Pure Morning

18

"Wow, you came," wiL said and continued wildly grinning.

"Yeah, here I am," Jenna quietly responded, slightly looking down.

She felt awkward and didn't know quite what to say to justify her random visit after a month of not seeing or speaking to him. Looking at him now felt different and tentative, given the situation she was about to place herself in. If she were to go through with it, that would mean having an attachment to wiL for the rest of her life. Did she really want to alter her life in that manner? And once everything was settled, she knew she would wind up dealing with the remorse of knowing everything to be a lie. Waking up to wiL every morning and knowing she had initiated everything with the biggest lie she ever told. The thought alone made her stomach churn with butterflies.

"So that means you got all my texts," he suddenly said after intently looking at her.

"Yeah, I saw them."

"Well then why didn't you answer?" he asked, a worried expression over his features.

"I guess I just wasn't ready to talk to you. The way you left that night and how you just stopped talking to me really got to me. I waited a while to hear from you that when I finally did, I let anger take over."

"I don't know what I was thinking when I stupidly broke contact with you like that. I felt our relationship was getting too tense and felt we both needed to take a break from it. But wow, now that I'm finally looking at you, I realize how great you are more than ever. You look beautiful," he said and gently stroked Jenna's cheek with the back of his hand.

She closed her eyes and put her hand over his, letting out a small sigh.

"I've really missed you. Can I come in?" she said and lightly kissed his hand as it stroked her cheek.

"Oh yeah, sorry for leaving you out there. Just got caught up looking at you. Feels like years," he said and closed the door behind him.

"Why do you say that?" she said as she looked around.

"You look sort of different, I guess."

Jenna froze and slightly turned her head.

"Different? As in how?" she nervously asked, bagging her shirt out to conceal her belly.

"It's a good different so don't worry. You look radiant, you could say. Like, healthier than the last time I saw you. Guess the time away from me served you well," he joked and walked closer towards her, slipping his arms around her waist.

"Oh come on, I was pretty miserable without you. Just ask Stacey. I thought you had forgotten about me or something," she said and casually slipped away from his grasp.

Her paranoia didn't even let her feel comfortable when he got closer. As if he would know she was pregnant just by touching her. She had to let go of the nerves if she was going to go through with everything. wiL grabbed her hand, causing her to face him and pulled her into a kiss.

"I could never forget you, babe," he said and gently put a strand of hair behind her ear.

Jenna stayed silent for a few seconds as she contemplated on what to do next. The moment had come and there could be no retracting from it. It wasn't like she didn't want to have intercourse with wiL. It was actually the contrary; she felt a grand surge of desire towards him and really wanted to do so. It was just the circumstance that made her feel extremely uneasy. She also knew she would end up feeling paranoid being naked in front of wiL. He would probably notice an abnormality and question her about it. Then again, her abdomen really hadn't undergone any prominent changes due to her short term so wiL probably wouldn't think anything of it. The more she looked at him, the more she wanted to let herself go and forget about everything. She then leaned forward and began kissing his neck, slightly pressing on his chest, indicating for them to walk backward toward the bedroom.

As the made their way, Jenna focused on seductively kissing wiL everywhere she could. She didn't want him to back out for any reason. She felt him rise with excitement from under his pants as she lay on top of him once on the bed. She separated her face from his for a brief moment and moved her hands towards his pants, clumsily unbuttoning them and jerking the zipper down. She then got on her knees in front of the bed, and tugged his pants down to his ankles, nervously exhaling as she got back on top of him. Jenna felt wiL's hands rub down the length of her shirt as he searched for the bottom of it. He rapidly slipped it over her head, hands now roaming up her back for her bra. Jenna felt a rush of pleasure as she felt wiL gently nibble on her breasts while simultaneously undoing her pants. She now felt herself forgetting about all her daily problems and succumbing to the moment.

