All I'm Asking For is Love, But You Never Seem to Have Enough

I sat on the brown leather couch in the penthouse apartment that I shared with my boyfriend and stared out the large window at the illuminating Chicago skyline. The silence enveloped me like a blanket, but it had the opposite effect. This silence was cold and distant, a common occurrence in this apartment. At first, it was only like this when Patrick was on road trips. Now, this silence existed even when he was home.

It was 10pm in Chicago and the Blackhawk’s plane was due to land at 10:15, according to Patrick. But, for all I knew it could have landed an hour earlier and Patrick could be out at the bars right now. That had happened a few times before and the only reason I found out is because I was close friends with Kris Versteeg and he never lied to me. Patrick used to be honest with me, too. But, that was a long time ago.

---

I impatiently sat at the table in the small Italian restaurant tapping my perfectly French manicured nails on the smooth wood surface. Patience was never my finest quality and you would think my older brother would remember that. Yet, there I was waiting for him.

I flipped my sidekick open and began furiously texting my brother asking him if he had fallen in a storm drain on the way here. Pressing send, I closed my phone and set it back down. It was then that I finally noticed a shadow blanketing most of the table. Looking up, my gaze met with that of a guy about my age with clear blue eyes and short but curly blond hair.

“Can I help you?” I asked, quizzically looking over the guy standing on the other side of the table. He had a genuine smile fixed on his lips and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I was just wondering what a beautiful girl like you is doing sitting here all alone,” He asked me.

He was obviously laying it on pretty thick, but I couldn’t help but find it adorable.

“Oh, I’m just waiting for my brother. I’m meeting him for dinner and he’s late. Nothing new with him,” I said while twirling a piece of my brown hair and studying this guy. He looked really familiar but I couldn’t quite place him.

“You know, I try not to let my sisters out of my sight. If it was up to my dad and me, they’d be nuns.”

“Yeah,” I said while laughing, “I have 3 older brothers so I know how that goes.”

“And you’re still sitting here by yourself? You should remind them that any creeper could come up and talk to you.”

“You mean like you?” I said while leaning forward in my chair, my face resting in my hands, a coy smile playing across my lips.

He let out a hearty laugh at this and also leaned forward, his elbows resting on the back of the chair across from me.

“Touché. Well, I’m Patrick,” he stated while sticking out his hand for me to shake. “Patrick Kane.”

Suddenly it clicked. This guy was one of the new faces of the Chicago Blackhawks. He was expected to be the savior, to bring the team back from the depths of despair that was five years without a playoff run and 66 years without a Stanley Cup championship.

I nodded, indicating that I was familiar with him.

“I’m Mackenzie Larson. And my brother just walked in the door and is intensely staring at the back of your head.” I said, while waving to my older brother, Jack, who was waiting by the hostess stand. Patrick turned around to gaze at Jack, who just continued staring.

“Well, I guess that’s my cue. I am an older brother and I totally understand that he probably wants me to get the hell away from you.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. It was nice to meet you, Patrick. Thanks for keeping the creepers away from me,” I said while smirking at him.

“Anytime, beautiful. I’ll see you later.” Patrick threw me a wink before walking away.

I sat at the table in a daze, my heartbeat racing and I was only snapped out of it when I heard the chair legs scraping against the wood floor. I looked up to see Jack with a scowl decorating his face.

“What just happened between you and Patrick Kane?” He asked me.

I looked down at the napkin I was hiding in my lap that had Patrick’s number on it.

“Nothing,” I replied. “He was just being nice.”

---
I lay in Patrick’s and mine’s bed, staring at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 2:12 was lit up in bright red letters, mocking me as if to say, Oh look your boyfriend is late again. More times than not Patrick didn’t come straight home after a win. I wasn’t expecting tonight to be any exception.

Sleep never overtook me. About an hour later I heard the front door of our apartment open and close. I heard Patrick stumble around in the darkness making his way down the hallway. He came into the bedroom and kicked his shoes off. He shed his clothes, in a pile on the floor where I would find them in the morning. I acted as if I was asleep as he slid into bed behind me and immediately wrapped his arms around my waist. He pushed his face into the back of my neck and whispered, “Goodnight, beautiful. I love you.”

-2 months later-

I looked around the bedroom one last time making sure I had gathered everything that I owned. Coincidentally, this wasn’t much besides my clothes. Everything in this apartment was Patrick’s. And I didn’t want a part of it anymore. I couldn’t be a part of it anymore.

