In Fate's Hands

He’s so full of shit.

I fucking hate his guts.

Everything about him makes me want to hurt him.

I know none of that is true.

No matter how horribly he hurt me, no matter how much of a whore he is, my heart was still devoted to him. I couldn’t just end it with him. I don’t know what I would do with myself.

I sound so pathetic. It’s only been two fucking days, how can I be so attached to someone? Unless it’s been going on longer than that, I just never realized it. He’s always been such a dick to me, but maybe that was his way of showing affection at the time, like he was taking the middle school approach and acting like an ass to get what he wanted.

I sighed and wanted to scream. Why do I have to care so much.

I heard footsteps coming up fast behind me. I figure it’s Ethan, and decide not to run away from him, seeing no point. Sooner or later I’d be back to him, apologizing, even though I have nothing to apologize for.

I felt his hand grab my shoulder and turn me around, attempting to pull me into a hug.

Automatically, I started retaliating, banging my fists against his chest, fresh tears gushing out of my eyes. “NO! Get the fuck away from me, you stupid! Fucking…!” I yelled, feeling all of my strength being drained from me, feeling defeated. Ethan’s arms were so warm and comforting. I cried into his chest while his arms wrapped tightly around me. “Why…”

“Riley. Listen to me. This was Keegan and Kaedyn’s plan all along! They wanted to split us up!” Ethan exclaimed, sounding like he found the cure for cancer. He grabbed my face with his hands, looking into my eyes.

“Why would they-” I started, confused.

“They’re jealous of us, of what we have, of what they could never have. They’re jealous because I could change for the better and actually have a relationship, and they can’t. They don’t want to see you happy, see me happy. They want everyone around them to suffer like they do.” He explained.

I didn’t say anything, just continued to look into his seas of blue, so mesmerizing and beautiful.

He hugged me tightly again, putting his face into my neck. I resisted putting my arms around him. Half of me wanted to tell him to fuck off and never speak to me again, but the other half wanted to cuddle with him and tell him that it’d be okay, that it was just one time. That I trust him that it will never happen again.

I trusted him last time, thought he’d keep his promise, and he broke it.

“Riley, I love you, so fucking much. I would never do anything to hurt you, this bad or at all. Ever since we’ve been together, I can’t imagine myself living happily without you. I need you with me.” He said. I heard the tears in his voice as he spoke into my neck.

I, again, resisted from hugging him tightly to me, telling him that I forgave him, that I loved him that much and more. “How can I possibly trust anything you’re saying when you said the same exact things before, and now look what happened.” I said with an unintentional harshness in my tone.

“I told you, Riley-”

“I know, I know, it’s the twins’ fault, I get that. But did you really not have any control over yourself, any sense of pride or decency, that you just had to go along with it? You could’ve stood up for yourself, brought yourself above them, and just said no.” I said, beginning to feel the waterworks start up again. I didn’t want to believe what I said, but it was true. Ethan wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. I was on the verge of giving in. “But instead you brought yourself lower than them, letting them use you as a toy in some evil scheme to break us apart. Un-fucking-believable.” I spat out.

He dropped his hands, stepping away from me, looking completely defeated. Was he just giving up?

He leaned against the poll behind us, his eyes never leaving the ground. “I fucked up so bad.” I barely heard him say.

My bitchy, pissed, tough composure broke into pieces as I saw him beating himself up like this. I couldn’t stand seeing him so depressed, even if he brought it upon himself. I smiled a little to myself as I thought about the first night we were together and stepped beside Ethan, leaning against him, realizing that he was shaking from the cold.

He looked at me with bloodshot eyes and I asked, “You wanna sit down? Warm up a little?”

He flashed me his adorably shy smile, and nodded.

I leaned away from him and started walking, Ethan right next to me. I wanted to cuddle into his side, but kept my distance. I still wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to completely forgive him or not.

When we got to Ian’s house, Ethan started slightly freaking out.

“Oh no. We’re not going in there.” He said, shaking his head.

“No, we’re not.” I said, sitting down on his step. I patted the spot next to me, smiling a little bit.

He sat, looking nervous. He didn’t seem to be making the first move, so I made it, throwing my arm around him, pulling him into me. He automatically scooted closer.

I looked at the sky, wishing the stars and the moon were out instead of these nasty clouds.

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?” I heard Ethan ask, seeing through my peripheral vision that he was looking up at the dull sky as well.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I forgive him or not. I want to, but I don’t want to be hurt again. I’d be hurting more if I wasn’t with him at all, but it would hurt twice as much if he cheated on me again.

“I’ll understand if you say no, I’m kind of expecting you t-”

I cut him off with my lips. When I pulled away, he had a desperate look in his eyes, knowing that this was the moment. The moment that I decide whether to love him or leave him.

I snickered in my mind, deciding to play with his mind. “Ethan, I don’t think I’ll forgive you, just yet.”

He placed his hands on my thighs and his forehead on my shoulder. “Please Riley. What can I do to make it up to you? What can I do to prove to you that you mean everything and more-”

I cut him off again with another kiss, find it slightly amusing.

“You know, you should really let me finish my sentences. It’d get the point across a little better.” Ethan said, trying so hard not to crack a smile.

“Did you ever think that I cut you off because your point was already made? That you didn’t need to go any further?” I asked him, looking at him through my hair.