Whatever was to happen afterward, only time would tell. After all, wasn't that was wiL was for? To be the father of her baby. There was really nothing to worry about. Jenna knew she would never see Brian again, let alone even get the chance to speak to him. So he definitely would never find out about their child. And as Stacey said, everyone would naturally assume wiL to be the father, himself included. So why was she so paranoid about everything? Once each item of clothing lay scattered on the floor, Jenna saw wiL reach into the night stand drawer, rummaging for something.

"What are you looking for?" she whispered while leaning on his back.

"This," he said and pulled a rubber out.

"No," she said and took it from his hand.

"But shouldn't we use a condom? Just to be on the safe side," he said and reached out towards her.

"Don't worry, babe. I've got it all taken care of. We don't need this," she said and flung the condom to the ground.

"Taken care of? Are you on the pill or something?" he curiously asked.

"Just come here and trust me," she said and pulled him over her.

She saw him grin as he disregarded the fact she had refused to use protection. They rolled from side to side across the bed until they both lost control and simultaneously fell off the corner.

"Damn it," Jenna muttered and began wildly laughing as she maintained a firm grasp on wiL's back.

"Fuck the bed. Down here it's way better," he lowly said and then made his way inside her.

His thrusts were smooth and rapid. Nowhere near as painful as the ones she experienced with Brian. Of course that was her first time so it was bound to hurt. She gripped harder at his back and wound her legs around him as she felt herself reach her climax. He then abruptly extracted and put his head on Jenna's chest, heavily panting. They both remained silent for a few moments, each regaining their breath. There, it had been done. Now everything was set up to get her life back on track and everything would be believable. She really did disgust herself at the moment. Not like she hadn't disgusted herself before with her grotesque drug and drinking habits, but somehow what she was doing now went beyond all of that. Hopefully she wouldn't spend the rest of her life thinking about how she had placed herself in the situation and had basically thrown the responsibility over wiL.

They had barely crossed a word since having engaged in their heated intercourse. Jenna, for reasons of remorse; she couldn't stop her thoughts from going back and forth, regarding her chain of lies. wiL, well she actually didn't know why he hadn't spoken much. His enduring silence was beginning to make Jenna feel nervous. As the car approached her house, Jenna unbuckled her seat belt and looked towards wiL as he parked the car near the curb. He pulled a joint out of his pocket and lit it, momentarily glancing at Jenna.

"Want a drag?" he asked and held the roach near her.

For a brief moment, she felt tempted and took the joint, moving it to her lips. But then she thought about the baby growing inside of her. She desperately wanted not to care and live life the way she always had, but something inside her told her the best thing to do was to take care of herself from here on out.

"Actually, I think I'll pass," she quietly said and handed it back to him.

"That's a first," he scoffed and took a long drag.

Jenna held her breath as the smoke circulated the inside of the car, clouding her vision.

"You know, there's been something on my mind for a little bit," he suddenly said and began curiously looking at her.

"What is it?" she hesitantly asked, not liking the edgy sound in his voice.

"You're not a virgin, are you?" he said and took another long drag.

"Well not anymore, I'm not," she replied and gave a sarcastic chuckle, a weak attempt at maintaining her cool.

"No, I mean before what happened between us tonight. You weren't a virgin," he said and gave her a hard look.

"What are you talking about? wiL, you're offending me," she nervously said, trying to conceal her trembling fingers.

"I don't know, you just felt too wide. I didn't have to struggle at all to get inside you. Like someone's been inside you before," he muttered and looked the other way.

"Whoa, you better watch what you fucking say! I was a virgin before tonight so you have no reason to be saying that shit to me, insinuating I'm some kind of whore who gets around. Since you obviously seem to know a girl's anatomy so well, it seems you're the one who's gotten around," Jenna said and stayed silent, thinking of what else she could say to lay him off his suspicion.

"How many?" she suddenly questioned.

"How many, what?"

"Girls. How many have you been with? Wouldn't be surprised if it's a lot. I mean, you are a guy and in your 20's already. Probably all sorts."

