If You Forget Me
Two
They said, I could finally transfer from that horrible place. I breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that I will leave all those nasty nurses behind. That I won’t have to see other people like me, that I won’t be reminded of who I really am.
My heart hammers against my ribcage, as I take in shaky breaths. What if they won’t like me… The won’t. There is no if. They always judge me. A druggie, a scum, a piece of trash and nothing more. I shake my head, violently trying to get rid of these thoughts. It will be fine. You are not the same anymore. You don’t have those horrible cravings, you gained weight, you look better. You look almost normal, just a little bit too skinny and depressed but it’s okay. Okay…
My frail legs carry me to the empty chair beside some guy. He is taller and stronger than me. He scares me. Shivers run up and down my back, as he looks at me. I try to cover my face up with longish, blond, almost white hair, while he judges me. A druggie… This is all I can see in his crystal emerald eyes. My icy gray orbs darken, as I focus all of my attention on the window.
Silver glitter smashing against the window, creating a loud explosion sounds. I shrink in my seat and stare at the glass, trying to get my emotions in control. It’s just a stupid rain, get a grip Jamie. I muster out a brave smile and relax.
“It’s raining…”
“Yup…” The boy says and I blush realizing, that I said it out loud. I wasn’t supposed to… Damn it, now I sound like a dump drug addict. I watch as a stupid possum tries to helplessly climb the tree but fails. It’s just like me. Always struggling, weak and so pathetic. I avert my gaze to the nurse. She has the meds. My skin crawls, when I see the pills.
“How long will it rain for?” I murmur, trying to distract myself from that horrible feeling in my gut. Feeling of need and want. I don’t need them. I don’t! My flesh begins to itch and I’m almost shaking. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears. Everything is okay. Get a grip Jamie!
“A couple of days.” The guy answers, still starring out of the window. I want to be like him. If only I could be as calm as he is. To not pay attention to the stupid craving, that’s eating at me.
“Well that’s the longest conversation I’ve had about the rain.” I mutter still trying to lock all of the unwanted emotions away.
But the nurse is getting closer. The guy says something to me, although I miss it. The possum falls out of the tree and I almost let the hysterical laughter out. They are getting closer. Dangerous, all of them. Bonny fingertips gripping the chair tighter. They will hurt me…
The nurse gives the guy his meds. Christopher… I smile at his name. It suites him. Softly I repeat it a couple of times in my mind, enjoying the sound of it. She turns around and walks away. She will be back. She will force you to drink them, like he did. She will hurt you. She is the monster. I shake my head violently trying to shut the fuck up the nasty voice in my head.
“What are you here for?” I ask weakly. I’m not supposed to. I know that it’s an unspoken rule. Never ask people, why are they here for, ‘though the voice in my head won’t shut up, so I need to do something, anything.
“I was jumped and ended up in a coma, now I can’t remember my life and am mildly suicidal.” He replies waiting for my reaction. “You…” The question is pointless, I know, that he sees right through me. He just wants me to tell him it. Fine. I smile and open my mouth.
“Drugs.” Then we both go silent. I turn my attention to the window and stare at the rain. I drown in my thoughts, about how all of this shit happened.
“Jamie here’s your medicine.” The nurse utters stepping closer. My face goes green and I shake my head standing up and backing away. No, not again. My heart tries to brake free, I start quivering and it’s hard to breath. No, no more please…
“Jamie…” She screams. But it’s not her voice, it’s his. He is taunting me. He wants to hurt me. I back away. I trip over something and fall to the ground. Tears escape my eyes and I let out a petrified shriek, when someone touches me. I scream and struggle to brake free.
“P-please s-stop h-hurting m-me…” I sob out covering my face. The needle pierces my skin.
“NO!” I howl out, flinching away. Everything becomes blurry and I just black out. Darkness...
My heart hammers against my ribcage, as I take in shaky breaths. What if they won’t like me… The won’t. There is no if. They always judge me. A druggie, a scum, a piece of trash and nothing more. I shake my head, violently trying to get rid of these thoughts. It will be fine. You are not the same anymore. You don’t have those horrible cravings, you gained weight, you look better. You look almost normal, just a little bit too skinny and depressed but it’s okay. Okay…
My frail legs carry me to the empty chair beside some guy. He is taller and stronger than me. He scares me. Shivers run up and down my back, as he looks at me. I try to cover my face up with longish, blond, almost white hair, while he judges me. A druggie… This is all I can see in his crystal emerald eyes. My icy gray orbs darken, as I focus all of my attention on the window.
Silver glitter smashing against the window, creating a loud explosion sounds. I shrink in my seat and stare at the glass, trying to get my emotions in control. It’s just a stupid rain, get a grip Jamie. I muster out a brave smile and relax.
“It’s raining…”
“Yup…” The boy says and I blush realizing, that I said it out loud. I wasn’t supposed to… Damn it, now I sound like a dump drug addict. I watch as a stupid possum tries to helplessly climb the tree but fails. It’s just like me. Always struggling, weak and so pathetic. I avert my gaze to the nurse. She has the meds. My skin crawls, when I see the pills.
“How long will it rain for?” I murmur, trying to distract myself from that horrible feeling in my gut. Feeling of need and want. I don’t need them. I don’t! My flesh begins to itch and I’m almost shaking. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears. Everything is okay. Get a grip Jamie!
“A couple of days.” The guy answers, still starring out of the window. I want to be like him. If only I could be as calm as he is. To not pay attention to the stupid craving, that’s eating at me.
“Well that’s the longest conversation I’ve had about the rain.” I mutter still trying to lock all of the unwanted emotions away.
But the nurse is getting closer. The guy says something to me, although I miss it. The possum falls out of the tree and I almost let the hysterical laughter out. They are getting closer. Dangerous, all of them. Bonny fingertips gripping the chair tighter. They will hurt me…
The nurse gives the guy his meds. Christopher… I smile at his name. It suites him. Softly I repeat it a couple of times in my mind, enjoying the sound of it. She turns around and walks away. She will be back. She will force you to drink them, like he did. She will hurt you. She is the monster. I shake my head violently trying to shut the fuck up the nasty voice in my head.
“What are you here for?” I ask weakly. I’m not supposed to. I know that it’s an unspoken rule. Never ask people, why are they here for, ‘though the voice in my head won’t shut up, so I need to do something, anything.
“I was jumped and ended up in a coma, now I can’t remember my life and am mildly suicidal.” He replies waiting for my reaction. “You…” The question is pointless, I know, that he sees right through me. He just wants me to tell him it. Fine. I smile and open my mouth.
“Drugs.” Then we both go silent. I turn my attention to the window and stare at the rain. I drown in my thoughts, about how all of this shit happened.
“Jamie here’s your medicine.” The nurse utters stepping closer. My face goes green and I shake my head standing up and backing away. No, not again. My heart tries to brake free, I start quivering and it’s hard to breath. No, no more please…
“Jamie…” She screams. But it’s not her voice, it’s his. He is taunting me. He wants to hurt me. I back away. I trip over something and fall to the ground. Tears escape my eyes and I let out a petrified shriek, when someone touches me. I scream and struggle to brake free.
“P-please s-stop h-hurting m-me…” I sob out covering my face. The needle pierces my skin.
“NO!” I howl out, flinching away. Everything becomes blurry and I just black out. Darkness...