It Was a Lie When They Smiled

Delilah’s POV

I’m Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! All these questions ran though my head.

Why did you take advantage of the fact you could have kids so quick?

Why didn’t you listen to Bob?

Why we’re you being so stupid?

Don’t you care about anyone beside your self?

Couldn’t you have just waited until tour was done?

Why were you being stupid?

Didn’t you ever once listen to what other people had to say?

Did you ever ask who anyone else would feel if you got pregnant?

Did you even feel like you were ready for this?

Why did you act so stupid?

Why couldn’t you just wait?

Did you ever think about asking Frank if he was ready?

Did you ever think you just kind of gave him no choice?

Why am I so stupid?

Do you even know how depressed you’re gonna be?

Do you know how much it would kill Frank to see you like that?

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID?!

Cars zoomed past the tour bus as others followed it not know who was in the bus. In the bus held 7 happy people and one self hating girl.

“Hey there, Delilah,” Gerard sang as he walked past me. I didn’t say anything. I just smirked. It wasn’t even a real smirk. I got up from the table and walked over to my bunk and lay down. Pulling out my journal I thought about the questions I asked my self earlier. Half the answers are no. I took a pen out of a small pouch in my luggage case.



January, 1st, 2009

Negative. I’m so stupid! I went into this whole ‘I want to have a kid’ act way too fast. I couldn’t and I can’t ever get over the fact I didn’t even think twice about it. I regret that. Yet I regret a lot of things.

The way I’m just so careless about anybody else kind of stresses me out. I know I should tell someone… but I don’t want them to have to worry about me. It’s just like I have to be the center of attention. That’s the way I am and I have no clue how to change that with out having people worry. I don’t want to be the person that has everybody like them. I just want people to like me for who I am. I don’t even know who I am. I don’t even know what I am. But whatever it is I don’t like it. It shouldn’t exist.

I believe I’m falling into a deep depression that’s going to be quite hard to get out of. I’m not prepared for the consequence at all. I no longer believe I should be living life at the fullest if I’m not prepared for what I’m going to do. And I know what I’m going to do… and I know I’ll regret it. But if it makes me feel better then it’s fine with me. I know what would happen but at this point I don’t care. It’s more than just the negative. And that’s all I have to say.

Delilah E. Iero

Frank’s POV

“Hey Gee… did you see Delilah anywhere? I’ve been looking for her for about half an hour,” I asked as I walked up to Gerard.

He shook his head, “Ash might know.”

“Hey Ash,” I called, walking over to her from three fourths the way across the parking lot.

“Yeah,” Ashley asked turning around. I finally reached her.

“Did you see Delilah anywhere?” I asked.

“She went to the store.”

“What store?”

“Rite-aid.”

“Oh… okay… do you know why?”

“She said she had to pick up some things.”

“Did she say what?”

“Nope.”

“Oh okay… thanks”

I turned and started to walk away.

“Hey, Frank,” Ashley called.

I turned around, “Huh?”

“She’s fine.”

I smiled and turned around again. I know she’s fine.

Delilah’s POV

“So, ugh, what cha got there?” I asked the man next to me. He was actually more of a younger man… maybe in his early 20s.

“They’re cookies I made,” the young man said. He leaned over and got ready to whisper something in my ear.

“There’s heroine in them though,” he whispered. I nodded.

“Oh,” I replied whispering. The young man put the small bag in my hand.

“I can have them?” I asked. He nodded.

“Well do you want them?” he asked, “I saw that small smile on your face.”

“Thanks man… I really needed these,” I said smiling.

“If you want to share them you can,” the man said.

“No. No. No. They don’t even know I’m doing this,” I said softly. The young man smiled and nodded as if he understood.

“I’m doing the same thing,” he added.

“Delilah Heart,” A voice from the pharmacy called interrupting our conversation. I got up off the comfortable chair I was sitting on. I had went under a different last name just incase.

“That’s me,” I said stopped in front of the counter.

“Here are your AD’s have a nice day,” the woman said. I smiled and took the small white rite-aid bag from her hand.

“Thanks, you too,” I replied. With that I left and went into the car.

“It’s just you and me AD,” I said opening up the bottle.

Frank’s POV

“Delilah! I’ve been looked all over for you! Where have you been?!” I asked running up to Dee and giving her a hug. She didn’t hug back.

“The store,” she said softly.

“Oh,” I said as I let go of her. Something was wrong. I mean I knew she was kind of down about the negative but there was something else was going on.

“Do you ugh want a beer or something?” I asked grasping her hand as we walked back to the bus. Delilah smiled and nodded after saying yes.

“Hey, Dee,” Kierstyn said happily as she looked over her shoulder at Delilah. Dee waved.

Delilah’s POV

I was feeling better already. That beer really helped. I went back to the fridge and got another one.

“Pain killers… I need pain killers,” I said quickly as I looked thought the small cabinets.

“What do you have a head ache?” Ashley asked. I nodded. But I didn’t have a head ache. I left my ADs in the car and I didn’t want to go back and come back in with nothing in my hand because it’s in my pockets. No one can know about the ADs, or anti depressants. No one. Quickly I took 4 pain killers.

“Ugh… you might want to use water instead of Molson Canadian,” Ray said taking the beer bottle out of my hand. I shook my head.

“Nope, I don’t want to use water,” I replied reaching for the bottle in Ray’s hands.

“Delilah, you have to use water,” Ray said. I reached for the bottle again he put it behind his back and blocked me by putting his hand on my forehead.

“Give me my Effin’ beer, Ray,” I said struggling to get be hind him.

“Dee! No! Bad girl,” Bob said. I stopped.

“Fine,” I said crossing my arms, “I’ll just get another bottle.”

“Delilah, no,” Ray said running over to the fridge and blocking it.

“RAY!”

“Delilah!”

“Dude, give me my Effin beer, man!”

“No man”

I rolled my eyes and put the pain killers in my mouth and just swallowed them with nothing.

“There. Now give me the damn beer,” I said holding my hand out. Ray gave me the bottle.

“Thank you,” I said taking a big gulp. Ray just shook his head.

Gerard’s POV

“Hey, Frank,” I called walking across the bus to talk to him.

“Yeah?” Frank asked shaking his head. I guess he had been off in his own little world. He got disturbed so easily. I sat down next to him.

“Does Dee seem a little… weird to you lately?” I asked. Frank shrugged as he inhaled deeply.

“I- sorta. I mean she’s never that aggressive over beer. But maybe it’s just one of those days or something,” he replied.

“Frank, she just found out she wasn’t pregnant,” I pointed out.

“So… what’s your point… she would never handle anything like this. She hasn’t been like this for 1 full year.”

“She’s not suicidal.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Something else is going on. You have to find out.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Frank. I’m not her husband”

“But-“

“You have to ask her.”

”But what if she doesn’t tell me?”

“You’re her husband… she tells you everything.”

“Got a point.”

I nodded.

“Good,” I said and walked away. I’m getting kind of worried myself.

Frank’s POV

“Delilah,” I said grabbing her arm. She sat at the table with another bottle in her hand.

“Frankie,” she replied looking up at me. Her eyes were sort of dull but she had a smile painted on her face. She didn’t look okay.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked. Dee nodded and laughed.

“Of course you can,” She added in a high pitched voice. I tugged on her arm.

“No… You can talk to me here,” she said pulling her arm away. I sighed and sat next to her.

“Dee, are you okay?” I asked calmly. Delilah swayed back and forth as if she didn’t even here what I asked.

“Delilah,” I nudged her with my elbow.

“What?!” she asked quickly as she jumped. She looked at me.

“Are you okay?” I repeated.

“Psh… yeah I’m fine,” she replied, she gestured that ‘don’t worry about it’ gesture. Usually that meant she was fine. She put the bottle back up to her mouth and took another sip.

“How many beers have you had?” I asked looking around. Dee put her bottle on the table and started counting on her fingers.