Satisfied, I rolled my last suitcase out into the hallway by the front door where it joined my other suitcase. Turning around I caught my reflection in the mirror that adorned the wall of the front hallway. My brown hair was thrown up into a sloppy bun and I had dark circles under my eyes. But, that was only physically. Emotionally, I was broken. I was in more pain that I’ve ever been in.

I walked into the kitchen, my feet dragging in my chestnut colored Ugg slippers, and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. I moved to the couch in the living room, sitting and waiting for Patrick like I had done so many nights before. He had a home game tonight and after the loss, I knew he’d be coming straight home.

About a half an hour later, I heard Patrick outside of the door, sticking his key in the look. He threw it open and then slammed it shut with such force that it shook the doorframe. He must have seen my suitcases at this point as his voice called out to me. “Mackenzie?” I didn’t answer the first time. “Mackenzie?!” He called out again, this time his voice sounding frantic and worried.

“I’m in the living room,” I said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear me. I was afraid that if I spoke any louder I’d break down into tears. The minute he walked into the living room, I could see the pained look in his blue eyes and I was guessing it matched the look in my own green eyes.

“Baby, why are those suitcases at the door?” He asked me, his tone of voice unsure, like a child’s.

I took a deep breath and turned my heads towards the sliding glass door that led to the patio. “I’m leaving, Patrick.”

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m moving out. I can’t do this anymore.” I said with a tone of finality in my voice.

“You can’t move out, baby. I need you!” He choked out. At this point we both had tears sliding down our cheeks.

I stood up from the couch and wiped the tears out of my eyes. “You may think you need me, but you don’t. And you sure as hell don’t want me anymore. Pat, you haven’t looked at me that way in a long time. I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been cheating on me. You don’t exactly try to hide it. But, you know what, I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just done.”

“Mackenzie,” he pleaded with me. “I was stupid, baby. You’re the only woman I need in my life. I’ll spend forever trying to convince you of that if I have to. Just please, don’t leave me.”

The tears came pouring out of my green eyes now, running down my cheeks. “I have to, Pat. I will always love you, but I can’t be with you anymore. It is physically breaking my heart.”

Patrick walked over to me and put his hands on either side of my face and wiped the tears away. We were both shaking at this point but the feel of his hands on my face immediately calmed me down. Patrick usually had that effect on me.

“Please, Mackenzie, I love you. I don’t think I know how to live without you,” he said. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I knew how to live without him either. We’d been together for over two years now and living together for over a year.

“I know, Patrick. I don’t think I know how to live without you either. But, I need to learn.”

Patrick closed his eyes and exhaled. He brought his lips to mine, giving me a sweet kiss, our tears mixing together. I pulled away first and leaned my forehead against his, my eyes closed, willing the tears to not come out. But, they did anyways. Patrick wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his Armani suit jacket. He rubbed my back, soothingly and periodically placed kisses on the top of my head. This was the boy I fell in love with. But, he was hardly ever around anymore. I pulled away from Patrick’s hold, finally ready to let go. I turned around and started to walk towards the door when Patrick grabbed my hand, immediately lacing his fingers with mine.

“Goodbye beautiful. Ti amo.” He stated simply, before letting my hand go. My heart swelled at the sound of him saying he loved me in Italian. That was the way I had told him I loved him for the first time. I gave Patrick one last sad smile and began walking towards the door. I rolled my suitcases out into the hallway and closed the door softly behind me. I let out a breath I was unaware I was holding. At 21 years of age, I was about to start my life over again without the one person that had been my constant for the last two and a half years.

-4 years later-

I fast-walked down the streets of downtown Chicago, my heels clicking on the pavement in a distinct rhythm. Every weekday I walked nine blocks to my office and every weekday I was late. Eventually I planned on figuring out how to get there on time. But, when you’re the most sought after event planner in all of Chicago, you don’t wait for people. People wait for you.

I pushed open the glass double doors of my office building and made my way into the elevator that would take me to the fifth floor. Stepping out I was immediately greeted by my assistant, Ella, with a 20oz bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper. I hated the taste of coffee so I started every day off with pop instead.

“Miss Larson, your only appointment today is due in 10 minutes. 3 year old girl’s birthday party.”

“Thanks, Ella. And seriously, if I have to tell to call me Mackenzie one more time I will hip check you through that glass door,” I pointed at it, while laughing.

