Träumer

Emma was shaken awake what seemed like only five minutes later. Groaning, she sat up in the arm chair she'd been sleeping on and looked around. For a moment or two she couldn't remember where she was. Then she spotted Bill and she spotted the doctor and her heart started to pound of her chest.

"Oh God.. it is real," she whispered to herself, eyes glued on Bill still sleeping on the couch.

"Emma?" the doctor called her out of her thoughts.

She nodded and looked up at him.

"I'm having some patients come in in an hour. I'm not trying to rush you out of here, but for his sake, you've got to leave," the doctor explained.

Emma swallowed. There was a lump in her throat like what happens when you're about to cry. "So I just take him home and.."

"Teach him everything you want him to know. But I advise you, the less he knows about himself, the better. If you need anything else, or if he becomes hard to control, please call me."

"What if I can't control him?"

"I don't expect him to throw tantrums like a three year old, but he might have the mental capacity of a three year old," the doctor explained with a humorous air.

"Oh.." now she felt like she was about to hurl. Emma was doubting her ability to raise a full-grown adult.

"Wake him up, we'll have a car to take you back to your apartment in ten minutes," the doctor instructed.

Emma got up and proceeded to poke Bill until he stirred.

"And Emma?" the doctor declared. She turned to face him again. "Remember, only you and I know what happened to him. Can I trust you to keep this a secret?"

"How long until he's normal again?" she asked.

"He will never be normal, from what I know of rebirth. But you will know when the time is right to send him back to his family," he patted her on the shoulder and turned to leave.

"Bill?" Emma whispered and petted his mane of hair. "Wake up honey. We have to go home." She felt like a mother already.

His response was a pitiful grumble, nothing more.

Emma sighed and an assistant brought out Bill's old, shredded clothes in a bag.

"You can just throw these out," she explained.

"Dr. Benson said there was something in there you'd want to see," the assistant replied and left the room.

Emma peaked in the bag. "Nothing like a thousand dollar pair of jeans in shreds," she said to herself sarcastically.

As she went through the shreds, a folded up piece of paper caught her sight. She grabbed the paper, guessing it was what the doctor wanted her to see, put it in her pocket, and threw the rest of the bag in the trash.

-

The apartment was just as she had left it the day before.

It was only yesterday? she thought. It seems like years ago..

There was still her hair straightener on the dresser, glittery makeup staining her makeup stand and the carpet. There were open bottles of liquid foundation and liquid eyeliner. Her laptop was still playing songs on shuffle on iTunes.

Why had she been too lazy to put all that stuff away before she went to the EMA's the day before? She couldn't remember..

She helped Bill in his sleep walking state to her bed and let him rest on there while she collected her thoughts.

Emma went to her window and looked out over Berlin, the flashing lights, the busy street below. She was no longer apart of this city, there was no more playing for her in this semester abroad. She had to raise one of Germany's biggest and most recognizable stars and not get caught.

"I'm never going to leave this apartment again, am I?" she sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to soothe her headache.

She sat on one of her numerous beanbag chairs and zoned out on the city lights for a time. This was the most surreal thing she had every experience. She was beyond confused and anxious and worried.

And then she rememeber the paper she'd put in her pocket. Emma impatiently opened the note. It was in English, but the handwriting was terribly shaky and almost illegible. The ink was smeared in some places, but she could make out most of it.

If you have this note, it means I'm already dead.

A suicide note..

I'm done with it, done with everything. Fame is not all it's cut out to be. I would have been followed and guarded for the rest of my life and that's not what I want. I never wanted it to go this far. Sure, it's great having everyone know your name. But it's also terrible having to hear the comments made by people who don't even know me. No one has to mock me or threaten me or my family anymore.

Love hurts the most. If I ever loved someone, I could never ever create a normal life like I'd want them to have. They'd be in the spotlight and they could get harmed and I'd never forgive myself. So there, I'm saving everyone the trouble again. Tell Emma I'm saving her all the trouble, but tell her this wasn't her fault. I guess it's kind of shitty, I mean I kind of implied that we would get together tonight and instead I'm jumping.

Tom, I hope you're reading this right now. I really want you to be the first one to read this, the first one to see me. Tell mom I love her, okay?

-Bill

Tears pouring down her face, she placed the letter angrily down on her dresser and ran to the bathroom. All her frustrations bottled, she hurled.

"I can't do this," she sobbed to herself. "I can't keep him here when his family can take care of him. They would want him back. I'm sure they'd be so happy to see him alive.."

Emma kicked the wall angrily. But how was it possible? She just couldn't go to Magdeburg with him in the backseat where everyone would see him. And she couldn't show up at the front door with a supposedly dead person without a serious explanation. She wasn't supposed to tell anyone about the rebirth.

She pulled out her phone and went through her list of contacts. Tom Kaulitz.

It wouldn't be that hard. If she told Tom everything, he'd think of a way to explain to his parents that Bill was alive even though he died. Emma knew he was crafty, but would it be enough? Bill wanted Tom to be the first one there, the first one to know, the one to lessen the blow. But it hadn't worked out that way. It seemed like half of Berlin had seemed him dead before anyone else had.

Had Tom even seen Bill after he jumped?

It was beginning to look like it was the doctor's way or no way.

"Fuck," she whispered angrily and sat on her bathroom floor, hoping to wake up.

-

An hour later and Emma had gotten Bill into a nice warm bath. He was still half-asleep and unresponsive. Occasionally his eyes would flutter open, but they would close almost instantly.

It was odd, giving this boy who barely fit length wise in the tub a bath. Extremely odd. She knew she shouldn't have been thinking about her sexual feelings for this boy, but they were brought on as she scrubbed down his bloody body.

She washed the blood from his hair and from his side. She scrubbed the makeup off his face and smiled. He was still beautiful without makeup, adorable even.

"Makeup makes you manlier," Emma chuckled and continued to scrub him down.

She let Bill rest in the warm, bubbly bath for a few minutes and quickly got the note from her room. Sitting in front of the bath tub, she read the note aloud, glancing at Bill time and again.

Emma put the letter in her pocket and gently stroked his warm cheek. "I'll take care of you, Bill," she said sweetly, motherly. "I promise you I will."

Bill let out a groan and his eyes fluttered open and closed.

"They can't find you if they don't know where to look."