Careful

Jacob and I left shortly after my very brief and unproductive conversation with Embry. There was so much I wanted to ask but I could not be sure of what to make of Em's reaction and it honestly felt like something I should discuss more with Jacob on our own.

We each took time to say our goodbyes to the group. Emily and Kim sent me off with a huge hug and a promise to call to schedule a girl’s day for us and Ellie soon.

As we made our way down the road to Jake's house a comfortable silence fell over us, just the sound of our even pace on the gravel under our feet filling the stillness between us both.

I had so many questions, but it felt wrong to break the silence and I really was not even sure where would be the best place to start. Jacob, Embry and Emily had alluded to me in previous conversations that I didn’t have the facts about the situation I'd found myself in and those facts had little to do with my brother. When it came to the pack, it almost felt like it really shouldn't be on me to be the one who should be trying to find the words at this point.

I stole a long look over at Jacob, his gaze fixed firmly on his feet shuffling down the hill. His pinched brow and hands tucked stiffly in his front pockets only left my nerves even more unsettled. Once we reached the steps of his front porch, I could feel nervousness rolling off him in waves.

I cleared my voice gently pulling his gaze to meet mine for the first time since I'd spoken to Embry.

"You know we really do not have to do this right now don't you Jake?" That seemed to send his thoughts spiraling even further and I felt even worse. He was clearly in some turmoil he'd yet to have the chance to share with me.

"I should be able to by now. I've been beyond selfish." He looked so pained and I could not help the confusion creeping up on me.

"You can talk to me Jake; whatever it is you haven't said to me I hope you know I'm here to listen." I reached for his arm and felt a rush of disappointment and embarrassment as he took a step back to keep his distance.

He recognized the hurt in my expression and reached back for me instantly.

"It's not that. Trust me when I say that I know you would listen. I just don't have the will to share the truth and risk losing our friendship because I've been a coward."

"Jacob please don't talk like that. We have come so far, and it's been nice to have you back."

"But Embry was right, I have not given you a true opportunity to make a decision in all of this. The pull will always cloud my judgement." He rambled on and I felt my own thoughts spiraling into a sea of utter confusion.

"I don't understand. Jacob, what could be harder to say to me than anything you have had to tell me about my brother so far?" I couldn't break my gaze from his usually expressive eyes which were now fully guarded and clouded with that emotion I still hadn't been able to pinpoint.

"Euphoria I can never take back how you'll see me once I tell you -"

"You don't get to decide what I should know. That isn't protecting me, you're only protecting yourself." I interrupted.

"I know that U, but it is just not that easy. The only thing worse than disappointing you is hurting you and I'm so selfish because what we need to talk about may just inspire both in you after we just got back to some semblance of a friendship." He was rambling at this point, tugging at his cropped hair in frustration.

"Please stop talking in riddles Jacob. Tell me what is going on." He glanced at me completely helpless and ran a hand over his face letting the tension build like a coil about to snap.

"That day on the cliffs, when you looked at me so heartbroken about me having avoided you guys, lying and breaking my word something changed between us. I know you feel it too, that constant force that lingers between us. Always pulling us together despite our best efforts. You feel it right?" He had reached for my shoulders slowly bringing his fingertips gently over my arms to my palms.

A heady and undeniable feeling rushed through me at the physical contact. I looked into his eyes as they searched for mine with desperation and that something I've still been unable to place.

Of course, I'd thought these things he was describing to myself in quiet moments of frustration, small moments of doubt and just the other night to Emily but could I be honest right now? Could I even deny it if I tried?

"I admit I've been confused and at times overwhelmed by the intensity between us. I just thought it was something that was happening naturally." I could tell the candor in my response stung him as he flinched as if I'd gut punched him, though that was far from my intention.

"Everything about this transformation has been so out of my control. You know that being a part of all of this is far from what I wanted. There are a lot of things about being a shape shifter that I've accepted begrudgingly but when you really looked at me for the first time since I had changed, I was filled with an unexplainable hope that I could have true purpose in all of this stuff I felt was just happening to me."

I couldn't help my eyes filling with tears because I could truly relate to feeling like you were drowning in the overwhelming circumstances of life.

"Everything we know about what we are comes from the legends of our people but some of what we've experienced doesn't have any explanation, rhyme or reason. What's been happening between us is because that day on the cliffs when you looked at me, I imprinted on you." In my confusion I could only feel the air rushing from my lungs and every noise except the timber of Jacob's voice and my heartbeat in my ears faded to the background.

"When a shape shifter imprints on another person, that person becomes the wolf's tether to this earth. From that point on the wolf would do anything for their imprint, be anything for their imprint." He explained further.