“I thought you weren’t forgiving me?” He asked, shocked and confused and slightly overjoyed.
I smiled, looking at the ground. “Ethan, how could I not forgive you after you ran in the freezing cold to find me, and then give it all you have just to get me back, and then some. I can tell just by looking at you that you feel like a piece of shit for doing that, and you’re beating yourself up over it.” I laughed a little before I said, “You guys didn’t actually fuck, either, you were just naked, slobbering all over each other’s tonsils.” Which is totally nasty.

“So you really forgive me? For everything? Or are you just saying that.” He asked, looking at me in all seriousness.

I kept the smile on my face and laced my fingers with his, squeezing his hand tightly. I don’t give a fuck about what’s best for me. Right now, Ethan’s the best thing for me, whether he cheated on me once or not. “You’re definitely not going-”

This time, I was cut off my Ethan’s lips, those amazing, wonderful lips.

It was over too soon, though, when Ethan pulled away and looked at the sky, seeing that it was about to snow.

I felt my cheeks get warm in excitement as I pulled Ethan off the step and onto the
sidewalk, the snow falling and landing lightly on us, creating a light dusting on the
ground. I’ve always wanted to kiss in the snow. I know, most people want their perfect kiss in the rain, but the snow always seemed prettier and more magical. I put my arms around Ethan’s neck while his hands stayed on my hips.

“What is this for?” Ethan asked, looking longingly into my eyes, slightly confused as well.

I smiled a sideways smile at him, feeling my cheeks getting warm again, though you wouldn’t be able to notice since my cheeks are already red from the cold. “I’ve always wanted to kiss in the snow.”

Ethan pressed his lips to mine in the most gentle, sweet, caring way he’s ever done, making this moment even more memorable. Sharing my dream kiss with what I thought to be the love of my life.

I pulled away from his lips slowly, feeling that he didn’t want it to end then. “I thought of something you could do for me.”

“Anything.” He said quietly, running his fingers through my hair.

“Stop smoking.” I said, slightly nervous as to what his answer is going to be.

He looked away from me, sighing. “I know I should, but in all honesty, I doubt I’d be able to do it. I’ve tried a few times, and each time failed.”
“Please? For me?” I begged, tempted to bring out the pouty face.

He looked back at me and smiled a little, kissing me again. “I’ll try.”

I hugged him tightly. “And one more thing.”

“Yes?” He asked.

“Never, under any circumstances, go into Keegan and Kaedyn’s room alone. And don’t hang around Chase anymore. Those three are just a bunch of desperate assholes that need to learn that whipping it out any chance they get isn’t the best thing to do.”

Ethan laughed, putting his forehead to mine. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good.” I said, smiling.

Just as our lips were about to meet again, we heard a door open.

“Ethan? Riley? What the hell are you doing out here?” I heard Nick’s voice ask from Ian’s house.

We both looked up towards the door, seeing Ian and Nick standing there. I smirked, knowing what they were doing just by the sex hair going on between the both of them.

“Well don’t just stand there! Get in here, you’re going to freeze to death!” Ian yelled at us, coming out to push us into his house.

We sat on the floor, heating up by the space heater in the corner of the room.

“Geez, you guys are acting like you just came back from Antarctica. Come, sit, sit, sit. I have apple cider to warm you guys up, cinnamon sticks and all.” Ian said, ushering us to the couch, handing us each our own steamy mug of hot apple cider. The instant the cider hit my tongue, I was in heaven. It was so good.

“So I’m going to ask again. What are you guys doing here?” Nick asked, Ian cuddling into him the moment he sat down.

Ethan gave me an apprehensive look, not really wanting to tell Ian and Nick about what happened, Nick especially. Nick would beat the shit out of him, regardless of if we were together or not.

“No particular reason.” I lied, automatically feeling horrible. I never lied to them, ever.

“Bull.” Ian said, looking at us with a slightly concerned look on his face.

“Keegan and Kaedyn, plan, succeeded.” Ethan said in a monotonous, disappointed voice.

They both looked incredibly shocked.

“Feel free to bitch me out all you want.”

Instead of them yelling at him to death, they got off the couch and hugged him, comforting him.

“Are you okay? How far did it go?” Ian asked, petting his hair. Ethan looked a little overwhelmed, flinching away and making a slightly disgusted face every time Ian’s hand met Ethan’s hair.

“Almost…all the way.” He said.

“But not all the way?” Nick asked.

“Not all the way. We would’ve if Riley wouldn’t have walked in.” He said, giving me another apologetic glance. “Their plan worked fucking beautifully, until Riley and I talked it over.” His apologetic look turned into a warm smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“So you two are good again?” Nick asked, looking between Ethan and I.

I leaned over to Nick and whispered excitedly in his ear, “We kissed in the snow!” He knows that it’s been one of my life goals.

He gasped, beaming, hugging me.

We let go of each other, and I slid against Ethan, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head as my hands were almost unthawed. I took another sip of the apple cider, letting its contents warm me.

“Riley.” I heard Ethan whisper in my ear.

I looked up at him.

“I forgot to tell you something.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked, turning to face him.

He got close to my face, but not close enough for our lips to touch. He placed his hand on my cheek, staring intently into my eyes with determination and compassion. “I love you. I’m never gonna leave you. I’m yours, you’re mine. No matter how fucked up I am and how perfect you are, we were meant for each other, no matter what anyone says.”