Träumer

Bill laid in bed, wrapped up in the covers next to Emma. He was sucking his thumb and staring blankly out the window. Emma was reading Heidi, in German, to him - it was the only German children's book she could find.

She wasn't sure if he heard her, or if he could he wasn't even listening, but she didn't care. Reading to him was almost soothing, for the both of them.

When she finished with the book she crawled under the covers next to him. Bill reached for the book and began to look at it himself, silently.

Emma gently petted his hair. "This is so crazy," she said quietly to herself. She still couldn't believe all of this had happened and how drastically her life had changed in a matter of a few days.

Bill had been with her for a couple days now and it was still hard adjusting to her new responsibility. She still had to work in order to live in her downtown apartment - thankfully Bill slept most of the time and she only had to work a few hours a few times a week. She still had classes, though they were winding down with the impending summer. The hope of going back to the states in the summer to at least visit her family was no longer possible now.

And oftentimes her friends, some other studying abroad and some she'd met in Germany, wanted to hang out with her. Obviously with taking care of Bill, a social life was not possible. All Bill had was Emma and now all Emma had was Bill.

"It's not so bad taking care of you," Emma whispered, still petting Bill's hair.

But there also was the fact that she had to feed him, literally feed him, when he should have been a capable adult. It wasn't so bad when she thought of all he'd been through and how this 'rebirth' was like a new beginning. He was merely a child in an adult's body, not as if he hadn't acted as such before.

Bill had said a few words, but no clear sentences capable of conversation. They were words like 'food' or 'bathroom' - thankfully he could go to the bathroom on his own and didn't wet the bed, but Emma did have to watch over him while he went.. And all the time the words were in German, which made Emma believe that the slate really was wiped clean with what had happened. He lost his English in the 'rebirth.'

Emma stared out the window, into the colorful night before her. There were lights from cars, neon lights from clubs and restaurants she had so recently been able to hang out in. There were a variety of sounds - car horns, music, screams, drunken yells.

It was times like these, when everything was quiet - save for the city outside - that Emma understood why Bill had done what he did. And then she felt the overwhelming responsibility of what she must do. In truth, she didn't know what to really do with Bill. There was still the uncertainty as to him being a star again, appearing out of no where after the country was in shock over his suicide. She feared she would make the wrong decisions and he would end up jumping yet again, and maybe then he would actually die. All of this seemed to be in her hands.

Emma let out a sigh. Bill had tossed the book aside and his eyes were fluttering closed. She smiled and kissed him goodnight. She quietly sang a lullaby until he was completely asleep.

It was still only nine o'clock, and Emma wasn't tired. The music down below was so, so tempting. She just wasnted to go out and party, have a few drinks, flirt with everyone and not have a care. But obviously that wasn't possible. She never left the apartment save for class and her job.

She was a mom now.

But Bill was already sleeping soundly and she could get ready and leave pretty fast. There was a nice club only down the street and she didn't have to have more than a few drinks. And when would be the last time she could have fun?

The thought of going out was now way too tempting..

-

Bill's name was on everyone's lips.

Even American college kids, here just for the semester, and Germans in their twenties were affected by the superstar's suicide. And before this Emma had thought all of Tokio Hotel's fans were teenage girls.

Obviously not so.

Tokio Hotel was one of the most successful bands Germany had ever produced and Bill Kaulitz was an icon. Sure, you could hate Tokio Hotel and still love Bill Kaulitz. It was hard not to.

Emma was only out at the club for an hour before she had had enough. Everything they played with remixed Tokio Hotel this, acoustic Tokio Hotel that. People were getting shit-faced just to forget what had happened to Germany's biggest star and Emma found it hard to not indulge in the alcohol.

Everyone seemed to be wearing something Tokio Hotel-related. Girls were crying in the corner, not able to contain themselves after a few drinks. It was chaos to say the least.

There were also rumors. Emma was an expert at eavesdropping and found the rumors to be quite valuable. Many people believed he was pushed - Bill had always been happy, why had he had the need to end his life? Others believed that one of the band-mates had pushed him, which was a horrible thing to think. Thankfully, Emma heard nothing about a rumor of him still being alive.

A picture of him dead on the sidewalk had apparently been circulating about the whole country, causing even more insanity. Supposedly teens who were so obsessed with the band ended their own lives after seeing the dreadful picture. Emma hoped that this wasn't true - no one could really be that obsessed. She didn't know the half of it.

People also talked about a supposed funeral. It was going to be huge, with all his biggest fans and people playing tribute to him and a depressing performance of 'Rette Mich,' a last performance by the band, with no vocals. Emma thought that was positively dreadful that the band would even do that without him. It almost made her want to call Tom right then and there and tell him that Bill was okay. If she'd had a few more drinks in her system, she'd have gotten up right then and there and told them it was all a joke and that Bill was alive and sleeping in her apartment. But she knew that would cause even more chaos that wasn't needed, for the fans and for Bill.

She also believed, with the way his family was, that they'd have a very small funeral with just family and his bandmates. A very personal last goodbye. Emma once again felt horrible for keeping this from his own family, but she also knew that in the end, it was for the best. There was also the problem of them not having a body, but then the authorities could make up the best lies when needed.

Eventually, after four drinks, Emma decided it would be best to go back to the apartment. She couldn't stand to hear another person talk about Bill without feeling guilty.