Pushing My Limits

My hands felt clammy as I silently arose from my bed. I stopped in my steps and listened for any one that was awake. Hearing nothing but the ocean waves, I tip-toed out of the room and into the hallway. It was eerily dark. I could hear Zacky sleeping in the room across from mine, with Gena with him. Alex was in the guest room next to me and Chris was downstairs.

I walked quietly down the staircase, hoping nothing would creak. After a long journey of careful steps, I had reached the bottom and stood in the living room. I could see Chris' room clear from here, and I knew his window faced the dock. I panicked for a few seconds, then pushed any feelings aside and moved towards the sliding door that led outside.

After reaching the deck safely, I shut the door behind me and quickly walked down the steps to the beach. I was dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans, since I hadn't changed into pajamas before going to bed. I walked across the sand, moonlight glistening off the water. The sand was like diamonds as the shells illuminated under the stars. It was beautiful to say the least.

I made the short distance to the dock. I should be out of earshot now, but to be careful I didn't make a sound. I slipped off my slippers, leaving on my socks, and pulled the sweatshirt over my head. I left them on the sand and checked my jeans for anything that I wouldn't want to take with me.

I walked along the wooden dock, making my way towards the edge. I took in a deep breath and let memories flood back to me.

"I don't care anymore, Val! What does it take to make you understand that I don't love you anymore!" Dad screamed as I listened to the horrific conversation.

"You know what, Matt, see if I care! Just don't feel sorry when you wake up tomorrow and me and Kathrine are gone!" Mom screamed back.

"We already had this conversation. Go ahead and leave me, but you won't take my daughter away," Dad growled.

Dad had won that battle. He had fought and fought for me, and now I'm doing this. Life sure wasn't fair.

"Awe, is little Kathrine sad because she didn't get the solo?" Millie mocked in my face as I sat in the corner, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You only got it because your dad is funding the show," I snapped and she laughed.

"Yeah, and what has your dad done, Kathrine?" She scoffed, "Your dad is nothing but a stupid joke. He swears he's so cool because his in some rock band. I don't even know the name of it!" She grinned evilly, "I think you're lying about everything. I don't think you even have a dad."

"Don't say that!" I growled and she smiled.

"That's it isn't it! Awe, poor Kathrine doesn't have a dad like mine," She cooed sarcastically as I wiped furiously at the tears with the back of my hands.

"I do too have a dad and he loves me very much!" I screamed.

I did have a dad. And a mom, and plenty of aunts and uncles. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. But it will be alright, because they have Alex.

"I spent the whole summer hanging out with models from Europe," Alex bragged, "They said I was one of the beautifulest girls they had ever seen."

"Were their glasses on right?" I smirked and she glared.

"Don't be jealous because you're not as pretty as me, Kat," She flipped her hair and glanced at me, "We all know you have terrible black heads and your eyes are too close together. The only thing cute about you is your Dad's dimples."

"And what did you get? Your dad's fat?" I challenged and she gasped.

"Daddy is not fat!" She argued and I laughed.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"You're such a bitch, Kathrine."

That was only the beginning of summer, before I had left for tour. Such short memories that seemed so distant.

Taking in a deep breath, I grabbed onto the railings of the dock and hoisted myself up. I stood on the flat surface after gaining my balance and looked out to the black sea. It was all so inviting. It seemed warm. Like a thick fleece blanket. It was velvety and smooth.

Closing my eyes, I could smell the saltiness of the waves. My face chilled as a quick wind chapped my lips. My skin tingled with goosebumps and I took this moment in deeply. This would be the last thing I would feel. The last air I breath, and the last sight I see.

Wasting no more time, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again. I felt determination and fear run through my spine and suddenly, I had let go.

The water stung every inch of me, and I felt like the weight of the water crushing me. I swam to the surface, but only to be pushed back down by waves. The water wasn't how I had pictured death would be. This death was hurting me more, and I only wanted an escape. With every ounce of muscle in me, I tried to reach the top but I was being pushed down. Suddenly, I could feel the wooden posts of the dock crunch against my back. I searched for something- anything to grasp on to.