I walked into my office and shut the door. Moving across the room, I sat down in my desk chair and immediately turned my computer on to check my email. A few minutes later I was interrupted by a knock on my door.

“Mackenzie, I’m sending your nine o’ clock in,” Ella called from the other side of the door.

I continued to finish typing up the email I was in the middle of as I heard the door open and close and two sets of feet shuffle across the carpet.

“Mackenzie?” I heard a familiar voice call.

I looked up from my computer screen and was met with those crystal blue eyes that were forever etched into my memory.

“Patrick,” I breathed out, letting my eyes scan over him. He still had those beautiful eyes and that baby face. His hair was kept short now and he had a few days worth of stubble around his mouth. Then my eyes scanned down about 4 feet to the little girl whose hand he was holding. His daughter. She was the spitting image of her father except she had eyes of liquid honey instead of crystal blue. She was dressed in a cute jean jumper with a Blackhawks t-shirt underneath it and she had the most infectious little smile that warmed my heart.

“Hi sweetheart,” I cooed at the adorable little girl. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Lily!” She exclaimed proudly.

“Well Lily, how would you like a lollipop?” I asked as I pulled a dum dum out of the jar on my desk. She squealed at this and immediately reached for it.

“Thanks!” She said, while sitting down happily in the plush leather chair in front of my desk. Patrick followed his daughter’s lead, sitting down in the other chair.

“I didn’t even realize you were the event planner we were coming to see. Her nanny made the appointment for us.” Patrick hadn’t taken his eyes off of me since he walked in the room. “You look amazing, by the way,” he stated simply. I gave him a small smile, feeling my cheeks heat up at the compliment and the way he was looking at me.

“Thanks. She’s a beautiful little girl, you know.” Patrick looked over at his daughter and smiled proudly.

“She can be a handful but I don’t know what I would do without her,” he said while ruffling Lily’s hair as she continued to happily suck on her lollipop.

“Where’s her mom?” I blurted out. My eyes got immediately wide after I finished my sentence, realizing that it was none of my business. Patrick chuckled at the look on my face which I’m sure was one of pure embarrassment.

“It’s okay. Things just didn’t work out between us.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said as I smoothed out my black pencil skirt. “Well, what do you say we plan a birthday party?” I asked. Lily excitedly clapped her hands at this and to be honest, I felt like doing the same thing.

About an hour later all the plans had been made for Lily’s third birthday party. From the venue, a beautiful park in downtown Chicago, to the entertainment, various hockey related activities. All of it was Lily’s idea and the fact that she kept asking how much longer until her birthday probably indicated that she was beyond excited.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Lily said, with a glimmer in her eyes.

“Okay, baby, we can go get some lunch now.” He said bending over to tie the shoelace that had come undone on his daughter’s black and pink Nikes. I couldn’t help but admire the view. In the last hour I had come to the conclusion that the cliché was right. Some things really do get better with age. As Patrick stood back up, I averted my gaze back to Lily, giving her a smile.

“Thank you Miss Mackenzie!” Lily said while holding her arms out. I walked around my desk, picking her up and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

“You’re welcome, honey. You make sure you’re good for daddy, okay?” I said, while setting her back down on the carpet. She nodded her head in response. I looked up to meet Patrick’s gaze and noticed he had a coy smile playing across his lips.

“What?” I asked, running a hand through my brown hair.

“How about you come to lunch with us?” Both Patrick and Lily had hopeful smiles on their faces. “Come on, Mackenzie, I heard your assistant say we were your only appointment today.” He stated.

“Yeah, come wif’ us!” Lily exclaimed, while bouncing on her heels. Between the two of them, I knew I couldn’t say no.

“Okay,” I conceded. Patrick smiled widely at this. “Let me just grab my stuff.” I walked around my desk and bent over to pick up my purse and jacket. Standing back up and turning around, I noticed Patrick’s gaze had been fixed on my backside. I rolled my eyes at him as he wiggled his eyebrows. He picked up Lily and we made our way out of the office building. Once outside, his left hand immediately found its way to the small of my back and I shivered at the contact. I turned to look at him, his crystal blue eyes sparkling.

And amid all the city sounds I heard Patrick say, “I missed you, beautiful.”

I gotta feel you in my bones again
I’m all over you
I’m not over you
I want to taste you one more time again
I’m all over you
I’m not over you.