More Interviews From Hell!

Alex G: "Xena, I have a bone to pick with you."

Xenophobe: "Alexes. Please explain."

Alex L (Hey Monday): "You kidnapped Rian. We saw you do it. You climbed into the tour bus, went straight to the bunks and dragged him out screaming. We'd love to have him back."

Skellington: "The fuck?"

Xenophobe: "Why would I steal Rian? If anyone, I'd steal Ryro, or even you, Alexes."

Tyranny: "Katie's supposed to be here."

Jack replies to Xenophobe's statement. "Because drummers are pretty bangin'."

Xenophobe: "Although that may be true, I did not steal the Rian."

Skellington: "But you did steal the Satan from Marilyn Manson."

Xenophobe: "I did not; he left him here."

Tyranny: "Aw, where is the little bastard? I saw him wandering around earlier."

Xenophobe: "He's off getting the office some cookies. Sweet little guy, he is."

Zack: "When do you think he'll be back?"

Xenophobe: "Don't worry, there's enough for you guys, I'm sure."

Tyranny: "What a little sweetheart."

Skellington whispers in Xenophobe's ear. "Love is in the air."

Xenophobe: "Are you growing out your beard?"

Skellington: "Like it?"

Alex L: "Jakey, dude, when did you start getting pubes on your face?"

Jack: "What, are your genitals on your chin?"

Zack: "You look nasty."

Skellington: "What do you guys know? You're too pre-pubescent to grow beards."

Xenophobe: "No, Rian can grow a beard, and it looks adorable."

Tyranny: "Where's Katie?"

Satan appears with a box of frosted cookies. "Hey, there!"

Xenophobe squeals and gives him a hug. "Hey, wubbie! Zack wants a cookie."

Alexes: "We do too!"

Satan: "I'm sad. Rian's got the cooties." he passes out cookies.

Xenophobe lifts her eyebrow. "How do you know this?"

Satan: "I'm the devil. I know this stuff."

Alex G: "Where is he?"

Skellington stuffs his face with a cookie. "These are amazing."

Satan: "It's an old recipe. Oh, my mother taught it to me when I was a little boy."

Jack: "I thought I made the best cookies. Dead damn, I'm wrong."

Tyranny: "These cookies are great, but where the hell is Katie? She's supposed to interview with us."

Satan: "Oh, honey. I really don't want to have to say this, but--" he throws a lightning bolt at the closet, knocking the door off, onto the floor.

Rian is tied to a horizontal post in the closet, in his underwear, handcuffed and with duct tape covering his mouth.

Karnivore stands facing him, doing questionable doings.

Tyranny / Skellington / Xenophobe: "Katie!"

The two Alexes glance at each other for a moment.

Alex G: "Alex, you know."

Alex L: "I know."

The two rip their clothes off and are attached at the hip and sharing a cape. "IT'S ON!" The Alexes throw their hands out in front of them, propelling their attached bodies backward into the wall, and releasing dotted lines towards the closet.

Karnivore shouts. "Oh, my eyes!" she falls to the floor.

Jack hops off of the sofa and stays in the air. "Jack Attack!" he throws rubber balls and jacks into the closet, to further confuse Karnivore.

Zack runs backwards to the back of the room, hops over a sofa, slides off of the table and flies toward the closet with every intention to kick something. "Zack Hijack!" his kicks the post, breaking it in half and setting Rian free.

Xenophobe jumps into the closet and rips the duct tape off his face.

Rian cheers. "Rian's Fine!" he hugs Xenophobe. "My hero."

Alexes get up and put their clothes on. "That's enough."

Satan shaves Skellington's beard into a goatee. "The least I can do, Jake."

Skellington: "I'll just shave it off."

Rian: "It's okay, J.C. Katie's hairier than everyone here!"

Everyone except for Karnivore partake in a laugh.

Rian: "Ahhh yeah, she raped me."