Pushing My Limits

"You don't have to do this alone," Val whispered to Matt. It was the first words that she had spoken to him since they arrived back at her house.

"I don't want you getting more hurt," Matt replied honestly.

"You honestly think I can be more hurt than I am now?" She asked before shaking her head and going back to scrubbing the dishes. She had given Rosa a month bonus to take time off for all of her hard work.

"Val, this isn't easy for any of us. I don't know what to do from here. Do we put her back in school? Home school her? Do we send her to a therapist?" Matt was swarmed by his own questions, ones that Val had asked herself as well.

"I just don't know either, Matt," Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Things have changed so much," He said softly, "Alex's pregnancy, Zacky's money problems, and now this?" Matt shook his head sadly. Where had his life gone?

"How's Jimmy? He'll be alright won't he?" Val asked. She had heard little news of his condition, but knew no details.

"The doctor says as long as he doesn't drink or smoke, he'll be fine. One more week of treatment and it should be gone," Matt replied and Val sighed with relief.

"It's a miracle," She nodded and Matt sighed.

"Did we make the right choice?" He asked suddenly.

"What choice?" Val questioned.

"Keeping her?" Val turned to look at her ex-husband, worry and pain in her eyes, "Maybe if we had given her up for adoption, this would have never happened to her."

"But she loves you more than anything in the world. A piece would be missing from her and from you. Lord knows you wouldn't have given up or baby girl for anything in the world."

"Maybe she should live with you for a while, to be safe," Matt suggested.

"Why are you doubting yourself?" She tossed the washcloth to the side, "You're her father, Matt. She wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And none of this was your fault!" She exclaimed.

"If I hadn't left her alone, this wouldn't have happened!" Matt yelled before collapsing into the chair, sobs shaking his large body.

^^^^^

"Is this all finally over?" I asked, turning to face Chris. Soft tears rolled down his cheeks and he shook his head.

"It won't be over until we find Elliot," He replied, finally turning to face me, he slung an arm around me and pulled me close.

"I don't know where to start. He could be in a different country for all we know," He nodded.

"I'd go to the end of the earth so I could get my hands on him, Kathrine. I want to rip him apart for what he's done to you," He growled and I put a hand to his cheek.

"I just want you here with me. That's all," I whispered and he put his hand on mine.

We didn't speak anymore, just sat in silence, staring out into the vast ocean. The very same ocean that I had tried to kill myself in. It was a dazzling blue, brighter than the days before. It sparkled underneath the glimmer of the sun, and I was thankful that I was alive.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Know what?" Chris questioned.

"That I was outside."

Chris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to cry again, but bit his lip to refrain from doing so, "I couldn't sleep. I had a bad feeling in my stomach and I was worried Elliot had found out we talked to Danielle," He took in a deep breath, "I heard the sliding door open, and I was worried it was him. I got up and walked outside, just in time to see you jump," He turned to look at me.

"Thanks for saving me," I said.

"I don't know what I would have done with myself if you had died, Kathrine. Without you here," He bit back a sob, "I would have been lost."

"I'm here now, and that's all that matters."

Without a word, I kissed his cheek before standing up and walking inside. Knowing him, he would want his time alone. He needed space to think and I would give it to him. The house was cool, compared to the warm breeze outside. Mom and Dad were in the office, discussing the matters of myself, and I was left alone to rest.

I found Alex sitting by herself in the guest room. I specifically asked Gena to let her stay with me until this was sorted out. At times like this, Alex knew me best and I needed someone like her around. At least to keep me sane. "My mom texted me," She spoke softly, "Jimmy will be fine. The cancer is in remission."

"That's good," I sat down next to her on the bed.

"Seems unreal, doesn't it?" She asked and I nodded, "How's Chris?"

"Good. Needs time to himself, but he'll be fine."

"I'm not going back to school," She said suddenly, "I want to go to a regular school in a regular city. No more private schools or modeling."

"You should at least keep doing something you love. Maybe Zack will let you model for VU," I replied and she shook her head.

"It's all so materialistic. I don't know what I want anymore."

"You'll figure it out someday," I assured her. There was a long and thick pause between us. She sat cross-legged, staring into nothingness, a hand resting on her flat stomach.

"Am I so different than Elliot?" She asked, her head leaning to the side as she thought about it.

"You're not a sick minded person, Alex," I told her sternly.

"But I am a murderer."

"No... You love your family more than yourself. You're a good person."

"Am I?" She seemed so unsure.

"Yes."

^^^^^

"Police just raided an apartment in Arizona," Jacoby set the phone down on the table and turned to Matt.

"Was it his?" He asked and Jacoby nodded.

"It was a positive match, but he wasn't there."

"Are they going to wait for him?" And he shook his head.

"The whole place was cleared out," Matt put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. The amount of pain and worry shaking his body was almost unbearable, but he would endure it for his daughter's safety.

"So we have nothing," He spat.

"Matt, they found something that could lead to where he's headed," Jacoby said slowly and Matt turned to him.

"What is it?"

"They think he's headed to a mental institution in Palm Springs."