Finding Sloane Winters Crazy

Sloane Erin Mallory Winters
Currently in therapy
... confused, as always.

"I met his mother."

I'm feeling fresh today, just gotten out of the shower, and put on my only casual dress because it's sunny out.

The sun, something fresh, instead of the gloomy grey skies. But there's still that chanting in my head.

Grey, grey, grey.

The colour of his eyes.

But I'm happy, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not angry when I think about him constantly-- because I'm happy thinking about him, happy being with him.

"And how was that for you?" asked Dr Olendzki, she's smiling now-- I think she likes seeing me happy.

"She has this aura around her," I begin, thinking about the bags under her eyes but still smiling when she stirred the spaghetti sauce and chatted to me. "She looks like she's holding the world on her shoulders, but it's like she doesn't... mind, at all."

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell she's got secrets too, she's hurting but she's bottling it all up inside of her, maybe she just doesn't want to upset him or his sister."

I avoid telling her their names, as much as I like telling her about him-- I still hate her. I hate what she does for a living, act all sympathetic and empathetic and giving you advice and these riddles you'll probably never understand. So I keep their names a secret, because it's like my own little secret. Something that the shrink doesn't know, and I feel good-- even though it's just one little thing-- that she won't know them.

"Okay then," she stops to scribble something on the leather notepad which had my name on it, "Tell me how you felt being around them."

I laughed, "It's funny, you're supposed to feel awkward around someone else's family," Translation; your boyfriend's/girlfriend's family, "But with them... I dunno, I just feel like I want to be there all the time."

"Like how you want to be with him all the time?"

The smile slips off my face. I said I'm happy with this now, but that comment made me sound like Bess, clingy and lovesick. "I never said that."

She notices the sudden tone of my voice, "Of course, Sloane." she's scribbling again, "And how is your relationship with him?"

"He won't say anything, sometimes he keeps to himself, sometimes he tells me about what's happening." My fists clench, "I want him to trust me."

"Maybe you have to trust him too."

I nod slowly, "Maybe I do."