Inclined to Recline

I figured that since I wasn’t going anywhere today, I didn’t need to do anything special with my look. Toby had told me I didn’t need to start back at work yet, so I showered and then changed into a pair of grey sweatpants, a white tank top and tied my wet hair into a ponytail.

I was sat in on the sofa in the living room, my legs curled under me, when my Mom finally made an appearance. I could tell last night that she was dying to speak to me about the whole situation, but she sensed that I wasn’t in the mood and so she left it be, but I guessed that was more down to Chris’ persuasion, not that I was complaining. (Chris is my Mom’s boyfriend; do you remember him taking her on a date last year some time? Well, I guess they liked each other...it’s getting pretty serious now.)

“So, what made you come home?” She asked, sitting down beside me and patting my knee with her hand, leaving it there afterwards in what she hoped would be a comforting way that would entice me to spill at her.

I shrugged, my arm stretched out in front of me to catch the sensor on the TV box, “I just missed you,” I answered, dropping the remote beside me, the TV now playing a rerun of One Tree Hill.

I could feel her eyes on me even as mine were on Nathan Scott running around in his Tree Hill Ravens basketball uniform, “Well I missed you too honey, but I wasn’t born yesterday,” I turned my head slightly so I could see her out of the corner of my eye, but not turned so much that she thought I really wanted to talk to her, “The messy hair, sweatpants...you haven’t dressed like that since about eighth grade so something is bothering you,”

I shrugged again, “its fine,” My eyes caught a tub in her hand and my head snapped round, enticed entirely by the sight of Oreo’s. “Are they for me?” I questioned, and then handed them over. Her gaze never wavered from me as I pulled the lid off of the blue tub, and it made me nervous so that I fumbled with the foil lid that I had to rip off under the yellow plastic one. “What?” I asked, being less than attractive with an Oreo crunching around in my mouth as I spoke.

“Talk to me,” My Mom said. When I just looked at her, she rolled her eyes and sighed, “Even Chris noticed it when you got back to the house, and he’s a man! You’re upset honey, and I’d put it down to being away from Nick but you decided to come home, and you haven’t even said his name, nor have you called him since you landed, so explain yourself missy,”

I locked eyes with her, attempting to make her step down with my gaze but it’s kind of hard to do that to a woman who’s already been through all of this with one daughter. Finally I broke eye contact and turned back to watching the TV as I mumbled, “We broke up,”

She was quiet for a moment, and I fought against the urge to look at her because I didn’t really want to see her reaction; it would only make everything make too real. When she finally spoke, she cleared her throat beforehand, and then the calmness in her voice was clearly strained, “Why is that?”

I licked my suddenly dry lips and played with a lose piece of cotton on my sweatpants, “It wasn’t meant to be,”

She made a noise in the back of her throat and then shook her head, “I don’t believe that for a second. You forget sometimes that I’m your mother, and I know you better than you know yourself.” She sighed, “And I know Nick just as well for that matter, and I know that that boy worships the ground you walk on and always has done. Whatever problems you’re having will work itself out in time,” She squeezed my knee reassuringly.

I was quiet for a minute but then said, “Whatever,”

She sighed and released her hold on my knee, before standing up, and taking a few steps away from me. I could hear the annoyance in her voice as she spun around and said, “Shut that thing up because I’m sick of it ringing now,” before chucking my phone down on the couch next to me.

I curled my feet up tighter beneath me and tuned back into the TV even as my phone started ringing again, but I ignored it, continuing watching the One Tree Hill episode on my screen. After it fell silent, it rang again with Nick’s ringtone, and although my heart pounded in my chest at the thought of hearing his voice, and my hormones did an excited little jig, I balled my hands into fists to stop myself from grabbing the phone.

I’d told him I wanted space, and space I would have. If I gave in to him, especially now when it had only been one day, then it would only go to show him that he could walk all over me, and that wasn’t an idea I wanted him to get from this whole situation.

The ringing doused into a beep that signalled a text, and I reached for the phone, figuring that I had to read it sometime and he would never know how fast I did. So I clicked ‘open’ with trembling fingers, and read what he had to say; Please speak to me; I just want to know that you got home okay and to tell you I miss you like crazy already. I can’t stop thinking about you being alone with Toby when you’re like this, and it hurts more than you can imagine. Please just answer my calls, or at least reply to this message. I love you.

My fingers froze over the touch screen buttons, toying with whether or not to reply. I decided I would, to put him straight and to bring an end to this; I know the feeling.

