I'm at Home in the Clouds

My heart beats and my hands are clammy as I ignore the whisperings inside, straining to find a reaction in him. I told him, I told him, I told him everything... what do I do now? Leave? My breath is becoming labored and I'm having a hard time breathing and blinking, trying to hold out just long enough.

"Schi...." he trails off, slowly shaking his head. "It's a joke," he says flatly, looking a little hurt. "You shouldn't joke around things like that, Kay-"

"I'm serious," I choke out, shaking my head furiously. "It's why I'm in the hospital so much. I- I have hallucinations, I hear v-voices, I never go outside... I rarely go anywhere. I really do have schizophrenia," I tell him. "Please... say something."

Distressed, he shakes his head, pacing in front of me. "How long?"

"T-twelve years." I take an involuntary step back, seeing something from the corner of my eye. I don't know what it was, but I saw something. I lick my lips nervously- the urge to leave to somewhere safe is growing stronger by the second. But I need to stay, just a minute, just to see what he says.

He scoffs. "And you couldn't tell me?"

Finally, Chris meets my gaze in disbelief. He searches my eyes and then shakes his head again. I suddenly feel like I'm speaking to a stranger, and we can't properly communicate. Not anymore. I can't... I can't trust him. "How dare you do this to me," he breathes, staring at the ground. "Did you really think... things could go on like this?"

"Well, yes," my voice falters. "But you have to understand! I'm trying to get better, I swear, and- and you make it better, you make me calm, and- and your music..." I trail off as he suddenly picks up his jacket he'd dropped.

"I have to go," he says roughly and steps widely around me, leaving me.

I can't trust him. He's gone. I'm gasping for breath, falling onto my knees. I feel the urge to spit everything out, but it's not strong enough to actually work. My hands are shaking and I can't find the strength to stand once again as thoughts cross through my mind like a windstorm. I try to tell myself it's just the paranoia, but it's too strong.

He left you, you fool. Because you told him. He's right.

Right about what?

He knows everything now. He'll tell everyone. They'll kill you for it.

No... no, that- it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't matter, Kaylie. You're a goner.

"No!" I slam my fists in the ground and stand clumsily, hurrying up. I nearly fall over but catch myself in time, gulping in a deep breath as my eyes wildly gaze around. I stagger at first, as if I'm walking for the first time. My vision is blurry and I continually see shadows everywhere I go- left, right, behind me- I can't take this.

Gasping for breath, I suddenly start running, having to get away to safety. Anywhere is better than here. I need to find a place to protect me, to hide and be in secret forever. Nothing else matters suddenly- no more Chris. He's gone, he hates me. Tears spill my eyes though, realizing he really is gone. So I keep running, hoping it'll make things better.

I run right into traffic.