If It Keeps You Around Then I'm Down

It was safe to say that Jack had been avoiding me for the past two weeks. We were finishing up tour and I was packing to fly back to Tempe to start the semester there. I had kept in touch with John and all of the Maine, excited when Katie told me that she and Kennedy were moving in together, which basically put me out in the streets, but excited none the less. Alex promised to visit and bring Jack with him, but I didn’t even know where Jack was right now.

I looked out on to the Virginia sunset, packing my last scrap of clothing into my duffle bag and rearranging my hoodie in my backpack. Boarding pass, check. Driver’s license, check. I had everything I needed except my mysterious boyfriend. Finally we left the hotel, this was a day off for All Time Low, but everyone else was still playing at a venue downtown, so I had said goodbye to the Meg and Dia band, exchanging numbers and promising to keep in touch.

“Jack, you lazy mother fucker! Drive your girlfriend to the airport!” I heard Zack yell, I was a little confused why he was yelling it and Jack’s aversion to me. Suddenly it dawned on me, Jack was acting like a puppy that had done something wrong. Guilt, he’s going to have to tell me eventually, but I swear to God if he breaks up with me in a fucking airport I will kill him. I heaved my bag over my shoulder and held tightly on to my belongings following the yelling to the room next to Alex’s, Jack’s and mine. All Time Low had successfully graduated to two rooms, when we weren’t driving overnight.

“What’s up?” I asked peering around the corner, I saw Jack looking distraught and Zack with his friendly vein popping out of his forehead in frustration. “Oh, but when I said ‘what’s up’ I actually meant what the fuck, because I’m pretty sure the whole hotel can hear you.” I joked and Zack let out a sigh and finally left the room, just Jack and I for the first time in days.

“I’m coming, just give me a minute,” He said pulling a hoodie over his arms and zipping up the middle. I stopped him from moving past me and he turned his face to avert my eyes. It wasn’t a glare or a look, just sadness and curiosity of his behavior pouring out of my eyes. I brought my hand to his cheek, gently forcing his face to meet mine. He let out a tiny chuckle, which relieved me a little, “your hands are cold.”

“Sorry,” I said dropping them to my side feeling defeated. I looked at the stained ugly carpet beneath us, Jack’s long legs stretching above mine, sprouting from black and silver dunks. I looked up again, tears lining my eyes. Part of me wanted to smack him in the face and force honesty out. The other wanted to pretend nothing wrong, get a flight and sob the entire way. “Jack, you know you can tell me anything right?” I said, my big brown eyes looking into his.

“Yeah, we better go, you’ll miss your flight,” He said brushing me off and continuing out the door. I sighed; coming to the realization he was going to wait to the last possible moment to do whatever he was going to do. I muttered ‘yeah’ under my breath and followed him out where Rian gave me a gigantic bear hug to make up for the lost time about to be had. Alex and Zack wrapped their arms around me after taking my luggage and we filed into the van. Matt was helping out Meg and Dia just to keep things running smooth since he was the dominate tour manager.

“I wish I had little kids to sing the goodbye song from The Sound of Music,” Alex said looking into the rearview mirror smiling at me. I let out a boisterous laugh and Zack hit him from the passenger seat and told him he sounded like a pedophile while the rest of us nodded in agreement.

“You do indeed,” I said between teary laughs. Jack remained pensively silent from the back row and I felt his eyes burning a whole into me. I went through the motions of checking in and we made our way to the terrifyingly short airport security line. I felt my heart speed up with the anticipation of Jack pulling me aside and making up some bullshit reason to break up with me.

I cackled, the most embarrassing cackle, as Rian hoisted me and my backpack over his shoulder while I dropped my boarding pass, and driver’s license trying to grasp on to him. Jack picked them up and followed us only partially amused and fully preoccupied.

“I’m gonna miss you Chief Running Water,” I said patting his back. We had established nicknames and that if we were in Revolutionary America, Rian would be a native American, Alex would be a redcoat, Jack would be a male prostitute, Zack a legendary cricket player and I, an aristocrat who was secretly hiding people and thwarting the brits.

“Me too, Madame FancyLastName,” I laughed and hugged him again. After addressing everyone and being tackled to the ground by Alex who felt like he had to sit on top of me to properly say goodbye, Jack walked up. He handed me all my belongings I had dropped earlier. Rian, Zack and Alex all exchanged looks and drifted away.

“Jack, I know there’s something wrong, but I really wish you would tell me,” I said tears lining my eyes, my heart hardening to prepare for his blow. It melted right back down when Jack grabbed me and held me in his arms, he cheekbones hard against my hair. I took in his scent and let a tear fall. “Just do it,” I whispered, the fear and hurt unavoidable in my voice.

“Do what?” Jack asked standing up confused, I wiped away my tear and collected myself. I gave him a condescending look straightening up my back and adjusting my backpack straps.

“If you’re going to break up with me, just do it,” I said confidently. He wouldn’t be able to see that I was terrified of the moments ahead, and not knowing what was going to happen. He let out a soft chuckle that both put me at ease and on edge. I cocked my head subconsciously and looked insulted. “Why is that funny? There’s no ladies here to give me fighting cat tissues!” I said raising my voice, a little anger coming through.

“Fight cat tissues?” Jack asked and I shook my head realizing that only John would get that. He adjusted me close and rested his head on my forehead. Which must have strained his neck quite a bit and looked into my eyes with vulnerability, “I’ve been trying to tell you this for weeks, but it never felt… right,” I nodded along mesmerized and wondering where this was going.

“Yeah?” I asked desperately seeking elaboration. I didn’t know whether to mount him right there or slap him across the face and never speak to him ever again. Get plastic surgery, come back home looking hot and make him rue the day, but I was getting ahead of myself.

“Ava, I love you,” he rushed out, shielding himself from my reaction. The security guard cleared his throat and I kissed him hard, I whispered back, ‘I love you too,” He lifted me up into a kiss and I had never felt this kind of passion from Jack even when we were doing much more sexual things.

“Shit, I have to go. Nice timing Jackass,” I smirked. Handing the security guard my ticket and he gave me a sympathetic smile. Jack stood on his tippy toes looking on the entire security process staring at me until I got out and waved, blowing him a kiss.

“I still love you even though you called me a jackass!” He yelled, patrons walking past me gushing about how they wish their husbands or boyfriends would do that. I blushed and tucked a piece of hair in my ear. My heart was more than elated, I was completely enamoured, smitten and on every clichéd cloud out there.

“I still love you even though I have to get on a plane and be thousands of miles away from you!” I called back and checked my phone. The P.A. overhead announced my flight was boarding, I moved my feet in a hurry as if it would do something. I saw Jack muttering something to the security guard, who looked around and nodded. Jack came running through and kissed me again. His tongue tangled with mine and finally the P. A. came on again for final boarding call.

“I have to go,” I whispered sadly. He nodded and kissed my forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered matching my tone and stealing on more kiss on my lips.

“I love you too,” I smiled before jogging off and making my flight just in time. I sat silently, pondering what the hell had just happened and finally landing at Arizona a smile broadened on my face. We didn’t have to be right next to each other because we loved each other. And that love would give us all the strength we needed.