Pushing My Limits

Ah, the great joys of a weekend. Dad is at the studio all day, leaving me to my bottle and the beach.

"Bye. I love you," Dad leaned over the couch and kissed the top of my head, squeezing my shoulder lightly before heading out the door. As the sound of the Range Rover faded away, I sighed in content, turning the volume up on the television. I sat happily with a warm cup of coffee, watching Saturday morning cartoons.

As I was about to get up and search for the bottle of Kahlua to spice up my normal cup of joe, the door opened and the sound of footsteps echoed through the house. I turned down the volume once again and I glanced over my shoulder. Aunt Michelle stood there, baring gifts.

Groceries to be exact.

"Your dad told me he didn't have time to go shopping yesterday," She heaved three bags from her wrist and onto the island in the middle of the kitchen. I got up and gave her a hug, "How's my favorite niece?" She asked and I shrugged.

"Okay," I replied and she smiled. I followed Auntie out to the car to help her with the rest, being careful not to scratch the side of her BMW as I carried heavy bags towards the front door.

Aunt Michelle was my favorite aunt, the only biological aunt I had. Sure, I had many aunts, but the bond me and Auntie shared was different. Maybe it was the fact that I looked like her, or the fact that I had taken her first name as my middle.

As we busied ourselves placing the goods in their correct spots, Auntie stroke a conversation, "You been working on any songs lately?" She asked.

"You know I don't do that stuff anymore," I replied, placing my beloved Pop-Tarts in the pantry.

"You should get back into singing, Kat. You were amazing," She informed me and I bit back my scoff.

"I heard about what happened Thursday," Michelle said quietly, shoving the empty shopping bags into a drawer for later used.

I'm going to use them to suffocate myself.

"Figures. He always tells Uncle Brian and and Uncle Brian always tells you," I told her and she sighed.

"Have you eaten?" I shook my head and she pulled a loaf of bread out, along with eggs, milk, and cinnamon.

I jumped up and sat on the counter, hissing as the cold tile hit the back of my bare legs. I swung them back and forth and watched as Auntie started to make French toast. I felt thankful for having at least one good cook in the family.

"Why don't you want to go to your counseling?" She asked, cracking an egg into a glass bowl.

"Because I don't need it," I replied, "Besides, if Dad really thinks I need help, I would be in a professional's office," Aunt Michelle raised an eyebrow at me and I glared, "Don't you dare suggest that he do that," I threatened.

"I won't. I just don't understand what's been happening to you. We had so much faith in you, Kat," She whisked the eggs and milk together, periodically adding sprinkles of cinnamon.

"I've lost all my faith so far," I told her seriously and she shook her head, placing slices of bread in the batter before placing them into the pan to sizzle.

"You used to have top grades. Kat, you used to be ranked fifth out of the whole school, and first in your own class. Now you barely have a passing GPA and if you drop below a 2.0 you'll get kicked out," She was heated now, maybe it was the heat of the stove that was causing her distressed emotions.

"Maybe after I get kicked out Dad will consider home schooling me," I answered smugly and she glared at me.

"Getting kicked out of school will only disappoint your father even more," She paused, "Not to mention your mother," She added softly and my smile faded.

"How is she?" I asked hesitantly. I was afraid of what she would tell me. She handed me a plate with a stack of French toast. I reached for the syrup and butter as she fixed her own plate.

"Better. She's been asking about you," Michelle told me, hopping up on the counter next to me with her plate in hand. She jabbed her fork into the toast and took a big bite.

"You haven't told her anything bad, right?" I asked. That would have crushed me if she did.

"Still thinks you're top of the class," Michelle said quietly, her words slightly mashed together as she spoke with a full mouth.

"Good," I silently thanked her and finished off my breakfast, hopping off the counter and starting to wash my plate. Michelle handed hers to me and I placed them in the dishwasher before heading for the living room.

I turned off the television and headed for my room. If Aunt Michelle was here and she fixed me breakfast, this meant that she would be spending the day with me. Considering the nice day out, and the fact that I can see her bikini strings through the neck of her shirt, I figured we were going to the beach.

She followed me into my closet, glancing through the clothes for something she could later borrow. She grabbed a pair of my new pair of jeans with studs down the side, "Where did you get these?" She asked.

"DKNY," I replied and she held them up to her waist and sighed.

"If only I were still a size two," She muttered, hanging them back on the hanger and on the rack.

"You're not fat, Auntie," I told her and she smiled.

"I know. I just really liked those jeans," She laughed and began to rummage through my closet again.

