Amped Up: Why Is My Name Jason?

This was absolutely unbelievable. Tomorrow was my seventeenth birthday and my father, being the bonehead that he is, was probably going to ignore it, despite the fact that it was also his thirty-ninth birthday. It was the way things always were. No matter what, my siblings and I never got the attention we so desperately deserved from our father. I guess it didn’t really help that our father was Kevin Jonas and that he was usually out touring along with our uncles: Nick and Joe. Yeah, that’s right; I’m a Jonas kid. The thing is, I hate it. I truly do despise the fact that I’m the youngest of the Jonas triplets or as the media occasionally refers to us, the “Kevanda” kids. Ugh! I hate the whole damn thing.

Fortunately, I always have Aunt Lizz. Over the years, it was always my aunt that I was able to turn to while my father was away. Aunt Lizz always told me how my mother, her older sister, had insisted that she watch over me, my brother, and my sister. My mom had died when we were just kids and, although she was merely sixteen at the time, Aunt Lizz was the one to care for us for the majority of our lives. Dad was always busy with his career. Aunt Lizz always had her own career…and life…as well, but she always made time for us. I just didn’t get why my father never did the same thing that Aunt Lizz did. I mean, she had her own family to raise and still ended up making time for us. In fact, I still remember Aunt Lizz’s wedding. It occurred when I was six years old; that was when I watched my aunt get married to yet another rock star: Teddy Geiger. As the years passed, she started a family of her own and now had four kids to raise along with me and my siblings, my cousins: ten year-old Greg, eight year-old Harmony, five year-old Forge, and three year-old Drake.

Within a few minutes, I noticed that Garrett and Madison had come into the room. Ah, my older brother and sister. Despite the fact that we’re technically triplets, I’m the youngest: Garrett came first followed by Madison. Maybe that’s why I’m so bothered by the fact that my father isn’t around that much. I was the last one to be born and sort of was closer to my mother because of it. That also might explain why I’m closest to Aunt Lizz; she was Mom’s younger sister. My siblings though, have learned to deal with it. Garrett was either at a football game due to being on the team or out with some of his friends. Madison was a cheerleader so, it was kind of obvious as to what she was up to. Despite the fact that my siblings were able to deal with this, I couldn’t. I must have picked that up from my father; he couldn’t really get over this himself…even after seventeen long years.

At one point, I was able to convince Aunt Lizz to tell us of the story behind our parents’ meeting. I was the only one who wanted to hear how they met though. So, Aunt Lizz told me of the live web chat that my father and uncles held on August 12th, 2008 in which Uncle Nick and Uncle Joe decided to make fun of my mother’s name when it became aware of the fact that my father was saying “I love Amanda Lynne,” something Aunt Lizz typed. Because my uncles made fun of my mother’s name, Aunt Lizz and my father began plotting to get them to apologize to her in public, which they did. After meeting her, Dad immediately fell in love with her and they started dating. Dad was able help her through her own parents’ deaths: one which occurred only a month after they started dating and the other which occurred a day prior to their wedding. After their wedding, Garrett, Madison, and I were conceived and nine months later, on November 5th, we were born. Garrett came first at 6:52 PM, followed by Madison at 6:58 PM. I came last at 7:05 PM, something that Aunt Lizz seemed to find particularly funny due to the fact that it was the name of one of the songs off my father’s first album with his brothers.

The moment I was born was also the same moment that my mother died. Aunt Lizz never told me that though; I had to find out that for myself. Once when I was fourteen, I had this dream which depicted my own birth. I found myself watching my mother and aunt speak about the fact that she was going to die immediately after I was born. Despite learning of this shocking news, I never told Aunt Lizz that I knew how my mother died. She didn’t seem to want me to know about how my mother died. So, I didn’t mention it.

