Bulletproof

The first thing I noticed when I woke up to my alarm screaming was that I was alone. Curious, I sat up and grabbed Ville’s tee shirt from the night before and slipped it on before sliding out of bed and grabbing my phone. Instantly the smell of sandalwood and fresh tobacco surrounded me in a comforting manner.

“Ville?” I called out hesitantly, peering out of the bedroom towards the bathroom. I didn’t hear a reply. In fact, I didn’t hear anything, not a single sign of life. Where’d he go? My mind started to panic. I dipped into his office; my only response was the motion activated scent diffuser letting out a pitiful wheeze. I glanced down at my phone and saw a message from Missy, asking if we were up. I typed a quick reply and continued my search.

“Babe?” I said aloud, making my way downstairs, checking in the den. The afghan had been neatly replaced on the back of the couch and the DVD was back on the rack, removing all trace of our evening activity.

I padded into the kitchen, the pizza boxes gone, and dishes neatly put away into the cabinets. I tried to ignore the dull ache growing in my chest as I sat at the counter to think. I didn’t like how devoid of life the house seemed suddenly.

Looking down, I noticed an envelope with my name written on the front in Ville’s handwriting. My mind instantly flashed to the last time I’d come across one of his notes and I tried to ignore the dread spreading through my body. Picking it up with shaking hands I opened it,

"I thought I was strong enough and I’m not. I won’t hurt you further.
I’m so sorry.
Yours,
Ville"

I let the piece of paper fall from my hands and watched as it drifted lazily to the floor. I couldn’t even process what I’d just read.

Did he just break up with me?

I lifted my hand to my face and noticed my fingers came back wet. I hadn’t even noticed the tears that were streaming from my eyes. The realization hit me in huge waves now and I let out a cry, allowing the ocean of emotions to swallow me whole.

I felt abandoned and used. Was this his plan all along? Did he get what he wanted and leave?

Suddenly the scent of his shirt made me ill, and I weakly did my best to pull it off and threw it across the kitchen. I watched it slide haphazardly on the grey floor, stopping once it hit the fridge. I choked out another sob as I wrapped my arms around my knees as I drew them up to myself, trying to make myself as small as possible as the loneliness set it. I had to do my best to swallow the lump in my throat that threatened to choke me as I grabbed my phone with unsteady hands and dialed the only person I could think to call. She answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” her voice was still half asleep.

“Missy…” I croaked, barely able to get her name out of my mouth before losing my ability to speak due to the onslaught of fresh tears.
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I sat on the plane next to Dunn who was already asleep, headphones in my ears blaring music as I looked out into the wintery morning. The stormy grey sky was an endless turmoil of steel colored clouds and falling snow.

By now I had dried my face, my eyes a puffy mess which couldn’t be helped. Missy had quite literally exploded when she and Bam made it to Ville’s after I called her. It had taken me and Bam to keep her from throwing a brick through one of his windows once we had gotten my things together and were leaving.

Once we were in the air, I got a text from Bingo.

“When are you gonna be home?! You’re gonna be up to your eyes in homework my dude ☹ “

I replied and turned my phone off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. I needed time to process and I was thankful the flight would take twice as long to get home as it did to get to this godforsaken wintery Hell.

I relaxed into my seat and turned up my music, letting the voice of Dani Filth blare into my brain so loudly I couldn’t think.