If You Forget Me

I come out of the bathroom and saw Rachel staring at me arms folded. "You know when you hide in my bathroom it would be nice if you left in a short time not three god damn hours." She said rolling her eyes. "wanna tell me what happened?"

I just hook my head and walked out Rachel would get it out of me sooner or later. My insides crawled with guilt and disgust. I hated myself, i hated this world. Why me? Why was i the one who got mugged?

I was stopped in the white halls by a group of the crazies, just like me. I looked over at what they were standing around and my heart stopped. All of a sudden the world reeled every sound became non existent. I pushed through the crowed around Jamie's lifeless looking body and knelt by his side.

"Jamie?" I said softly though my voice was weaker than a whisper. I felt like i was going to throw up. Like i had failed him once again. This was my fault i knew it. I.. I.. I..

"Jamie!" I breather urgently. "Wake up, god wake up please!" I said none to soon.

"Whats going on here?" A nurse said. What was his name... Sebastian? He was new anyway. He saw Jamie. I had him in my arms now. I'm not sure what happened next. They tried to take him away. They were going to take him to that horrid doctor. I didn't want to leave.

"Christopher," Someone was saying to my right.

"No, don't." I said weekly trying to get Jamie back.

"Chis stop."

"But he.. It.. Fault.." I panted through my sobs. I felt Rachel put her arms around me. All of a sudden i remembered my mums lifeless body the day they told us she had cancer. I remembered the disgust in her eyes when she saw me after she woke up.

I saw a beautiful golden hair boy thrown up against a brick wall by a black haired monster.

I remember tapping the monster on the shoulder.

I let out a small groan. "Jamie.." His Grey eyes flashed my vision.

I felt something cold biting my flesh. A cold liquid pouring though my veins. My head went fuzzy everything around me was blackening. Like something shriveling up. I sighed as my legs slowly gave way to the poison in my system.

"Jamie,"

I woke up flat on my back the cold drought from the air conditioning was biting into my skin as the needle had. My head throbbed at the dim lighting in the room. I looked around at the white walls and saw a window with bars on it over to the left. I sighed. Back in isolation. I wondered at the reason why. Jamie rushed into my thoughts as the doctor walked in.

"Nice to see your finally awake." He said in a bitter tone.

"Hows Jamie?" I asked.

"he is fine." He said spitting each word like poison darts. My breath came a little easier when i heard these words spat like darts or not Jamie was okay.

"Can i come out of isolation?"

"Yes you can."

"Why do you have to say it like that?" I asked. I didn't do anything wrong.

"What did you do to Jamie?" He said angrily.

"I didn't do anything.." I said softly shrinking back trying to disappear. He gave me a whithering look that made me feel worse. I wanted the darkness to come back. I looked at the doctor, "can i go now?"

"Yes." He said and stepped away from the door." Was he using some kind of psychology on me? I hated it whatever he was doing.

I walked through the bright halls and found my room. Jamie was laid on his side in his bed. I sighed and didn't know weather to come in or not. Something was telling me to stay but i was scared. I didn't want that same look from him.

I walked around the bed to mine. The crescent moon pierced my vision from the window, i walked over to the window and sat under it just staring at the moon. It reminded me of the Cheshire's smile in Alice in wonderland. Like it was laughing at its own little jokes. The loneliness hit me suddenly. Like a ton of bricks with the same effect of a bucket of ice water. Jamie's soft gasps of breath filled my ears like a Melodie. I wondered what he was dreaming about. I looked away from the moon and watched his eyelids flutter in his nocturnal dream.

I relished this feeling of loss was being reigned. Resigned to my fate. I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to care at least. People could do what they want. I walked over to my bed and lay down. I feel the pillow under me. I can feel the cold stiff sheets over me but i don't feel the same. A hollow feeling was threatening to swallow me. I new this feeling well. It was like welcoming an old friend. No wonder they haven't let me out of this god forsaken place. I closed my eyes, reacquainting myself with the monster inside.

As i let reality come back i stare at the unwilling clock. ticking slowly till the noise makes me insane. I stand up tiredly marvel ling at these feelings and at my thoughts i haven't had any of them since i started taking the pills. I saw Jamie still curled up in a ball in the center of his bed. What i would give to have my arms around him again. To protect him from this nightmare. I kept listening to his short gasps and felt myself give in to the desire, Lying next to him, i wrapped my arms around his soft body. He smelt so good. Whats the worst thing that can happen? He could yell at me, push me away or hurt me but i wouldn't mind as long as he'd be okay.