Despite seventeen years passing, my father never remarried. He loved my mother far too much to marry again, no matter how many fans he had. It was as if a part of him had died the same moment that my mother did. Plus, my father rarely ever wanted to associate with anyone outside of his family. Aunt Lizz and her family was sort of the exception; she wasn’t blood related, but rather his sister-in-law. In addition to that, she was helping him raise us. That kind of made it impossible for my father to not see Aunt Lizz. I sighed and looked over at my siblings. “Garrett, Maddie, what do you want?” I asked.

Garrett crossed his arms. “What do you think, Voorhees? We’re trying to figure out why you’re sitting up here sulking in your room. I mean geez, Voorhees, you can’t just sit around sulking over the fact that we were never able to meet our mother,” Garrett said.

I didn’t answer. I was too pissed at my brother for calling me Voorhees. He and Madison are the only ones to ever call me that. Aunt Lizz accidentally let Garrett and Madison watch some of the Friday the 13th movies. When they realized that my name was the same as the villain in every one of the movies in the series…except for the original, my older siblings (by thirteen and seven minutes respectively) started calling me Voorhees. When I wouldn’t answer their stupid question, Madison began taunting me as well. “Oh, come on, Voorhees. Just answer us and we’ll leave you alone,” she said leaning against the door.

“Don’t call me Voorhees!” I yelled.

“He’s right,” I heard Aunt Lizz say. “Don’t call him that.”

“Whatever,” they said.

“Thanks Aunt Lizz,” I said.

“You know you really shouldn’t let them call you that, Jason. I mean, I should know. While your mother and I were growing up, I would always call her Duh. She never did stop me and I called her that up until she became pregnant with you, Garrett and Madison. I knew she didn’t want the three of you to be taking after her younger sister and calling her Duh,” she said. “So, Jason, have you been able to come up with a way to get over your mother? Garrett has football and Madison has cheerleading, but what about you?”

I shrugged. The fact was that I really didn’t know what I was going to do in order to keep my mind off my mother. Somehow, I could never bring myself to find something to get my mind off my mother. From the time I was a little kid, I’ve felt this odd presence that never let me forget about my mother. As a result, I never really got focused on something. “I really don’t know, Aunt Lizz. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to let this go. I mean, despite the fact that I never really met her, I was the last born, meaning that I was able to bond with her the longest. I won’t ever be able to forget about something like that.”

Aunt Lizz smiled. “Like your father.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Jason, you need to pursue music,” Aunt Lizz told me. “You need to follow your father’s footsteps and become a musician. And I think I know the perfect instrument that you need to take up.”

“What?” I asked curiously.

Aunt Lizz quickly went out to the closet. When she returned, she was carrying a guitar-like instrument. “Jason, this was your mother’s mandolin, a gift from your father during the one Christmas they were able to spend together. Initially it was given to her as joke because of what her name is, but it eventually became her most prized possession. Just before she died, your mother asked me to keep this away from your father as he would want it destroyed.”

I took my mother’s mandolin from my aunt in utter confusion. “Why? Why would Dad want a gift that he gave her in the first place? That just doesn’t seem to make any sense.”

“Jason, Mandolin was your father’s nickname for her. Your mother only ever let him call her that. Joe and Nick were never allowed to call her that because they were the ones to make fun of her name. Plus, there’s something you don’t know about your father; it’s something that he never wished for you, Garrett, or Madison to know about. You see, there was this one song on your father’s third album in which he played a mandolin. That was always your mother’s favorite song,” Aunt Lizz said putting a hand on my left shoulder.

“But, I’ve heard all their songs,” I objected. With my father being a member of the Jonas Brothers, I was one of the few guys that listened to their music. I knew every song, every word, and every tune. So, how was it that my aunt was saying all of this? “Aunt Lizz, I’ve heard all their songs; there can’t be a song that I haven’t heard them play.”

“There is though. Lovebug. Your father, of course, swore never to play that song ever again. In addition to that, any time that CD is played, Lovebug will always be skipped. The song reminded him far too much of the fact that I am helping him raise you three,” she said. “I’ve often trying to get him to play that song, but it’s to no avail. Despite the fact that it was the second single off their third album, your father swore that the last time he ever played that song was your mother’s funeral. No matter how many times I try to convince him to play the damn song, your father absolutely refuses to do such a thing.”