"Like soulmates?" I asked trying to grasp the concept.

"No, imprinting is more than that. When I think about the reasons why I need you in my life now that I've imprinted, it is more like gravity; inevitable, unseen but constantly holding my feet to the ground with some inexplicable purpose to make sure that you have happiness in this life. It is beyond romantic feelings. Although, I will admit I've felt those feelings for you too recently. All I really know for sure is I would do anything to be standing by your side and supporting you in whatever capacity you needed me to be."

I felt like I had taken the gut punch now. What could I possibly say to that explanation he'd just given me. I needed more time to digest all of this, and I felt the panic crawling from the tips of my fingers and toes, through my limbs, chest and up my throat.

"Why?" It was all I could manage at this point.

"We don't know. Sam thinks it has to do with some underlying biological need to find your best chance at reproducing. My dad seems to think it could be a way to find the strongest match in terms of passing down the shape shifting gene with someone who would make the blood line stronger." Now my head was really spinning.

"Are we the only ones?" I asked.

"No, Sam and Emily and Jared and Kim are the only others so far. Anything we know from the legends tells us it should be a rare circumstance but..." He trailed off at the end.

That added another layer of clarity over the situation. Emily and Kim were the only ones I'd ever seen around the pack outside of the town’s elders. Everything about my conversation with Emily and Embry seemed clearer now than it had been before.

The truth also brought an overwhelming realization that I was being lost in another circumstance I couldn't stop from happening to me. I did feel an undeniable connection with Jacob, but he was telling me that connection was inevitable like some sort of prophecy or something I had no power to change like a medical prognosis. He was saying that me beginning to feel close to him could never truly be a choice for me and it could never be a choice for him either.

Em was right.

I couldn't help but stumble back a few paces at that realization. Thoughts of Embry clutching my face and searching in my eyes with desperation had a whole new meaning. Echoes of Jake pleading with me in frustration to set clear boundaries with Embry earlier today rushing suddenly to the forefront of my mind.

Jacob reached for me, and I held my hand up to stop him from making contact.

"Euphoria please say something." He pleaded though he respected my need for space.

"I wish I knew what to say right now Jake, I really do. I think I need time to process this." He looked pained by the response, but he nodded in agreement.

"Take all the time you need. I'm here if you have any questions." I nodded and then a thick silence fell over us.

I couldn't break my gaze from Jacob's warm brown eyes, and it seemed he couldn't manage to either. It felt right, but could I really trust my feelings anymore? In the depths of his gaze, I finally was able to identify that smoldering look I had yet to pinpoint. Devotion. Pure and utter devotion. Just like Sam with Emily.

"I should go." I cleared my throat breaking that train of thought.

"I understand. Please let me drive you home at least U." I wanted to argue but I knew that I was in no fit state to drive back home.

I nodded in agreement before handing my keys over to Jacob. He settled into the driver's seat and me in the passenger. We drove in silence, my forehead leaned up against the cool glass of the window as I watched us rush past the town and forest before arriving at Ellie's.

Jacob pulled the keys from the ignition and we both exited the vehicle. I was about to say goodbye, but Jacob turned to me with a contemplative look on his face.

"Euphoria?" I caught his gaze again before he continued, "I didn't say this before, but I don't have any expectations for us. I just want to be there to see you happy. Whatever that means." He whispered before handing me my keys.

I felt the air rush out of me again while the tears crept up in my eyes. In a desperate need to ground myself I rushed over to him wrapping my arms around his torso tightly before the sobs began to escape. He immediately pulled me in closer wrapping me in his warm embrace. It was equal parts terrifying as it was comforting. He held me until the sobbing subsided and until I found a steady pattern of breath again.

"I'm sorry." I finally breathed into his chest.

"Don't be. I'm the only one who should be sorry." When I looked to his face there was an overwhelming sense of sadness in his expression.

Before I could protest, he forced a smile and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. "You should get some rest. Let me know if you need anything." He whispered before giving me one more firm but gentle squeeze and the quick brush of his lips across my forehead before he stepped away and rushed to the tree line surrounding the house.

I stood watching him disappear into the forest long after he'd already gone before I was able to drag my feet up to the porch and inside the house.

----------

Embry

The day after dinner with the pack and my complete failure to express my feelings to Euphoria yet again inspired a day of me doing nothing but sitting in my room attending my own pity party. I had the day and night off from patrolling for the first time all week and couldn't even grant myself permission to rest.