I opened the drawer from the dresser that sat in the middle of the closet. I grabbed a navy and white striped bikini and a pair of denim shorts. I grabbed a jacket to match, because sometimes the wind and my wet skin would cause me to shiver. I finally found a plain white v-neck tee and left Michelle to my closet as I entered the bathroom.

I quickly changed and tied my hair up in a pony-tail and glanced at myself in the mirror. My bikini was a little more snug than the last time I used it towards the end of summer. It was all of the calories from Hypnotic and Guinness. Although my suit was tighter, I didn't notice the change when I looked at myself. If I kept up my drinking, then that would change and I would be bigger than that freshman, Marcy Jennings.

I walked out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth and noticed that Auntie had helped herself to two floral tops from Urban Outfitters and a patterned cardigan I bought online last week.

"You have more clothes than me," She frowned and I laughed.

"Why don't you go shopping then? I bought that sweater online," I pointed to the one in her hand and she smiled.

"After my last shopping spree, Brian locked the card in the safe," That had made me laugh. Although they had the money to spend, Uncle Bri was always stingy, especially when it came to Michelle's shopping. But God-forbid Michelle try to keep him from buying that new Mercedes or that special edition Les Paul.

"I'll break it out for you, and when you finish, I'll lock it back up and he won't know what happened until it all arrives on your doorstep in two to seven business days," I replied and this time it was her that laughed.

After grabbing a few dresses to add to the clothes she was borrowing, I followed her out to the car and she got in, "Oh, I forgot my cellphone," I replied, "Just start the car and I'll be right back," I told her and she nodded, pulling her sunglasses over her eyes.

I ran through the front door and into the kitchen. I opened the pantry and spotted the shelf that held the many bottles of alcohol. I looked past the door to make sure Michelle didn't come in, and I reached for the bottle with the higher alcohol percentage and took several gulps. I didn't care about the burn in the back of my throat as I screwed the cap back on, wiped my mouth, and headed back to the car.

"Get it?" Michelle asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, let's go," I smiled.

It wasn't enough to get me drunk, or even buzzed for that matter. Just the fact that I knew I had alcohol in my system had calmed me down. It was a good feeling of warmth and burning that rested in my throat and stomach. I leaned back and let my eyes drift asleep as the sun beamed through the window and spread across my face.

I wandered down to the hotel lobby. Starbuck's was bound to be open, it just had to be. I spotted the bright green and white sign and cursed the fact that it wasn't lit up. I sighed deeply before turning around and smacking into someone's chest, "Oh sorry," I heard a soothing male voice, "Kathrine?" I looked up and was met with Chris' pale eyes.

"Hey," I stepped back and smiled, "Sorry about that," I apologized and he shook his head.

"I wasn't looking," He paused, "What are you doing down here alone?" He asked and looked around. The lobby was vacant except for a few workers strolling the grounds, taking room service carts into elevators.

"I have a paper to write and I want to get it done before we head home. I was getting tired so I was hoping Starbuck's was open," I explained.

"You're on Taste of Chaos tour and you're worried about homework? Why don't you do it when you get home?" He asked. We had started to walk back across the hotel to the elevators.

"Well, I always tour with my dad over the summer, and if there are extra days, I spend those with my mom," I told him.

"Val DiBendetto, right?" He asked and I laughed.

"Yup, that's her."

"How long have your parents been divorced?"

"Since I was young, maybe about seven. I just remember being in first grade, whatever age that is," I said and he nodded in understanding.

Chris pressed the button to his floor and we leaned against the metal bar lined around the elevator, "Where's the band?" He asked.

"Out. Dad wasn't going to go, but one of the guys had talked him into it. I told him about my paper and decided to go. I think they're at that Irish pub that was by the venue," I looked up at him and he brushed a curl out of his face and I smiled.

The elevator doors opened and we stepped out, "My room's this way. We have a few of those Starbuck's drinks you buy at the store. You want one since the one downstairs wasn't open?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah that would be great," I followed him to the room and he pulled out his room key. He slid it into the metal lock and turned to me.

"Elliot rooms with me. I know he was bugging you yesterday, but I'm sure he's asleep. Just wanted to warn you," He laughed and I smiled.

"Thanks for the heads up," I scratched the back of my head nervously as I followed him into the room.

"Kat, we're here," Michelle shook my and I got out of the car. She grabbed a few towels from the trunk and her bag containing tanning oil, her ipod speakers, and a few waters. I followed her out to the sand, my eyes fixated on the vast ocean before me.