As I was sitting there on my bed, I thought back on all of the Jonas Brothers songs that I had heard from the time I was little. There was never one called Lovebug…at least not that I could remember. I grabbed my iPod from off my nightstand and began scrolling through it; all their songs were there. Of me and my siblings, I was the only one who really listened to Dad’s music. From the moment that the Jonas Brothers came into existence twenty years ago, it was pretty much teenage girls that listened to their music. That was still the case…except for maybe me. It was my family’s music, after all. I had to listen to it. Garrett and Madison didn’t listen to Dad’s music though; Garrett preferred hip-hop and Madison was a country girl. I listened to my Dad’s music and a lot of rock. While scrolling through the songs, I found that there was no mention of the song Lovebug. I sighed. Aunt Lizz was right; I haven’t heard that song. I placed my iPod back on the nightstand and looked over at my aunt. “Dad really has kept me from listening to that song.”

Aunt Lizz nodded and sighed. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Jason. And the fact is that it’s a really good song. Now, I’ll see if I can find the CD single as well as the sheet music so you can learn how to play it. Your father hid it so that you, your brother, and sister would never hear the one song that reminded him of his deceased wife.”

What Dad did was completely stupid. Why in the world would he try to keep one of his band’s singles out of airplay in order to not get reminded of Mom’s death? He needed to just live with the fact that people waned to hear that song. I wanted to hear that song, particularly if my father was playing an instrument in that song that shared a name with my mother. Dad just needed to accept the fact that he couldn't hide from that song forever. “Thanks Aunt Lizz. I don’t know what I’d end up doing if I wasn’t so close to you.”

She laughed. “You’d have to turn to Uncle Joe.”

“True,” I said. Uncle Joe, of my father’s three younger brothers, was the one I was closest to. Of course, Uncle Joe really wasn’t the best person to talk to about stuff like this. Despite the fact that he was in his late thirties, Uncle Joe still acted like he was a child; he basically acts like a ten year-old, which, the fact that he has a ten year-old daughter named Ella, doesn’t really help the matter of my immature uncle. His fifteen year-old son, Quinn, is the cousin I’m closest to and I ended up realizing that my uncle was a child. Even Uncle Frankie, who happens to be eleven years younger than him, acts older than Uncle Joe. Uncle Nick acted older than him too, but then, Uncle Nick always did seem to be the most mature, at least according to the stories I’ve heard from Aunt Lizz.

“Now, Jason, I’ll go attempt to find that stuff for you,” Aunt Lizz said. She then began muttering something to herself, but I could still hear it. “Kevin shouldn’t be doing this; he shouldn’t be hiding from that song because it reminds him of Amanda. His kids should be able hear this song, particularly Jason. Jason is like his father, musically inclined and doesn’t want to let go of the thoughts of his mother; I’ve told him everything I can about Amanda, knowing that he deserves to know what his mother was like. Plus, if what Amanda told me is true, he’ll need to know what type of person that his mother was.”

As Aunt Lizz walked out of the room, I began to wonder what it was that she was talking about. From the sound of it, my aunt had been told something about me by my mother just before she died, just before I was born. But that didn’t make any sense. How could my mother have told her something about me? Mom was never around to see the type of person I had become. What in the world was going on here? Once of these days, I am going to ask my aunt about that; why my aunt would be saying something like this was beyond and I needed to understand why she would say something like that. I shrugged and, after lying down on my bed, grabbed my iPod to listen to my father’s music for awhile.

While listening to one of the songs off my father’s third album, Pushing Me Away, I realized that my father was doing exactly that to me, Garrett, and Maddie. It was as if he wanted nothing to do with us because we were born on the same day that Mom died, despite the fact that it was also his birthday. He was freezing us out, particularly me. I was the last born and it was, therefore, me who caused Mom to die. That could have been why Dad never like being around me; I was a constant reminder of the fact that Mom was no longer around.