A current had pulled me away from the dock and I had slammed into a rock. I screamed in pain, only for salt water to fill my mouth and lungs. I had been pushed down more and soon I could feel myself touch the ocean floor. I lay there, too sore to move. I felt my breathing slow and my eyes closed, the burning of the water remaining. I stayed like this as I felt myself slip away.

"Kathrine," I could hear her chilling voice from behind me. Too afraid, I didn't turn around, "It's alright, Kat," Elizabeth's voice was so calming. I felt myself involuntarily turning to face her.

It was a horrible sight, seeing the fingerprints on her hips and neck. Dirt clumped in her light brown hair and mascara ran down her cheeks. Bruises and scratches littered every visible sight of skin and I felt my stomach churn. Yet, with all of these flaws, she still seemed beautiful.

"You don't want to die, Kathrine," She told me and I shook my head.

"I do- I just don't want it to be painful," I explained and she smiled softly.

"Even if it is not painful to you, it will still be painful to others. Think about your parents, Chris, and Alex. They wouldn't want to see you go. They aren't ready... You aren't ready," Her voice whispered.

"But what if I am?" I told her, "What if God put me through everything because this was how I was supposed to die? Maybe it wasn't punishments, but signs. Signs that my life would be short," I said.

"God didn't plan for you to die, Kathrine. Bad things happen to good people sometimes, and it should only make you stronger," She replied.

"I'm weak, Elizabeth. I'm nothing compared to the rest of the world."

"You're special to a lot of people. Think about what Alex thought of you. She was jealous of you."

"And?"

"And what about Chris? He loves you very much- I can see."

"Well, I already jumped so what difference does it make," I snapped as tears rose in my eyes.

"There's always a way out," She assured me and I shook my head, "Kathrine, will you do me a favor?" She asked.

"What?" I questioned and she sighed.

"When you return, will you put Elliot away for good? And tell my family where I'm buried."

"Why?"

"They want answers too, Kathrine. They've been in the dark for so long. My mom, dad, and Coby. It isn't fair that Elliot is hurting them too." There was a long pause between us as I stared into her horrifying eyes.

"Okay," I whispered. She walked forward and took me in her arms. I could feel the grime off her, but I didn't care. Somewhere inside, I knew that she had forgiven me. Or maybe, she it was never my fault all along.

I opened my eyes and could see a distant shadow coming towards me. I had immediately thought of horror movies and the grim reaper. Maybe he didn't have a scythe, but he could still claim me. He was here for me now. He was going to take me away.

The shadow reached me and tugged on my arm. I didn't move. My dead weight had pulled him back, as I didn't have the strength to swim with him. I felt his other hand take my other arm and I was being pulled upwards. My mind raced as I could see the surface coming to view.

And suddenly, air filled my lungs and I could see the stars again. Waves crashed violently in my face as I struggled to kick my legs to swim. I was weak from lack of air, and I couldn't find the strength to move, "Kathrine, come on!" A voice begged. With water still in my ears, I couldn't tell who the muffled voice belonged to.

More waves crashed into me, and my hands separated from the other. I was falling again, and just in a second, I was in his arms. With an arm securely around my waist, I could feel him dragging me over the rushing waves and towards the shore, "Kathrine, please!" He yelled, but I couldn't move.

I felt my feet touch the sand, and I knew we were close. I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness as my body was gently laid down on the sand, "Help! Somebody help!" He yelled. Water had burred my vision and I could only see burred visions of Mom's house and a body next to me.

Lights turned on in the house and I saw more people emerge. Probably Chris, Zacky, Mom, Alex, and Gena. I could see them rushing towards me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" A voice demanded angrily.

"Zacky, he's helping her," A more feminine voice told my uncle.

"Someone call the cops!"

I could hear sirens in the distance, as someone had already called when they heard my savior screaming my name and for help. Red and blue lights shone in the distance, and before my mind could slip away, I faintly saw a person being taken away in handcuffs.