Here, Here, and Here

“Personally I was offended when that lady called me a teenager” Georg said as we all walked out of the restaurant, “I am twenty-one thank you very much!”

“Oh what a bitch” I say sarcastically.

“She was a bitch though” Bill pipes up, fighting his way between Tom and I, wrapping his arms around our shoulders.

“What the hell Bill?” Tom says trying to get Bill out of the middle. Instead of helping Tom move Bill I wrapped my arm around Bill’s waist and continued walking to the Escalade.

“Nope” Tom said ducking from Bill’s arm and grabbing my hand.

“What?” I ask raising my eyebrows.

“We’re not going in the Escalade” he says dragging my down the sidewalk.

“Then what are we going in your Audi?” I ask joking.

He stops and hits a button on his keys. Across the street a small car’s lights flash.

“Yep.”

“Hell no, hell no, hell no” I say repeatedly, “No way in mother fucking hell am I getting in that bitch Tom!” I take a few threatening steps towards him. I look back at his Audi and my mind starts to think about it and the natural reaction starts to take over.

I back up in the direction of the building wall, my breath getting shorter and shorter. I can feel my hands getting clammy and my jaw start to quiver. I was getting sick to my stomach and I wanted to scream.

I suddenly feel strong, broad hands grab my arms right below my shoulders and give them a comforting squeeze. They gently guide my to the wall and I soon feel its cold stone and embrace the feeling.

“Look at me” I hear Tom say. He sounds . . . away, not far away, but not close either. He continues to talk to me, getting closer with each syllable, “Eibhlin, come on focus.”

How could I focus with him calling my Eibhlin, he never calls me that.

“Avy!”

Ah that’s better.

I open my eyes and look directly at him, my breathing still fast and short. My palms are all sweaty and I can feel my legs shaking a bit, ‘When did that start?’

“What?” I ask tiredly and slightly annoyed at his yelling.

He looks at me with a slightly relieved look on his face. It should be a guilty look, he’s the one that made this happen.

“Do you love me?” he asks.

What a stupid question.

“Ja” I say to winded to retort with what I’m thinking.

“Say it” he demands.

I mentally roll my eyes at him, “Ich liebe dich.”

“And I love you. That’s why I would never hurt you and never put you in harms way” he says rubbing my shoulders.

“Yeah but my mother loved me too” I say. I take a deep breath, fighting flashbacks of my worst nightmare.

“And she still does” Tom says leaning closer to me, “That’s why she’d want you to get in the car.”

“Tom” I whine putting my head on his shoulder.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes” this time I say it in English. This just shows how emotionally drained I am; I’ve resorted back to English.

“Say it” Tom says this in English. He can tell that I don’t want to deal with mentally translating things, even if I’ve been speaking those things for over five years straight.

“I trust you” I say, still in English, “But why does it have to be your Audi?”

“What’s wrong with my Audi?” he asks in German, slightly offended.

“It’s what my dad would call a death trap” I say, exasperated.

“That’s only with stupid people driving it” he smiles, “Am I stupid?”

“Yes” I say getting my energy back, “Would you like me to say that too?”

“No” he snorts. He then kisses me on the forehead and says, “Will please just get in the car?”

“Do I have to?” I whine.

“Yes, or your walking to the club” he says crossing his arms.

I close my eyes and take a step closer to the super fast, super hot, super dangerous Audi. I get to the end of the side walk I choke.

“I can’t do it!” I say turning to go back to the comfort of the hard building. Instead I turn right into Tom and as comforting as he may be on a normal basis I really don’t want him in my way right now.

“Yes you can!” he says and before I can move or make a sound he’s picked me up and is carrying me bridal style towards his car.

“Tom put me down” I hit him hard on the chest.

“Ooph” he says when I hit him, “Will you stop that or I’ll drop you in the middle of the road.”

“Please?” I whimper.

“You love me and you trust me” he says looking dead ahead although his voice is laced with care, “I will make sure this is the safest car ride you’ve ever had and I promise you you will survive it.”

He stands by the passenger side door and puts me down. He opens the door like a gentlemen and I just stand there with my arms crossed, pouting.

“Eibhlin Kristina” he says with warning.

“Whoa” I say taken aback, “The middle name!”

“Yep, it works. I’ve used it with Keevie a few times” he says proud of himself.

“Ah, aren’t you the proud Poppa?” I say squeezing his cheek.

He rolls his eyes, “Just shut up and get in the car!”

I take a deep breath and slide into the passenger seat. My breath automatically starts to speed up.

“Breathe, breathe” I chant to myself.

“Try singing a song” Tom suggests, “Don’t tell the guys this, but that’s what I do before a show if I’m super nervous.”

I have my eyes closed as I search my mind for a song to calm me down. I hear him shut the door and all of a sudden I feel claustrophobic. I let out a whimper and then I feel him slide into the seat next to me. He places his hand on my knee. I take my hand, put it under his, and squeeze like my life depended on it.

“Try singing” he suggests again.

I shake my head, “Will you sing for me?”

He squeezes my hand and starts to sing Rain by Breaking Benjamin. My breath starts to steady and my heart rate slows. I feel every muscle in my body relax. Tom starts the Audi as he steadily sings the chorus.

“Rain, rain go away
Come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun”