If You Forget Me

"Chris, the doctor wants to talk to you." Said a new nurse as she walked past. I pause and ignore her calling me Chris. Walking into the doctors office i flinch. Yet another weekly visit to make sure that i was getting over my mugging.

"Hello Christopher how are we today?" He asked from behind the mahogany desk.
"Fine." I said softly looking straight ahead at the glass of water in front of him. This doctor always made me shiver. The way he analyzed every single little thing i did. it drove me mad.

"Why don't you tell me what you remember before waking up in the hospital." Way to get down to business Mr Doctor dude.

"I don't remember anything."

"When you were admitted into the hospital you were ranting about killing whoever did this to you.. do you still have that thought?"

"Why would i threaten someone i don't know? When i don't know what they did?" I answered calmly. These questions where the same questions every week. And every week he told me that i was close to getting out of this hell hole.

"Can i go now?" I said standing up out f the comfort chair.

"Christopher sit back down." He said tiredly. I dropped back down into the chair.

"Now what?" I said getting annoyed.

"Your mother just passed away how do you feel about that?" I paused the anger threatening to break free. I gritted my teeth knowing by his soft smirk that he was still analyzing my actions.

"She told me she wasn't my mother so i don't give a damn."
"Christoper."

"I would appreciate it if you would stop analyzing everything i did." I said standing back up and looking straight into his cold hard brown eyes. "I don't need people to tell me I'm mad because I'm not. I don't need you to Analise weather or not I'm upset about my mother dying. And most of all i don't need your obnoxious, idiotic questions every god damn week. I want to leave this god damn place you told me i could leave last week and I'm still freaking here!"

He just smiled and wrote something down. Than nodded. "How do you like your new roommate?"

"Jamie?" I asked anger leaving me a little bit at the tough of his soft body against mine this morning, His guarded Grey eyes.

"Yes i believe that's his name."

"Jamie's nice enough."

"You've talked to him?"

"not really."

"You know his history." I just shrugged

"hes an addict."

"Does that make you mad?"

"Why would it make me mad?"

"Because addicts mugged you." There he went again analyzing me. The anger rose again i shook my head and left the room before i mad things worse.

I ran into someone on the way out but didn't even notice who. Why did those doctors have to be so god damn... know it all like!!

I stormed into my room and began pacing it again. I stopped and sighed working my fists into my palms thinking how many times id ended up pacing my room alone.

Jamie walked in a few hours later he looked upset and shaky. He paused when he saw me sitting on my bed reading. I saw his eyes penetrating mine. I stood up and walked over to him. He was the only thing here that felt right. I could smell him already i took him in my arms and pressed my lips against his. His sweet taste in my mouth. i held the back of his head feeling his soft blond hair mess under it. His sent intoxicating. I couldn't understand why he made me feel like this. He made me want to stand by him every second of the day to stop anyone from hurting him. I wanted to take the fear out of his step. I wanted everything to be okay. I pulled away hoping he felt what i wanted him to feel.

I felt exposed. I hated this feeling. Like the dream you have when the spotlights on you and your naked in front of a crowed. I felt like the spot light had flown around and found me. I looked at Jamie and couldn't bare this over baring feeling. I was going to hurt him. I was going to be the monster wasn't i.

"I'm sorry." I said weekly and left locking myself the small cubical in Rachel's room. She saw me walk in and had no problem with it. She knew better than to say any thing. I slid down the door. Thinking of the overcoming darkness. I remembered the dreams with the monster, with the guy that took away my life. I didn't want to be Jamie's monster. I didn't want to take away someones life, i didn't want to ruin his life like i did my mums.

A hot tear ran a burning track down my face. I wiped it away quickly shaking my head. My hands where shaking, i sighed. trying to relieve the feeling building my chest. I wanted to scream. To.. to.. run.