"Look, that doesn't concern you, Jenna. Don't go trying to turn this on me. All I did was ask a simple question. No need to get so fucking defensive about it. That attitude just leads me to think there has indeed been a guy before me. Or two..."

"Can you shut the fuck up and drop it already? I was a virgin before having sex with you tonight. I don't see why you have to keep questioning me about it!"

"Okay fine, then drop your pants," he sternly said.

"Excuse me?" Jenna said in disbelief.

"Yeah, you said tonight was your first time, so there should be some spotting in your underwear. Drop your pants and let me see."

"You know what? Fuck you, wiL. I can't believe you," she angrily said and got out, harshly slamming the car door.

She then heard the slamming of a second car door and footsteps rapidly ascending from behind her.

"Whoa, wait up," wiL said and grabbed her hand.

"What the Hell do you want now? Are you gonna keep telling me what a whore I am?" she said and snatched her hand from his.

"Okay, I realize what I said was way out of line. I apologize," he said and gave her an apologetic look.

"Yeah well you really offended me. I guess you don't trust me very much," she said on the verge of tears.

"No, no, babe. It's not that. It's just that I guess I'm paranoid since we spent those weeks apart. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry."

"So you believe me now? You don't think there were any other guys before you?"

"Of course I believe you. I know there weren't any guys before me. Sorry for saying such stupid things," he said and embraced Jenna in a warm, tight hug.

"I love you, wiL. I really do. I just don't want you to doubt that."

"Don't worry, I don't. I hope you don't doubt of me. After all the stupid shit I said," he said and pressed his lips against her forehead.

"I don't. I really love you. But yeah, I have to go inside now. Wouldn't want my parents seeing us like this. I had a really great time with you, wiL."

"Yeah babe, so did I. Let's repeat this soon, alright? I'll text you later. Oh, want me to drive you to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. Just like old times," she said and widely smiled.

"But seriously, I have to go. I'll see you later," she said and kissed him.

"Now go!"

She then quietly walked towards the entrance of the house, unable to contain the smile on her face. But on the other hand, she felt nervous about wiL's questioning her virginity. He wasn't stupid, he noticed she had been with another man before. But hopefully he had believed her and wouldn't find reason to doubt her ever again. As she opened the door, she saw her 'family' sprawled out across the living room, watching a movie.

"Well, look who's here. Took you a while. Where were you?" her mom asked and stood up.

"Oh no. Don't mind me. Just keep watching the movie," she said and noticed Josie giving her an odd look.

"Where were you?" her mom insisted.

"I was just over at Stacey's house, going over some homework. Jeeze."

"Are you sure, Jenna? You weren't with that wiL guy, were you? You know how we feel about that issue."

"Mom, do you want me to put Stacey on the phone so she can confirm what I'm telling you?"

"You don't have to have an attitude with me. It was just a question. Are you hungry? There's some leftover dinner in the refrigerator," she suggested.

"No, it's fine. I had some food at Stacey's place. I'm actually pretty tired right now so I'm gonna head upstairs to bed. Night, everyone," she said and shot a bitter look at Rick, who seemed to completely disregard her presence. No, her existence.

His eyes remained glued to the television all throughout.

Once up in her room, Jenna felt her stomach rumble as she sat on her bed. She was actually starving. She just didn't want to spend time with any of them. She figured she'd just get some food once they all headed to bed. At the moment, she just wanted to be alone to center her thoughts; how she would go about doing things from this point forward. She suddenly remembered the napkin Steve had given her. She dug in her pocket, pulling it out and unfolding it. It was a phone number, his most likely. Did he really expect her to contact him? Sure, he seemed like a really down to earth guy and was part of her favourite band, but she definitely couldn't involve herself in anymore troublesome situations. She had gotten far enough. Her life was already a mess. She looked at the number for a moment before setting it down. She definitely wouldn't be calling Steve.

Instead, she grabbed her phone and sent Stacey a text.

"I did it."