Here, Here, and Here

As soon as the trip started I fell asleep. Last time I hated this part of the pregnancy. I was sick all the time and I was always tired. I had to be careful about what foods and smells I was around because randomly throwing up would give away our little secret.

I was woken up by the vibration of my cell phone receiving a new text. I stayed lying down and reached blindly for it. I found it in the cup holder where I left it. ’r u on ur way??’ it read. I looked at the sender. Bill. I responded with a text saying something like ‘be patient’ or something, I didn’t pay much attention. I look up and see Tom looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“What?” I ask readjusting myself so I’m lying on my left side, the preferred side of pregnant women everywhere.

“How did you know that that thing went off?” he says his eyes focused on the road again.

“What do you mean?” I say deciding to sit back up. I’m not going to get back to sleep now.

“I mean you were knocked out cold and I didn’t even know it was going off” he looks at me straight on this time, but he quickly turns his head back to face the road.

“So why is Caoimhe staying at your mom’s tonight?” I say changing the subject.

“She’s staying there so we can all go out tonight” tom says, a smile in his voice.

“What do you mean go out?” I say getting nervous.

“I mean the six of us are probably going to dinner tonight” he started, “and then we are all for sure going out to a club later.”

“Tom I can’t” I say a little surprised by his stupidity.

He understands what I mean, but come back at me, “You’ll be fine as long as you don’t drink and take it a bit easy.” He turns back to the road, ending the conversation.

“Hey” he says as an afterthought, “Grab a CD and put it in.”

I look up at his car visor and grab a CD at random. I pop it in and it starts to play.

Halfway through the first song I start to block everything out and get lost in my thoughts. My mind drifts back to our conversation about going out tonight.

After about fifteen minutes of being trapped in my own mind tom snaps me out of it.

He reaches over the center console and gently grabs my hand, “Hey, if you don’t want to go tonight we don’t have to.”

“What makes you think I don’t want to go?” I twist my hand so it fits comfortably in his.

“You had this worried look on your face” he takes his other hand of the wheel gor a second and makes a circle motion around his face.

“I was just thinking” I stare out of the window as the outside world moves by slower than it really is.

“About?” he prompts.

“Nothing really, I’m just nervous” I continue to stare out the window only this time I try not to let my eyes focus on something. The small trees and overgrown bushes seem to speed up.

“About the baby?” he asks concern in his voice. I can tell he’s nervous. He has less experience than I do.

My eyes are still staring out the window but now I’m starting to get sick. I spot a small rest stop not too far ahead and I think I can make it.

“Tom! Pull over! Now!!” I yell and he swerves for the rest stop, lurching me to the side making my stomach turn even more. Before he’s even fully stopped I’ve got the car door open and am ready to step out. He comes to a complete stop and I jump out of the car and run for a bush near the car. I empty my stomach onto the ground and then take a few steps away and slump against the tire of the car. I ignore the absence of Tom and just enjoy the cool breeze hitting my upturned face.

“Here” Tom sits down next to me. I open my eyes and see him holding a water bottle that he had gotten from the vending machine by the bathrooms. I take it from him and uncap it. I take a sip and swish it around in my mouth, trying to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. I spit it onto the ground and lay my head on Tom’s shoulder. He slips a hand and arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. I close my eyes and bury myself into his chest. We stay like that for a minute or two.

“I also got you this” he says handing me a Dr. Pepper. He knows that Dr. Pepper is the only thing that settles my stomach. I take a few slow sips, my head still against him.
“Are we good now?” he asks looking down at my face.

“Yeah” I say tiredly. Throwing up takes a lot out of you and I just puked up an empty stomach.

I slowly get into the car and he eases his Escalade back onto the highway. We stay silent for a few more minutes until Tom brings up our previous conversation.

“So what were you nervous about?”

“Going to the club tonight” I state absently.

“I thought we talked about that. If you take it eas . . .” I cut him off.

“No, it’s not that that I’m nervous about. I . . . it’s just . . .” I stutter.
“It’s just what?” he asks getting desperate.

“I haven’t been to a club with you and I don’t want to watch you be you at a club” I say meekly. As soon as it’s out of my mouth I feel stupid.

“What do you mean me be me at a club?” he’s confused now.

“I mean drinking and partying and dancing with girls” I list off the things I had seen and heard. I continue, “I just don’t think I can handle watching that right now, maybe another time but not now.”

“Baby” he grabs my hand and pulls it to him, “You know I won’t get drunk, I promised you I wouldn’t. And now I’m promising you that I won’t dance with another girl other than you. I don’t know what would make you think that I would want to dance with a girl other than the one who is the mother of my kids.”

“I know it’s just the seeds of doubt” I say as I squeeze his hand and lay down to go back to sleep