I Just Want You

I woke up around 8 the next morning. I hadn’t actually fallen asleep until 5 or so in the morning, but I wasn’t tired. I grabbed some clothes out of my suitcase, and got dressed in the bathroom.

I could feel that the bus was still moving, which meant I was stuck. I was hopping to talk to Johnny again. But that seemed like it was going to have to wait. I needed something or someone to occupy my thoughts with. I was trying to not think about Tom, or how weird it felt to be held by Mattie the night before. I wasn’t going to let it get to me anymore then it already had.

I made myself a coffee with the little one-cup coffeemaker. Coffee seemed like it was going to be my best friend again. I had a slight addiction to coffee. I could live off of coffee. I inhaled the dark, rich, bitter sent of the beverage before taking a large gulp.

I walked up to where the bus driver was and sat down on the stairs, “hay, I’m Anakin.”

The man driving looked to be in his thirties. He was relatively fit from what I could see. And he had the most amazing moustache, a stern general. He continued to watch the road as he greeted me, and informed me that his name was Cecil.

“You’ve got a pretty rad moustache there, Cecil.”

He chuckled, “thank you, you’ve got an interesting name.”

I grinned, “Thank you… how much longer till we get there?”

“A few hours,” he sighed, “would you mind fixing me a coffee?”

“Nope.” I got up and walked back to the kitchenette and once again filled the small coffeemaker.

***

I spent the rest of the ride up with Cecil, just chillin. Cecil was a pretty rad guy. He’d driven busses for quite a few bands, most of which I liked. As much fun as it was hanging out with Cecil, I practically sprinted out of the bus when we finally parked.

I saw Johnny and a couple other roadies gathered around two white vans with trailers. One was for merch, and the other equipment. One of the guys was taller and thinner then Johnny. He had short brown hair, and black thick-rimmed glasses that made him seem like he should be in a library. The other guy was the same size and build as Johnny. His hair was messy, much like Johnny’s, but his was dark brown. He had a few tattoos, and a septum piercing. He was quite cute if I did say so myself.

They were in a small circle playing hacky sack. Just as I finally reached them Johnny missed the little sack. I really wasn’t expecting the little tantrum that came next. The two other boys laughed as Johnny angrily screamed at the sack, accusing it of jumping off of his foot. I couldn’t help but laugh along with them.

“Stupid fucking sack,” Johnny pouted as he picked it up, “hay Anakin, you wanna play?”

I shrugged as the two other boys looked at me, just noticing my presence. We formed a circle and began kicking the sack back and fourth.

“That,” Johnny said as he pointed to the taller guy, “is Bruce.”

I smiled at him, “nice to meet you.”

He flashed me a smile and waved as Johnny continued to talk, “and he’s Tim.”

Tim stuck his hand out for me to shake. I laughed and put my hand in his. He gripped it tight like a father would when gauging if he should let his daughter go out with a boy.

“That’s some handshake,” I smiled as we let go.

“I know.” There was a slightly cocky air to that statement, but it seemed to fit Tim.

We continued to play, just talking about everything and nothing. It was quite relaxing –oddly enough. I really hoped I got to spend more time with these guys. They constantly made me laugh. And the fact that they could make something as boring as hackie sack fun, pretty much told me that I had to be friends with them.

After around the fifth time Johnny dropped the hackie sack, he picked it up and threw it. Which resulted in Tim tackling him onto the pavement, yelling that he owed him a new hacky sack, as they wrestled. Bruce and I just watched and laughed, as the two struggled for dominance.

“Are they okay?” the moment that voice hit my ears my heart sped up.

I looked over at Tom, confusion all over my face. So he was going to talk to me now? He was more confusing then a flock of teenaged girls. I wasn’t complaining that he was talking to me by any means! I just hoped he didn’t decide to randomly start ignoring me again.

“They’re fine,” Bruce said reassuringly with a wave of his hand, just as Tim let out a high-pitched chicken like noise, “maybe.”

“I was tolled to tell you guys they need you to help set up,” Tom looked at Bruce, and back to Tim and Johnny, “I’m not sure how I’m going to go about telling them though.”

Bruce laughed, “It’s not as hard as it looks.”

“That’s what she said,” Johnny cried as he separated himself from Tim, “let’s go. Bye Ani. Tom.”

Tim and Bruce waved good-bye as the three of them walked to the venue. Tom and I stood silently as we watched them. It was a little awkward, for me at least, I couldn’t speak for Tom. I looked up at Tom, and he smiled down at me.

“Wanna walk with me?”

“Yeah,” I said a little too quickly, and to cover up my eagerness I added, “sure… I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Tom chuckled and wore that smirk he and Oli shared. I mentally kicked myself as we began to walk. I shouldn’t be acting this way; I was with Mattie… wasn’t I? Tom brought me out of my thoughts by grabbing my hand and talking about getting a coffee.

I was only half paying attention to what he was saying to me, just enough to reply at the appropriate times. The rest of my attention was on our hands. Was it just a friendly gesture, or did it mean more? Was I over analysing this, or not? A flood of questions was rushing through my mind.

We ended up walking to a little coffee shop and getting coffee. Tom led me to a seat at the front window. We were silent, just drinking our coffees. It was nice. The questions had stopped, and the coffee was soothing. Though the slight butterfly’s hadn’t completely died down yet, but I was beginning to ignore that feeling.

Tom looked over at me, “so… you and Matt…”

A slight smiled graced my lips, “yeah…”

The look on Toms face wiped the ghost of a smile off of mine. He looked a little hurt, “you guys are actually… a thing?”

I shrugged and looked into my mug at the black liquid, “I don’t really know… he hasn’t really asked me to be his girlfriend or anything.”

Tom nodded and looked down at his coffee as well, “oh…”

“Can I talk to you about something?” I looked over at him.

His eyes met mine, “of course.”

“I’m not so sure about my feelings for Matt… well, no. I am sure of my feelings. But there’s someone else… who I have feelings for, possibly stronger feelings for.”

Tom nodded understandingly, “but you’re afraid to hurt Matt?”

I slowly nodded, “that’s part of it… I’m just really confused about everything.”

“Well… if you like the other guy more, you should go with him and stop going round with Matt, if you don’t want to hurt em’ that is. Cuz it’ll hurt him more if you do start seeing each other, and one day you break it off because you’ve always like another bloke more… ya know?”

I smiled. That did make sense, but it was easier said then done, “thanks Tom… I’ll really think about that.”

“No problem, love,” he grinned as he took a sip of his coffee, “that’s what I’m here for.”