Sunlight

I just got back from the mall with a brand new pair of shoes. When I entered the tour bus, I heard faint giggles- other than that, everything was quiet. I set the shoe box on the kitchen table gently to avoid making a racket. I tip toed to where the sound was coming from which was from the main room. The door was slightly ajar, and I couldn't help but take a peek.

It was Tom and Eli. They looked so happy together – they weren't doing anything malicious or anything. They were just sitting there on the bed, both feet crossed, beside one another and leaning on the wall. I think Tom was telling Eli some random story which was making Eli giggle like a child who just got tons of presents on Christmas.

The two, made me remember how I and Oli use to be. When no one was around, we'd be this way and sometimes, when we were too lazy, we'd just lie on the bed beside each other and he'd hum me to sleep. But of course, that was before.

I knocked on the door slightly, so that I wouldn't seem rude by just walking in. I pushed the door slightly and popped my head in, “Am I disturbing you guys?”

Eli beamed at me. “No, not at all Izzy.”

“Yeah, we were just talking.” said Tom, but I knew Tom too well. The way he looked at me pleadingly only meant, “Could you please make it fast Izz? I didn't just get my charm on so you'd interrupt me from using it on her.”

I chuckled a tad. “I just wanted to ask where everybody is.” I said.

“I don't know,” said Eli honestly, “Oli and Curtis were just here an hour ago, I think. Tom?” she turned to face him.

He cleared his throat, “Err, I think Oli and the others went to a party in the Tonight Alive tour bus.” he informed me.

I smiled and nodded, “Thanks for the info guys. Now, I'm going to leave the two of you and you guys can get back to your “talking”.” I said as I made quotation marks in the air with my fingers as I said the word 'talking'.

I closed the door behind me gently and walked through the narrow hall full of bed bunks, leading to the small kitchen and also the living room packed in one room. I kicked off my shoes and laid down on the couch, there was already a blanket there from last night, so I crawled under that and for the first time in a long time, I got to cry.

For the past three months I've been hiding my feelings of dread, doubt and the fact that my relationship with Oli is falling apart. All he ever does is party, we're always on each other’s throats and I've notice that he likes spending more time with his new friend; Sarah Jane. Oh, I hate that name. He says they're nothing but best friends but I don't know, I just have this feeling that their “friendship” is evolving to something more. But I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid or whatever. I don't care if this is just paranoia, I need a release from all this.

And now, I finally have this bus all to my own, except for Tom and Eli but they're both in their “love” trance so I don't think they'd notice if I soak this blanket with my tears. Finally a release from all the pain I've been feeling.

I cried or more like sobbed or whatever, until I fell asleep.

&&

I got awakened by people talking and laughing. I sat up, half asleep, my eyes probably looked bloodshot, my hair a total mess.

“Oh hello, Izz,” said Curtis as he took notice of me, “Had a nice nap? It's a waste though, you weren't at the party, it was so bloody wild. You should have been there!” he said.

Matt howled and then said, “Damn right! It has to be the best freaking party I've been to, and God, the girls, the booze, the music and all our friends. Holy shit, it was bloody freaking epic!”

I couldn't understand a thing though because their words came out like a blur of words.

I smiled softly at them. It was obvious that they were pissed. Alex; Curtis' girlfriend was laughing when she dropped on her knees in front of me.

“Alex?” I asked, my voice groggy, “Where's Oli?”

She stopped laughing and then thought for a moment, “I think he's still at the party, love, together with SJ.” she explained. I was guessing she wasn't completely drunk since she got to give me a sane answer.

“Oh OK.” I said my voice barely audible.

Alex must have noticed my eyes because after the guys hurried and tipsily walked to their bunks, Lee and Curtis not even bothering to climb in theirs and just decided to sleep on the floor – Alex cupped my face and frowned.

“Have you been crying, love?” she asked me.

The thing I hate about Alex is that I could never lie to her, and even when I tried she knew right away that I was lying. She reads me like an open book, but knowing me for almost four years now, wouldn't make it such a surprise.

I looked away, avoiding her eyes and shook my head. I did not dare open my mouth, for I and she knew that I stuttered whenever I lied – it's my biggest give away.

She sighed and turned my face to look at her. “Isabella Leigh Jones, you look me straight in the eye and tell me if you have been crying.” she told me firmly.

I looked down my watch first before letting out an exhausted sigh; it was half pass four in the morning. I ran my right hand through the tangles of my hair, making them loose and again let out a sigh. “Yes, Alex. I have been crying.”

She frowned once more and slumped beside me on the couch, “I was hoping you'd successfully lie yourself out this one. I don't really like knowing that you've been crying Izz, know why?” she faced me sidewards.

I shook my head, “Why?”

“Because I think I know what you're crying about and I don't want to accept the things I have been noticing these couple of months.” she told me.

See? I'm not paranoid. My best friend noticed it too. “Oh, so you've notice too?” I told her, more like a statement that we are talking of the same, rather than a question. “I think we're going to be over soon.” I told her.

She looked at me again, “Do you want it to be over?”

I shook my head, “No, I don't. But I know Oli too well. He's not going to try to work this out and the fact that he's been hanging more with SJ and been giving me the silent treatment for the past three days means that he's done with me.” I told her.

“Don't think that way Izz. Oli's not that cold-hearted, I think he thinks you guys have some issues to work out and he's just wanting some time away from you to think how he can fix all this.”

I leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed, “I hope you're right Lex, I sure hope you are.”