Finding Sloane Winters Crazy

www.swintersjourneyhome.blogspot.com
My Journey Home
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I have a book. My mother gave it to me, it was a bit tattered, and it had her maiden name on it, Janine Mallory. I remember, she handed it to me, and had that reluctant look on her face while she placed it very carefully into my hands, my nine year old hands, and said, 'I want you to have this Sloane, it's a very special book to me, and I hope, when you're older, that you'll understand it, and it will help you see things better, help you find love.'

I had skimmed through the page, and had decided it was boring, I didn't understand it, it didn't have pretty pictures, what was the use of reading it?

I find it four years later, when I was thirteen, wedged between the wall and my desk, while I was tearing everything in my room apart, having just been to my dead mother's funeral. I opened the first page again, saw her name, and cried. And while I cried, I read it.

I knew how to read it, still didn't understand. So I placed it on my messy desk carefully, and I read it constantly, trying to make sense of it, but always failing to understand.

But now I do.

As my hands were tangled in his soft black hair, his touch on my waist burning, his smell of axel, musk and grass, and arms like the comfort of shade--

I understood.

Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets- pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning. A flowered, buckled treasure chest of secrets. Shoes that make you taller and, therefore, closer to the heavens. A suit that belonged to your fairy godmother. A dress that makes you feel a little like the Goddess herself.

Sometimes you keep falling; you don't catch anything.

Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. Sometimes you don't.

Sometimes they catch you.

Teak Richardson keeps me on this earth.

He caught me.