“Well lets see,” she started, “One… two… three…. Four….five.” I blinked. Five?! She never drank five. She rarely drank any!

“This one’s empty,” She said, “Move.”

I scooted off the seat and let Dee out of the booth.

“Getting another one?” I asked. Dee shook her head.

“I gotta use the bathroom,” she replied. The door was closed. She leaned up against it and banged on it with her hand.

“Dee… no one’s in there,” I informed her. She sighed.

“It’s not opening!” she said pulling on the handle. I walked over and turned the knob and opened the door.

“Oh,” She said expanding the word. She walked in and shut the door behind her. She’s only partly drunk… it’s not that bad.

Delilah’s POV

I couldn’t let anyone see me with the cookies the young man had giving to me. They’d want one and I’d have to say no. And I know its gross eating in the bathroom… but no one is gonna walk in on you there. I quickly shoved two of the cookies into my mouth. I shoved the rest into my pocket and walked out after I finished eating them. I felt way better. I was thinking about writing in my journal before… for get that.

Frank’s POV

(Show time)

“Dude, is Dee high?” Ashley asked walking up to me before we went on stage. I shook my head.

“No! She’s just… hyper,” I said slowly. She wasn’t high. I kept telling my self she wasn’t. She’s just hyper… She’s just hyper I said to my self.

We got on stage. The poor girl was acting high. She’s not high

I breathed heavily as I thought more and more about it as I played. She couldn’t be.

Delilah’s POV

I had eaten more of those cookies before we started and had another beer to go with it. I looked out into the crowd. They jumped and screamed. People were crowd surfing. I smiled. I got even more hyper and jumped around more.

During Helena I stopped jumping around. The lights we’re blinding me. The wild crowd slowed into a steady flow of people and slowly jumped up and down. Their mouths were open but I heard nothing coming out of them. I heard nothing at all. I looked around in panic. But soon I wasn’t able too look around. My vision had gotten to bury. I started feeling light headed too. I dropped down on my knees, and what seemed like It was happening so slowly happened quite fast as I fell.

I closed my eyes and breathed steadily in and out.

Gerard’s POV

“ When every star fall brought you to- Delilah?” I said as I stopped singing,

“Delilah… Whoa okay stop. Stop. Stop.”

I saw Frank throw his guitar off his body and run over to Delilah. I dropped my microphone and raced over to her myself. Mikey, Bob and Ray walked over too. Frank knelt down beside Dee’s head.

“Hey, Dee,” he said panicking a little. Delilah’s response was just breathing in and out.

“Guys give her some space,” I said as the stage crew rushed up to see what happened. This is the second show we had to actually stop for Delilah. I mean that’s fine it’s only the second for her. I know things like this happen… well not loosing consensus on stage for a reason no one else knows about… but like canceling shows. We’ve never had to stop right in the middle of one though and have to cancel it except for the… first concert… second concert we had when Dee had just moved in on the bus.

One of the stage crew members carried Delilah back stage we followed.

“Frank, I have to go tell every one that we have to end early,” I said. Frank nodded.

“Did you wanna make it?” I asked. Frank didn’t smiled but he got up.

“Only if you come with me,” He said. He couldn’t get back to see Delilah anyway.

“I will,” I replied. Frank and I went up on stage. The lights focused on the both of us. Frank bit his lip.

“Ugh Hi… Guys we’re really sorry but-“ Frank started but he stopped. He took a deep breath. What the heck is he doing?

Frank’s POV

“Delilah,” I continued after taking a short second to think of what I wanted to say, “Wouldn’t want to let you down… she’d tell us to keep playing. I promise you she only passed out she’ll be fine… And I know none of the guys are expecting this but. I say we continue this concert.”

I looked at Gerard. He looked confused.

“For Delilah,” I added.

“For Delilah,” Gerard said leaning over into the microphone.

“Every body,” Gerard said.

“For Delilah,” the crowd screamed. The show must go on, for Delilah.