Different
Chapter 29
CHAPTER 29
~Gerard~
I shivered in the drafty attic, rubbing my hands together for warmth. Looking up at Kyo, I saw her smile encouragingly at me. Deciding to trust her, I cleared my throat.
“When I was very little I had no friends…” I mumbled, uncertainly. I waited for her to laugh. She didn’t, and so I dug deeper into the pit of despair where I had managed to hide all my regrets and pains. And that was when It all came flooding back…
“Even from when I first started school, the other kids didn’t like me. I used to hide every lunch-time, ‘cause groups a few years older than me would come and beat me up. Break my toys and stuff…” I blushed at how stupid it sounded, but Kyo’s eyes were wide.
Gaining confidence, I continued.
“Mikey was my only friend, and even so…he was my brother after all. It’s not like I had any real friends. It’s stupid really…” I finished my sentence hurriedly.
Kyo laid a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.
“Gee…That’s not stupid at all…”
“I-I…It isn’t?” I asked
“No…now you gonna finish this story?” She smiled at me.
“When Mikey came to our school things didn’t get much better. Infact they got worse. Now, instead of picking on me...they picked on him…. I tried to stop them but nothing worked. I was 9 years old and them, 13. I couldn’t do a thing. They would grab me and thrust my arms painfully behind my back, holding me roughly and forcing me to watch as they ruthlessly kicked him.”
“That’s sick!! That’s fucking Sick!” Kyo interrupted me, a look of horror on her face.
I nodded.
Looking down, I realised my hands had curled themselves into fists without me realising.
Not knowing what else to say, I carried on.
“When I got older I moved schools. Mikey moved to the same one as me, and things began to get better for him. I had gained strength for all the hatred of my attackers and desire of protecting my little brother, and so people knew what were to happen if they touched him. Meanwhile Mikey made friends. He became quite popular actually.
I meanwhile, was stuck in a pit of despair. I still had no friends, and although I was used to sticking up for Mikey, I am not so strong when fighting for my own cause. I always have and always will put my life out for others, but it’s a different story for my self. Besides…If the popular kids hated me then so did everyone else.
I began to…take out my feelings in the only way I knew…” Swallowing, I slowly lifted my arm. They were hardly visible now, so I was able to wear sleeveless tops, but the faint scars still etched into my wrists were tracked permanently into my painful memories.
Kyo bent closer to see my arm, and her short black hair fell onto her face, hiding her beautiful eyes. She realised what she was looking at, and turned to me a look of deep sorrow on her face. But then she bent forward and gave me a huge hug.
“I’m proud of you” she whispered, tears in her eyes.
I was taken aback. I had expected her to tread round me like I was some kind of freak after she knew about the cuts…
“What for?” I said after she had pulled away.
She smiled.
“You showed them who you really are. You don’t need to hurt yourself to overcome the hurt they force into you. You’re powerful enough not to have to take it out on yourself now...”
I had never thought about it that way…
“Thank you.” I whispered, becoming more and more fond of her. If that was possible. As friends of course. Yes. As friends.
“It got better after that” I said. “Because then I met Ann. She’s the thing that woke me up and made me see what I really was. After that I began to take a closer look at my life. I worked hard, I stopped cutting, and gradually things got better.
And it was great. Only now…” I looked at her and my words trailed off. She looked deeply depressed, but she was wearing a smile I could tell without a second thought was forced.
“Kyo…It’s…I mean…” I struggled to find the words.
She looked at me intently, looking concerned.
“Me and Ann…It’s not working out!” I blurted out in one breath.
She looked taken aback.
“But you’re wonderful together!” she gasped
“I’m not sure she sees it that way anymore…” I said quietly.
Smiling sadly, Kyo turned to me.
“Gerard…You love her. And-”
“You don’t GET IT!! I love her but does she love me!? GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD!!” I yelled.
She looked at me, tears adding to the hurt in her eyes.
I gasped. Why had I shouted at her like that? I didn’t mean to take it out on her!
Shit! Shit, shit, shit!
“Kyo I-” I began, but it was too late.
Standing up, she stared at me, biting her bottom lip hard to stop the tears that were already leaking out of her eyes.
“Who wouldn’t love you?” She said softly, her voice trembling with emotion, before running out of the room.
I sat there open-mouthed. Had she just said what I thought she had?! Did that mean…? And why did my thoughts seem to match hers?! I was so confused…
Confused and stupid! I reminded myself, and ran down the stairs after her. But it was too late. She was gone, as was her coat and bag.
“No!” I yelled, anger at myself flooding through me.
Frankie came through into the corridor.
“You okay Gee?” he asked, “You’ve been ages...”
Forcing a fake smile onto my face the way I always did, I attempted a cheery tone.
“Fine!” I laughed, my voice a bit too high.
