judging by your excitement...a live pornography film,” Julianne said. Matt’s grin faltered before lighting up again.

“Very funny, Julianne,” he answered sarcastically. “It’s a concert, if that helps.”

“Oh, sorry, live pornography concert,” Julianne corrected herself. “I’m sorry that I can’t get my terminology right.”

“It starts with an M...”

“Matt Fucks Giraffes?”

“Okay, now you’re just being a bitch,” Matt snapped. Julianne smirked, lying back down on her lounge chair. “Okay, the next word starts with a C...”

“Whoa, whoa, hold up there, killer,” Julianne said, slowly sitting up again. “Are you trying to tell me that you have My Chemical Romance concert tickets? Because if you do, I just might kiss you.”

“Well, pucker up, sweetheart,” Matt answered, happy again as he flipped the tickets around to reveal the printed side. Julianne screamed and yanked the tickets out of Matt’s hands, staring at them in wonder.

Matt and Julianne had practically the same exact taste in music, and both of them absolutely adored My Chemical Romance. So upon hearing that Matt had MCR concert tickets, Julianne was pretty much so excited, her brain was about to explode from the excitement. She hadn’t been excited about anything for so long, it felt odd in her brain to feel excitement, but in a totally good way.

“Oh my God, Matt, you fucking rock!” Julianne exclaimed, throwing her arms excitedly around Matt’s neck.

“I try,” Matt answered modestly. “Now, go get ready. We leave in an hour.”

“That’s barely enough time to regulate my heart rate!” Julianne protested, but wasted no time in standing up and sprinting into her house.

{*****}

“That...was...amazing,” Julianne sighed as she sat in the passenger seat of Matt’s car that night after the concert in Long Beach. They currently sat in Matt’s dark car waiting for other concert-goers to leave so there would be less traffic. People were still streaming out of the concert hall, excitedly going over every detail of the concert over and over again. Julianne knew she wouldn’t think about much else for a long while.

“I’m glad you had a great time,” Matt answered, switching his gaze from the windshield to Julianne. Julianne looked around at him and smiled. Matt had never seen her smile as much as she had that night of the concert.

“Thank you for bringing me,” Julianne said, reaching over to pat Matt’s knee. He rested his large hand over her smaller one, trapping her hand on his knee. Surprisingly, she didn’t wrench her hand out from under his. She continued to smile at him, unsure of exactly why she wasn’t pulling her hand away from his.

There must’ve been something in the air that night. Something about that moment influenced Julianne’s next action. She never could pinpoint the exact cause or reason for her action. Eventually, she’d just blame it on the adrenaline left over from the concert coursing through her veins. She also blamed it on the fact that she was far from home—far from Kelly—and the interior of the car was dark. She could barely make out Matt’s face, but for the oddest reason, she could see his lips clear as day.

Julianne lifted her other hand, raising Matt’s chin gently with her fingertips as she simultaneously leaned towards him. Their lips clashed together, and for one moment, Julianne forgot it all.

Matt kissed eagerly back, and something about that brought reality crashing back down on Julianne’s head much too soon. She dragged her lips away from Matt’s, retreating all her body parts back to her side of the car. Even in the darkness, Julianne saw Matt’s remnants of shock replaced slowly by hurt and then once again to calm.

“I’m sorry,” Julianne gasped, feeling the guilt coil in her stomach like wisps of smoke solidifying into solid iron. “I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay,” Matt said jerkily, his voice not quite steady. “I guess it’s time I got you back home.” He started his car and pulled out of the concert hall parking lot.

Neither Julianne nor Matt spoke one word to each other during the entire ride back home. They didn’t even speak of farewells to each other as Matt dropped Julianne off at her place. Julianne stepped into her house and locked the front door behind her. She didn’t even bother to turn the light on. She just buried her face in her hands, feeling the guilt knotting in her stomach and dragging her towards the floor.