Weeds

As I was shopping with Jaden in the mall, today, looking for some jeans to replace the ones literally disintegrating on his body, the Rich Bitches stopped me in the middle of the hall for a friendly chat. Jaden, seeing the hungry looks on their faces, high-tailed it into the nearest store, mumbling something about a newly-released videogame for his nonexistent Xbox.

It was a blast, of course, meeting up with them with no backup troops standing at the ready with pistols loaded. I adore chewing the fat with those lovely young ladies. It’s always so enlightening. We discussed the topics closest to our hearts and cleared the air by spilling our deepest secrets, knowing that the others would never betray our confidences.

“Looking for ingredients for your spell work?” Amanda asked me, a smirk on her face.

“Uh, what?” I asked, as articulate as ever.

“Looking for the blood of a black kitten? The eye of a newt?” The smirk grew wider, and her friends tittered. “Aren’t you the one who broke that poor girl’s leg? Last week? People swear that it was witchcraft. There’s really no other plausible cause.”

“I don’t do that stuff!” I growled. No kidding. I don’t believe in switching up the balance of things for personal gain.

Amanda gasped in mock-surprise, her eyes rounder than gold dollars. “Really? But the whole school swears it’s true! Are you sure you’re not just doing it in your sleep? I mean, with all the other stuff you do, it’s totally believable!”

Surprised and distracted, I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “What else do I do?”

Amanda smirked, triumphant, pleased to have the chance to torture me further. “You’re failing every class, right? Your father is an abusive drunk. Your little brother goes to bed every night without supper. You spend your evenings getting loaded—” She stopped short, staring at me in alarm. Her eyes were huge.

I was fighting down laughter. My abs ached with the effort it took to hold in the giggles. My face hurt, caught between wanting to grin and staying furiously blank.

I forced a sharp nod and left… so I wouldn’t start howling like a lunatic in front of them all. Hey, I still had some pride.

I waited until I was around the corner, in the children’s park, hidden amidst the fake trees and play equipment, before I let myself go. I doubled over, grabbing my side, laughing my head off. It felt so good. I hadn’t let myself laugh that hard for over six months. I laughed so hard it hurt. I grinned so big my face went numb. It was liberating.

Or it was, until I started crying.

Nothing hits a person harder than the truth.

Not that anything that bitch had said was true. But the very fact that she had thought them of me…and the fact that I knew she actually had good reason to think them…It cut me deep.
When did all of this start? I can’t remember.

There, surrounded by wide-eyed toddlers, I let myself slump onto the carpet, my hands falling uselessly into my lap. I cried because I didn’t know what to do.

I still don’t know what to do.