My self-loathing was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door that I hadn't been expecting. I made my way through the house and opened the door not expecting to see Euphoria standing on the porch like she was unsure if she would stay or run off at the first opportunity.

"Hi" she started unsurely, "I wanted to talk. Do you have the time?". I couldn't help my spirit lift at the thought of another chance to try and express everything that has been swirling around in my head since my own transition.

"I'm glad you're here, come in." I assured her while stepping aside in the entry to make room for her.

We both made our way to the living room and settled in on the couch.

"Listen about last night, I'm sorry for not trying harder to talk it out. I've just been on the edge of anger for so long. I know it's not an excuse but -" I started.

"I spoke with Jake about the imprinting." She abruptly interrupted, taking the breath from the rest of my words before I could speak them.

I was completely shocked. Patrolling with Jacob had become the bane of my existence as a shape shifter recently. All his thoughts were consumed with Euphoria and all of it shrouded in his hesitation to share the truth with her. I really wasn't expecting him to have the guts to have the conversation yesterday so suddenly after he'd been wrestling with the decision since the cliffs.

"I have questions and I want your perspective and answers." It felt more like a demand rather than a statement.

"Sure" I finally managed after stumbling through my own words for a moment.

"What is an imprint?" she asked frankly.

"Didn't Jacob? -"

"I want to hear what you have to say about this." She interrupted firmly.

I took a shaky breath and let it out before clearing my throat to begin.

"I can't really say for myself. I haven't imprinted on anyone, but for Sam, Jared, and Jake, they seem to think of their imprint as the center of their world. Every decision they make is with that other person in mind." I explained gently.

"When you came to me that night after we'd seen you at the gas station. You were trying to imprint on me, weren't you?" I shifted uncomfortably feeling my palms begin to sweat.

"Yes." I confessed.

"Why?" she asked briskly.

"Because I care about you I had to try." We made eye contact, but her brow was furrowed, and I could tell her thoughts were racing.

"I'm sorry, it was a shitty thing to do as your friend without you knowing why I was there. You were right last night when you said it was for me and I'm sorry I'm a selfish prick." I continued.

"It was a shitty thing to do." She agreed and then we settled into silence as she sorted through her thoughts with the new information.

I hung my head low and settled into the silence between us. Even though this was hard it felt good to finally be able to really talk about this without tribe secrets or my own anger getting in the way.

"Is it love?" she cut through the silence like a knife, "Imprinting I mean." She clarified.

"Yes, but I don't think it's in the way that you or I was thinking when I went to you that night U. It's love in its purest form. Without conditions or expectations." The honesty in my words cutting through my own chest like a knife.

"But not completely like love, right?" She asked before continuing, "Real love is someone's choice every day. Imprinting can never be that."

"I can't say for certain, but I don't think your wrong about that." I admitted.

She nodded silently, staring now at her fidgeting hands.

"Do imprints always end up together?" She asked.

"We can't know for sure; it's supposed to have been rare and what we know about it comes from our tribes’ oldest legends. All who have imprinted in the pack so far haven't been able to resist the pull for long or haven't tried at all." It felt shameful to feel the hope rushing through me at her inquiry on the matter.

"Well, I appreciate you answering my questions about it. I just needed to hear it from someone else, I guess. I don't know, all of this is so hard to try and comprehend. It's fantastical and quite frankly completely illogical." I nodded my head in agreement but before I could say anything she interrupted me.

"Look Em, I also came over here to talk about us. I want you to know that what I said yesterday is still true. I can't be what you want me to be. How I feel and have felt about you has nothing to do with Jacob and the imprinting, your transition or anything else for that matter. I've always seen you as my friend and I'm sorry if it is hard to hear but I needed to say it."

Now that really hurt. I felt like there was no air in my lungs and that I'd forgotten how to breathe. Rejection washing over me like waves of the most wretched storm. I knew there was nothing mean or callous about how she had said it but to hear it out of her mouth for the first time so plainly stung hot like the embarrassment of forcing myself on her in front of the whole school.

"And you can say that with full confidence? Even though you can't help but be wired to choose him over anyone else?" I bit back sharply.

Her brow furrowed in anger, and I knew I shouldn't have said it. In fact, I should probably apologize for that one too.

"Maybe you're right. I'm not completely sure about my feelings for Jacob, but I am sure about you Embry. I would love to have a friendship with you, but if you can't handle that being friends is all we will ever be then it really is on you at this point." She cut back sharply.

I flinched at that before she excused herself outside my front door like she had never been there at all.

I sat in the silence of the living room for what seemed like hours wondering how I kept managing to ruin every opportunity to be a better friend and person overall.