Then why did you leave? I messed up so bad on stage last night, if it wasn’t for Joe and Kevin we would have probably been kicked off the tour because of it. I can’t stop thinking about you, and him, and the fact that I pushed you away like I did.

My heart skipped a beat, and I gulped down tears that were threatening to rise; There’s nothing going on between me and Toby, so if that’s what is upsetting you then forget about it, because there is absolutely nothing. But I need time away from you Nick, and that isn’t going to happen with you calling me all the time.

I can’t bear not speaking to you.

I need time. And with that, I switched off my phone, threw back down on the couch, and let the tears fall freely.

**

I knew it wouldn’t take long for someone to come knocking, and at around six that night I heard the doorbell ring as I was laid on my bed on the phone to Julia. The boys were on stage, apparently, and she was bored without me and Toby there to talk to her at this time.

I didn’t move when the doorbell rang, knowing that my Mom, or Chris, or my Grandparents would get it. It was only a few minutes later when my door was opening, and a boy was walking backside first through it. I quickly said goodbye to Julia, placed my phone on my bedside table, and then sat and watched as he struggled to get into my room, both hands full. I smirked and then jumped up, opening the door for him properly so that he could walk in.

We had only a barks warning before Kenco bounded into the room and launched onto my bed. I giggled, and then turned to Tyler who smirked, “So I have brought chicken pizza and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I will be your shoulder to cry on when Dumbledore-” I gasped, “You know what’s.” He smirked, and then placed the stuff on my bed, leading to Kenco trotting over to sniff them curiously, “You can’t say no to the power of the Potter; I know you too well!”

I smiled, and then wrapped my arms around his neck. He froze for a minute and then chuckled, moving one around loosely around my waist. We stayed like that for a while until I stepped away from him. He picked up the DVD from the bed after stroking Kenco, and then moved over to my DVD player to put it in; kicking off his shoes and dropping his jacket on my inflatable chair as he did so. I got myself comfortable on the bed and stole a piece of pizza from the box, Kenco watching me eagerly so I broke a bit off the end and tossed it to him, and then he curled up at the end of the bed.

When Tyler joined me, he also grabbed a slice of pizza, and then I spoke, “So where is Toby?”

“Closing up,” He explained, “He called him and asked me to get the pizza and pick a movie, and said he’d call me when it was cool for him to come over. So of course I-”

“Came straight over here to piss him off.” I finished for him, giggling, and Tyler just shrugged, “He’s going to be so pissed,”

“He’ll get over it, besides he’s had lots of time with you over the last few weeks. I think I deserve my own little catch up, don’t you?” He asked and I nodded. That’s what I loved about Tyler; he didn’t push me to talk about anything I didn’t want too. It hadn’t escaped my notice that he hadn’t mentioned Nick once the whole time he was here, even by the time Toby arrived, his face like thunder; he still hadn’t said his name. It was nice and refreshing to have a break away from all the drama, which is exactly what Tyler was offering.

Toby was a different story.

He perched on the end of the bed when he arrived, glaring at Tyler, as he said, “Harry Potter? Do you really think that’s what she needs right now? To watch Harry and Ginny fall in love?” He shook his head, “You’re such an idiot, Tyler,”

I tried to hide my smirk as Tyler rolled his eyes, “She likes Harry Potter! It’s her favourite film, remember?” He argued and Toby’s glare hardened. “Besides, what did you want me to choose? Lord of the Rings?”

“I like Lord of the Rings,” I cut in, but it was clear neither of them were listening to me.

“Anything would have been better than this,” Toby snapped, “She doesn’t need to watch other people falling in love right now, do you not think she’s hurt enough?”

“Shut the fuck up Toby, you’re killing the mood,” Tyler responded.

I sighed and then yelled, “HEY, HEY!” They both went quiet and looked at me, “For the record, I love Harry Potter, and I really do want to watch it right now. Toby, I’m fine, thanks for the concern but you really don’t need to tiptoe around me, okay? I just went everything to be back to normal, so if you can’t do that for me then you can just leave,” My gaze locked with his and his glare for Tyler evaporated immediately. He slowly nodded, and a smile spread across my face. “Good, now get up,” I patted the bed beside me and he kicked off his shoes, dropped his jacket on top of Tyler’s, and then sat down beside me, “I need a cuddle,” I announced, snuggling into his side and dropping my hand into Tyler’s that was resting comfortably on his knee. I felt myself relax again as Toby’s arm came to rest around my shoulder, and then we settled to watch the rest of the film.

For the record, yes I did cry...a lot.