Hate Me

I felt like I did okay on that IQ test but I suppose you never know until you actually get the results. I also set my parents straight that day too. I had to explain to them that I wasn’t going out with him and that he just had a cuddling problem.

Either way, I was waiting on the school sidewalk the next day, waiting for Ryan to pull up in his car. When he finally did, I hopped right in. For some reason, I was eager to go over there. Perhaps for the game… though… I’m not really even convincing myself…

“You seem excited,” he chuckled. I suddenly turned away, realizing that I had been looking at him.

“Yeah, I’ve heard good things about Fallout 3,” I said, but I was pretty sure it was a lie. For whatever reason I wanted to hang out with him. Is it okay to say that he makes me feel safe? Maybe it’s been since that time he hugged me in the elevator that I’ve felt safe with him. I know I can trust him now but that can hardly mean that I… like him… In that way I mean anyways…

*~*~*~*

“You know, if you go to Vault 112 before you travel through to the Galaxy Radio Station, you find your father sooner,” he said, lying on his stomach as he watched me play Fallout 3 on his computer.

“Minigun! Yes!” I cheered as I looted a minigun from some random mutant. Ryan chuckled from behind me.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink, do you want something?” He asked as he rolled himself off the bed.

“You take such good care of your company, don’t you? Just water though, thanks,” I told him before I laughed a bit.

Quickly, I alt-tabbed out of the game and brought up Firefox. I don’t know why I did it, but I wanted to play a prank on him, a horribly scarring prank on him.

I opened up a link to Two Girls One Cup.

I feel so out of character doing this…

I got up and stood next to the computer, facing the door so that I wouldn’t have to see it. I heard his footsteps on the stairs and then saw him walk in and… “Oh my God! That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you- ugh… gross. I don’t even wanna go up there and turn it off.”

I took off, laughing too hard to run properly as I ran through his bathroom and into the hallway as an alternate route. I heard him following me close behind as I raced down the stairs.

And as I stopped just short of the couch, he ran into me, not having enough time to stop. I was pushed onto the couch from behind, landing on my back and he landed right on top of me, seeing as I accidentally pulled him down with me when I was looking for something to hold onto to keep me from falling.

He pulled his face from my neck and then we both froze, seeing how close we were. Something in my chest ignited at his face, his lips, being so close to mine. I know this isn’t how a normal friend would react. Normally wouldn’t you start laughing and then roll off of the other person. But no, both of our expressions, I’m sure, confused ones, questioning what we should do. It was a serious silence that fell around us.

His eyes seemed to search mine. Was he looking for consent? Consent for what? I tried to use my eyes to tell him yes to whatever it was. Regret wasn’t a huge dilemma on my mind right now.

After another few seconds he finally did what I thought he might do. He began to lean in, his lips getting closer to mine. I did what I didn’t expect myself to do; I closed my eyes. I anticipated it.

I barely felt his lips before we both jolted upright at the sound of the door opening. If I thought my heart was racing before, it must have been on the verge of exploding now.

I jumped up and ran past Amy as she called out my name and ran home. It felt like that was what I had to do, that I had to run away.

Perhaps I haven’t been thinking straight.

Perhaps I haven’t been thinking at all. I almost kissed Ryan! And I wanted it…

I wanted him to kiss me.