Status: Christmas Break is coming up. I'll be able to write more, then. ^.^ Finals and presentations and projects....Gah!! I haven't given up on this, though, promise! I have somewhat of an ending written...And I love it!
Weeds
Octoer 21
October 21
I watch my mom wander aimlessly around the house. I watch her stare at the pictures hanging on the walls, the ones of all four of us (me with my stupid, pastel clothes and fat cheeks, and Jaden, whose baby fat was still considered cute), and then look over them again as she passes them by …again, and again, and again, as though they are more real than the present, or as though looking at them a hundred times a day will make them true again. I watch her drown herself in drink. I see the liquor bottles littering the corners of all the rooms, the pill bottles scattered on the countertops, the white tablets covering her nightstand in little mounds. I watch her stare out the window and I know she doesn’t see the kids playing hockey, or the pregnant couple taking their evening walk, or the neighbor’s Chihuahua taking a dump on our lawn..but something intangible. I watch her take out her frustrations on my brother and me. I watch her terrify him. I watch his big eyes get bigger with fear and anguish. I see her floating like a ghoul on the edge of everything, hiding in the shadows, coming out in inopportune moments, but never when we actually need her.
I watch her do all of this, and I can’t hate her for it.
She’s a willow that had once stood straight and tall, but was broken by idiots who couldn’t find the good sense to pretend to care. They were only concerned about their pocket books, their image, and their jobs. What was one beautiful willow when there’s an expensive ocean view just beyond? A couple branches wouldn’t be missed.
It wasn’t her fault, you know? She loved my dad, and he loved her. It wasn’t her fault; it wasn’t even his. He was insane and stupid, which is what I suppose led up to it all, but he was good and neither of them deserved this. She doesn’t deserve to be sad all her life. I wish I knew what I could do to make her happy again.
Maybe it’s just like a regular sickness; it’ll all go away after a while. Time heals all pain. That’s what I always tell Jaden. I think if I keep telling him this, maybe eventually I’ll even believe it myself.
I watch my mom wander aimlessly around the house. I watch her stare at the pictures hanging on the walls, the ones of all four of us (me with my stupid, pastel clothes and fat cheeks, and Jaden, whose baby fat was still considered cute), and then look over them again as she passes them by …again, and again, and again, as though they are more real than the present, or as though looking at them a hundred times a day will make them true again. I watch her drown herself in drink. I see the liquor bottles littering the corners of all the rooms, the pill bottles scattered on the countertops, the white tablets covering her nightstand in little mounds. I watch her stare out the window and I know she doesn’t see the kids playing hockey, or the pregnant couple taking their evening walk, or the neighbor’s Chihuahua taking a dump on our lawn..but something intangible. I watch her take out her frustrations on my brother and me. I watch her terrify him. I watch his big eyes get bigger with fear and anguish. I see her floating like a ghoul on the edge of everything, hiding in the shadows, coming out in inopportune moments, but never when we actually need her.
I watch her do all of this, and I can’t hate her for it.
She’s a willow that had once stood straight and tall, but was broken by idiots who couldn’t find the good sense to pretend to care. They were only concerned about their pocket books, their image, and their jobs. What was one beautiful willow when there’s an expensive ocean view just beyond? A couple branches wouldn’t be missed.
It wasn’t her fault, you know? She loved my dad, and he loved her. It wasn’t her fault; it wasn’t even his. He was insane and stupid, which is what I suppose led up to it all, but he was good and neither of them deserved this. She doesn’t deserve to be sad all her life. I wish I knew what I could do to make her happy again.
Maybe it’s just like a regular sickness; it’ll all go away after a while. Time heals all pain. That’s what I always tell Jaden. I think if I keep telling him this, maybe eventually I’ll even believe it myself.