Hate Me

I breathed in an unfamiliar scent and unfamiliar cloth against my face. I knew at once who it was. I was still pressed against Ryan from last night. One of his arms was draped around me loosely. I was about to wake him up until I heard voices.

That’s when I looked up at Ryan, as discreetly as I could. The hand that was closest to his face went to put a finger against his lips, telling me to be quiet.

“It’s not that I don’t think him having a new friend is bad but look at them,” I heard Evan say. I was sure that they were standing just outside my open bedroom door.

“I think it’s cute,” May said. “Besides, he really deserves to be happy.”

“It’s not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just… when did he become close to someone that we didn’t even know about? Do you think that the Sloan thing made him-”

“No, I don’t think so….”

So they thought that I was gay because of what Sloan did to me? I cringed, thinking about it. Then something I never expected happened, Ryan’s grip on me tightened and he gave me this look like he was saying sorry with his eyes. Though, I could just as easily be wrong.

“Come on, I’ll take us to McDonalds to get some breakfast,” Dad said. As soon as their footsteps completely faded and I heard the front door close, I sat up.

We were both quiet for a few minutes until Ryan said, “Your parents really care about you.”

“Yeah, they’re… I’m really grateful to them.” His face lit up at sudden realization when I said that. I couldn’t think what about, though.

“Oh, yeah, you were adopted, weren’t you? It’s kind of hard to tell, I think,” he said, sitting up and pulling his legs over the side of the bed.

“It’s okay, sometimes I forget too,” I told him, before stretching.

“Is it weird being adopted?” He asked. I turned to face him and I must have given him some weird face because he said, “Uh, I mean, if I’m not asking too much about your life…” He bit his lip.

“Well, I lived in foster care since I was two years old, so living with other people that have no blood relation to me just kind of became the norm,” I explained, getting up to go find a clean shirt and jeans to put on.

“Did any of them… treat you bad?” He questioned, warily, as if he were afraid of the answer.

“Well… From the time I was six to when I was twelve are the years I really remember being in foster care. No one treated me particularly harshly. Though, I think the worst was when I lived with this woman and her husband who had all these animals and there were pretty bad living conditions. Though, I’m sure it could’ve been worse. I could’ve been abused and starved.”

“Yeah. Sorry, I don’t know much about the foster care system,” he confessed as he attempted to straightened out his wrinkled jeans.

“I’m just thankful to have gotten adopted,” I said. “You see, many new parents want newborns or toddlers. I never played well with others. I wasn’t temperamental, I just inadvertently separated myself from the other children. That’s why May and Evan adopted me. Because they really felt that I needed a home.”

Reluctantly, he asked, “And… Sloan…?”

“He had been a problem child, much like he was before he died. May and Evan thought they could help him by giving him a stable home. And as good of parents as they are, they couldn’t help him much.”

“Sometimes people like him aren’t ‘reversible’ if you know what I mean,” he said. I think I understood. I believe he meant that Sloan was backwards, which he was, and that he’d never be right in the head again.

“Sloan was… he was messed up… but… I think even I would’ve believed May and Evan would’ve been able to help him. If he let them.”

“Yeah… I like your parents. Well, your mom seems nice anyways. I haven’t much talked to your dad,” he told me as he opened the door to the hallway and peeked out.

“Hey…” I called out, suddenly nervous about what I was going to ask. Why should I be nervous? It’s his fault he was holding me while we slept. “Why… did you cuddle me while we slept? Did you now know it was me?”

Instantly, his face went red. Was he embarrassed that it was me he had held so gently? Perhaps he thought I was a girl in his half-asleep state of mind. I don’t know why but that kind of… made me mad. It’s irrational, I know, but I couldn’t help it. What if I was… hoping for something to come out of it. That’s what it seems like, anyways. But that can’t be… I mean, I don’t know everything about him, but I’m pretty sure I could call us friends now. “Uh… I… I’m a cuddler in my sleep… I suppose I should’ve told you… Or not slept in your bed with you. I mean, I guess I should’ve realized it when I cuddled my body pillow every night… I didn’t think I’d cuddle people… I didn’t think it’d be a problem.”

“Well, I think my parents believe that… we’re… ‘together’,” I chuckled. I was fairly happy that it wasn’t because he thought I was a girl but also kind of sad because… because… I’m stupid I suppose… Because I… want something to happen between us…? No! No, no, no… That can’t be… can it?

I used to be really weary of accepting his help before, right after the thing with Sloan happened, but now I realize he was serious about wanting to be my friend. And it makes me happy to find someone with the same interests as me such as video games, for instance. I love Kale and Amy but… Kale loves his stars and Amy loves her music. I mean, I like stars and they give me something to do, but I like the mythology behind them more, is all.

Ryan shrugged. “They seemed fine with it. Though, we probably should set them straight beforehand anyways.” He gave a little laugh before motioning for me to follow him down to the kitchen.

“Do you want to come over tomorrow?”

“To your house?” I asked, giving him a questioning look.

“Yeah, why not? I have Fallout 3.”

My eyes got wide at that. “The game where everyone’s mean to you on your tenth birthday and you can start a fight with some kid?”

He laughed at that. “Yeah, pretty much. So?”

“Yeah, sure.” Then I remembered I had an IQ test to take. “No, wait, I have to take that test for my therapist.”

“The day after then?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’m sure my parents will be okay with it, too.”