Keep the Pain Away. . .

The book a muted thud on the counter. I went straight to the “B” section. My eyes skimmed down the lists impatiently before I got the name I was mainly interested in. Billy Black. I assumed it was Jacob’s father but I was hesitant as I got the phone.

The ringing sound made me a little impatient but soon I heard a gruff voice at the other end. “Hello?”

“Hi, this is Zeeva Smith. I was wondering if there was a Jacob Black in the household.”

“Uhh…Yeah. One minute.”

I waited but soon I heard Jake’s voice. It kind of freaked me out that I already recognized his voice.

“Hey!” I was jittery.

“Hello?” Jake sounded tired

“This is Zeeva. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out of something. Since really you are my only friend but that’s besides the point. I’m really freaking jittery so I was wondering if we could do something involving fighting or running or something. Just something, ya know. Like lots, and lots, and lots, and lots-”

“Slow. Down. My mind can’t handle this much speed at the moment. Why are you so jittery and hyped up?”

I hesitated. “Well, there was this guy and he was really, really fast and stuff so it’s kind of creeping me out. This guy has like really pale skin so now I think the fear and stuff is settling in so now I’m freaking out big time cause he ruined my balcony door so I’m also really pissed and I don’t know what to do, so can I just hang out with you for a little bit. I don’t care if I just sit on your couch and listen to music while you sleep. I just want to be with someone else besides the people related to me and you are my only friend so like you’ll…keep me safe?”

“I’m coming to get you.”

He hung up. My hand wouldn’t move the phone away from my ear. I finally managed to move the phone away. I ran up the stairs and went to grab my iPod. I took a step out into the damp, cold air. The first song I heard was ‘When You’re Gone’ by Avril Lavigne.

I changed it quickly and just waited.

…and waited…

…and waited…

I was pacing for at least half an hour.

I waited…

…and waited…

…and waited…

I started to get chilly. I must have been waiting for at least an hour and a half outside. I felt so…rejected.

I started to blame myself for being so out of touch and closed off. Maybe he thought that it was some sick joke to get my hoped up for actually hanging out with someone, but then just stomping them into the dirt.

I dejectedly turned to the house but instead of going inside, I went to the woods behind. I started walking and walking and walking until I came to this small clearing. It was maybe 12 or so yards in length and 10 yards in width. I decided to ignore it but then I saw someone standing on the other side.

I groaned internally. It was the stupid Francisco person. He was right in front of me in a blink. A big smile was on his face. “Well! Greetings, my beauty! What are you doing all alone in the dangerous wood?” His voice was soft yet held excitement.

“Can you just leave me alone?!” I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, let alone him.

“Aww! I’m sorry for intruding on your thinking time, Miss Zeeva! I shall dismiss myself but keep in mind that I will be keeping you safe!”

With that, he was gone. I was really starting to hate vampires. They’re so ANNOYING! I groaned angrily to myself but kept walking.

I started to feel everything rushing down on me. Rejection, grief, hate, loneliness, anger, longing, etcetera. I soon just slumped against a large mossy tree. The tears slid down my cheeks rebelliously. I completely lost it. I was drowning in emotion. No one was here to save me except for myself and I was just too…weak.

I turned on my iPod at full volume and kept my genre on hard metal and rock. I looked at my wrists and started to trace a few scars. I remember to clearly. The knife against my skin. How it seemed to relief me of all my thoughts but that was before I became a M.M.A. student. You could say I was so emotionally depressed that I became a severe cutter.

I pushed the memories back but they pushed harder that all my walls came down. A gasp escaped my lips followed by a scared whimper. It all played in front of me in flashback. It felt so real that for a split second I thought it was all happening again.

The images were so vivid. I couldn’t help myself form curling into the fetal position. I was still leaning against the tree. Everything was washed away. I couldn’t breathe. That’s when suddenly something hit me. Pain engulfed my entire chest. My eyes focused to see someone glaring at me with hate filled eyes.