I may have fooled Frankie but I certainly wasn’t fooling myself…
~Gerard~
I shivered in the drafty attic, rubbing my hands together for warmth. Looking up at Kyo, I saw her smile encouragingly at me. Deciding to trust her, I cleared my throat.
“When I was very little I had no friends…” I mumbled, uncertainly. I waited for her to laugh. She didn’t, and so I dug deeper into the pit of despair where I had managed to hide all my regrets and pains. And that was when It all came flooding back…
“Even from when I first started school, the other kids didn’t like me. I used to hide every lunch-time, ‘cause groups a few years older than me would come and beat me up. Break my toys and stuff…” I blushed at how stupid it sounded, but Kyo’s eyes were wide.
Gaining confidence, I continued.
“Mikey was my only friend, and even so…he was my brother after all. It’s not like I had any real friends. It’s stupid really…” I finished my sentence hurriedly.
Kyo laid a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.
“Gee…That’s not stupid at all…”
“I-I…It isn’t?” I asked
“No…now you gonna finish this story?” She smiled at me.
“When Mikey came to our school things didn’t get much better. Infact they got worse. Now, instead of picking on me...they picked on him…. I tried to stop them but nothing worked. I was 9 years old and them, 13. I couldn’t do a thing. They would grab me and thrust my arms painfully behind my back, holding me roughly and forcing me to watch as they ruthlessly kicked him.”
“That’s sick!! That’s fucking Sick!” Kyo interrupted me, a look of horror on her face.
I nodded.
Looking down, I realised my hands had curled themselves into fists without me realising.
Not knowing what else to say, I carried on.
“When I got older I moved schools. Mikey moved to the same one as me, and things began to get better for him. I had gained strength for all the hatred of my attackers and desire of protecting my little brother, and so people knew what were to happen if they touched him. Meanwhile Mikey made friends. He became quite popular actually.
I meanwhile, was stuck in a pit of despair. I still had no friends, and although I was used to sticking up for Mikey, I am not so strong when fighting for my own cause. I always have and always will put my life out for others, but it’s a different story for my self. Besides…If the popular kids hated me then so did everyone else.
I began to…take out my feelings in the only way I knew…” Swallowing, I slowly lifted my arm. They were hardly visible now, so I was able to wear sleeveless tops, but the faint scars still etched into my wrists were tracked permanently into my painful memories.
Kyo bent closer to see my arm, and her short black hair fell onto her face, hiding her beautiful eyes. She realised what she was looking at, and turned to me a look of deep sorrow on her face. But then she bent forward and gave me a huge hug.
“I’m proud of you” she whispered, tears in her eyes.
I was taken aback. I had expected her to tread round me like I was some kind of freak after she knew about the cuts…
“What for?” I said after she had pulled away.
She smiled.
“You showed them who you really are. You don’t need to hurt yourself to overcome the hurt they force into you. You’re powerful enough not to have to take it out on yourself now...”
I had never thought about it that way…
“Thank you.” I whispered, becoming more and more fond of her. If that was possible. As friends of course. Yes. As friends.
“It got better after that” I said. “Because then I met Ann. She’s the thing that woke me up and made me see what I really was. After that I began to take a closer look at my life. I worked hard, I stopped cutting, and gradually things got better.
And it was great. Only now…” I looked at her and my words trailed off. She looked deeply depressed, but she was wearing a smile I could tell without a second thought was forced.
“Kyo…It’s…I mean…” I struggled to find the words.
She looked at me intently, looking concerned.
“Me and Ann…It’s not working out!” I blurted out in one breath.
She looked taken aback.
“But you’re wonderful together!” she gasped
“I’m not sure she sees it that way anymore…” I said quietly.
Smiling sadly, Kyo turned to me.
“Gerard…You love her. And-”
“You don’t GET IT!! I love her but does she love me!? GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD!!” I yelled.
She looked at me, tears adding to the hurt in her eyes.
I gasped. Why had I shouted at her like that? I didn’t mean to take it out on her!
Shit! Shit, shit, shit!
“Kyo I-” I began, but it was too late.
Standing up, she stared at me, biting her bottom lip hard to stop the tears that were already leaking out of her eyes.
“Who wouldn’t love you?” She said softly, her voice trembling with emotion, before running out of the room.
I sat there open-mouthed. Had she just said what I thought she had?! Did that mean…? And why did my thoughts seem to match hers?! I was so confused…
Confused and stupid! I reminded myself, and ran down the stairs after her. But it was too late. She was gone, as was her coat and bag.
“No!” I yelled, anger at myself flooding through me.
Frankie came through into the corridor.
“You okay Gee?” he asked, “You’ve been ages...”
Forcing a fake smile onto my face the way I always did, I attempted a cheery tone.
“Fine!” I laughed, my voice a bit too high.
I may have fooled Frankie but I certainly wasn’t fooling myself…