Hate Me

I sat in the booth nervously, chewing my lip incessantly and shaking. Ryan gently put one of his hands over mine and then brushed his lips over mine. It helped me relax a little bit, but not much.

I possibly had a sister and I was meeting her for the first time at the age of seventeen. All I could really think was what if she didn’t like me or if this was all a lie.

Every woman that walked into the restaurant was instantly scrutinized by me. Thank God Kale wasn’t working today. Not that he’s not a good friend, just that… I didn’t really want to explain why I was here at the moment and such.

And then one came in through the door looking quite lost. She glanced around the restaurant as if looking for someone. I stood up to get a better look. Then she spotted me. “Norman?” She whispered.

I was a bit taken aback by all of this. It felt completely surreal. But I was still able to nod, slowly, before sitting down.

The woman had dark brown hair and the same green eyes I had. Dark moss green just like mine. The realization that this wasn’t a joke, that I truly had some family out there. But it scared me to know the truth that she held.

“I… wow… it’s…. it’s great to finally meet you,” she said, nearly tearing up. She glanced at Ryan before looking back to me. “A friend?”

She took a seat in front of us in the booth. She had this wide smile on her face as she reached into her bag. She pulled out a photo album and laid it out of the table.

“As you know, my name’s Anna. I’m older than you by eight years. And um… you also have a brother named Peter. Right now he’s in Florida. He just got married. You’re a junior, right?”

I nodded, still in shock that I not only had a sister but also a brother.

“Also…” she opened the photo album and flipped through a few pages. She stopped at some hospital photos. It was a blonde woman and a brunette man holding two babies. “You… had a twin.”

“You mean there’s another Nero running around somewhere?” Ryan chuckled.

“Not… exactly,” She looked a bit sad. “He died a few days after the delivery. You guys were premature and he had a heart murmur.”

Then I suddenly realized just why I had the dreams about being alone and the severe loneliness. I had never thought of that before. It was suffocating, the feeling of being alone, waking up without having someone near me. And I never understood it… until now. Could my memories really have gone back as far as when I was a newborn? Perhaps we had that twin bond, and when it was severed, those feelings carried with me. But… I haven’t been having them as often after I started going out with Ryan.

“Oh…,“ I whispered, as I was beginning to tear up. I couldn’t even fathom the reasoning behind that.

“Are you okay?” Ryan asked, concern in his voice.

I grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it before nodding. He laced our fingers together and squeezed back. I was happy to have him with me. It was quite reassuring to have him with me.

“How… how did my birth parents die?” I was almost afraid to ask.

“Well… Mom had a brain aneurism. It ruptured and… well… she didn’t make it. The doctors had no idea it was even there. It happened while she was driving. Dad was the only one in the car at the time and… you can imagine what happened from there.

“Peter was fifteen at the time. He even said he’d take up jobs to keep us all together. As I was too young and you were just two. They deemed him unfit and we were carted off to foster care and such. Which reminds me, are you still in foster care?”

I shook my head. “I was adopted awhile ago.”

She smiled at me before asking, “They’re good to you, right?”

“Better than I could’ve asked for,” I told her.

“I was going to ask you to come live with me if you were still in foster care. But I’m glad you have good parents,” she said. “I’d like to meet them sometime.”

Something beeped in her pocket. She pulled out her pager and said, “It’s the hospital. But here’s my number, call me anytime. And we need to set up a day to meet up.” She must have been a doctor or nurse.

She stood up and leaned over to give me a hug. Ryan and I hadn’t unlaced our hands though. She pulled back quickly as our hands quickly separated and my heart gave a little jolt out of fear. She was quiet for a moment, leaving me to squirm under her scrutiny. It terrified me that the simple fact that I was going out with Ryan could possibly shift my sister’s (that sounds strange to say) thoughts about me.

But she just kind of chuckled. “I would’ve never guessed.” She leaned in towards me and I almost flinched away but withheld the urge to. I don’t know why I felt that way. Perhaps because she was a stranger and considering what happened not too long ago. But, then again, that probably wouldn’t explain what happened between Ryan and I and why I’ve never really shied away from his touch. “Don’t worry about it. It’s rather cute.”

I relaxed at what she said, happy that it wasn’t an obstacle.

“I’ll arrange a day when I’m not on call to meet with you guys. And Norman? Thanks for coming out here today. It really meant a lot to me.”